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gotta make some serious changes


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I see suicide in my future unless i make changes in my life, the point i've been at the two years in life have led me closer and closer to suicide, i've hit rock bottom in many aspects of my life. Basically i've got issues which i really hate and that bother me, and i haven't quite figured out what to make of them or how to solve them, anyway the idea that i can figure my self out and change my life and my ways to find happiness is keeping me going at this point, the thing is i see my future as going two ways, succeeding or failing, im either going to work out my issues and find some direction, or else im gonna find myself at the same place i am now 10 years from now, if that the case i definitely see suicide as happening. I know its never an answer to problems but if in fact my life looks the same as it does now, if my issues are still unresolved and i still cant find happiness well then i will commit suicide simply because i dont want my life anymore, its wont be that im trying to solve my problems at that point if no progress has been made on my part i wouldnt see them as problems anymore just facts of my life that wont change, if thats the case well then i truly dont want to live as me anymore. I hope that doesnt happen and i wish i had the optimism to say that I KNOW! its not gonna be the case because i wont let it! unfortunately life continues to remind me that its real, not some fairytale where hard work is always rewarded and good people always prosper, the real world consists of good people getting hit by cars and evil people making millions, theres really no moral balance or guidelines to how the hands in life are dealt, sometimes your given a bad hand, sometimes your given a good hand, sometimes you can turn a bad hand into a good hand, sometimes you can work all your life to change your bad hand into a good one but realize that it doesnt always workout, the world has no balance or fairness, Karma is BS, fundamentalist are dreamers, wake up, life is living,moving, organic, its doesnt play by rules or ideas or romantic words, it goes where ever its pushed, im sorry im so cynical today, but my life is very cynical

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Written by Max Ehrmann in 1927

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, And remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull & ignorant; they too have their story.


Avoid loud & aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain & bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.


Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing future of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.


Be yourself.


Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue & loneliness. Beyond wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.


You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.


thereforeeee be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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Don't worry I know how that is school for me can be quite stressful and at one point never ending and work my boss I haven't had a word with her for the past three months the only time she will really talk to me is to tell me where to be but passes by me and doesnt even say Hi I can be standing right next to her and she wont give me one single word...and my other job the girls tell on me on my boss all the time but good thing my boss doesnt believe them. but anyways don't worry things will fall into place and your education will pay off in due time. .Smile its a new a brighter day

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