What have you learned from your breakup and healing?

[Jadewhisper]

What are your thoughts and what have you learned from your breakup and healing? I know I have learned much from this experience as sad as it is for me.

 

Okay, so yesterday, I posted a congratulations comment on the ex's website. I genuinely felt happy for him and I wanted to express that. I think I have been avoiding thinking about him much because I really want to get over this hurdle. Last night, it has made me think about what happened prior to the breakup and the sad truths which caused this relationship to go downhill and end.

 

I still don't understand why he broke up with me. I know the situation could have been worse though. And he's the one who mentioned we could be friends just nothing more...It’s like he’s the one putting all these little rules for me to follow.

 

I was your friend before and while we were dating. Some of your other friends that I met seemed to treat you unfairly and didn't seem to be a positive force in your life. You chose to end this. I choose to still care about you. It's like I can't stop myself from doing that.

 

Why do I love you still? You have done nothing to reach out to me and tell me your feelings other than you felt unhappy around me. I felt like I was in a committed relationship and we were in one of those rough patches which you have work through.

 

Yes, I care about him.

Yes, I still have feelings for him

Yes, we had some wonderful times.

Yes, I'm glad to have had him in my life.

 

But I don't want to waste time when I could be meeting people. And I'm not just meaning people to date. I want to meet more people to socialize, have fun and be friends! That's one of my goals. My more important goal is to get a better job before I go out in the dating scene anyway.

 

I’m not over my ex yet. I guess I still have this small hope as foolish others might perceive that someday we’ll see each other again. And I hope it will be on good terms. I've also realized being in a relationship can be nice if it's loving,but being single is nicer still.

[Litgirl01]

Sounds wonderful....I would like to meet more people too! You are doing great!!

[lifeiscash]

If your hot I would love to meet you too.

[Somerandomguy82]

Yes, I care about him.

Yes, I still have feelings for him

Yes, we had some wonderful times.

Yes, I'm glad to have had him in my life.

 

But I don't want to waste time when I could be meeting people.

 

I used that exact same pattern of thought after my roller coaster of a relationship finally ended. All except for the last part. It sounds like you're well on your way and with a level head on your shoulders.

 

I used that same logic, but instead of "But I don't want to waste time when I could be meeting people." It was a "how can I be so cruel to her when she won't stop calling my phone because she's hurt" or "I know she shouldn't be showing up at my door uninvited, but she's hurting"

 

I would like to get to where you are because I still have her on my mind when I shouldn't. I think all the negativity she threw at me made me hold on to the actual positive memories way longer than I should have.

 

To answer your original question what I have learned is the terrible damage falling in love with the wrong person can cause. I've learned to look closer at people before trusting them. I still have so much to learn. I'm still working on how to better deal with people shoving blame and negativity at me when it has nothing to do with me.

 

I think that after a relationship meeting people and socializing is a great alternative to some of the less constructive alternatives that I seem to be prone to embrace.

[Wolf_22]

...That C4 is much more direct than HMX.

[SRufus]

It's hard to explain what I have learnt.........in a way, i thought i was immune to pain and heartbreak. I have learnt that bitterness and regret eventually subsides, and that karma may not truly exist. i have learnt that nothing lasts forever. I have learnt that feelings and memories are not necessarily real, because they change over time. In a way, i long to be back in the same place i was a year and a half ago. i know i felt happier- though a little depressed.

 

It's funny what you do remember over time. It's funny how people here say if you die, then your EX has won. I cant think of any EX that would relish in another's misfortune like that. Our ego's perception of matters are not necessarily real.

[redhotchilipepper]

I learned alot...def lots of things about people and myself. I think back now about everything me and my ex told eachother...bout or dreams and goals for life...how we would never leave eachother...everything was so perfect and we were so infatuated with eachother nothing else mattered but now I realize that there is much more to life than being stuck in that moment and never thinking you will be normal again or ok. Thinking the pain your going through after a breakup will never subside but it does and alot of people disagree but they are the ones who are still going through the pain and stages of a break-up...its a life-long journey and the more we embrace what happens to us on a daily basis the more easier life will be...thats why we are all here

[musashi]

I learned that I need to make myself happy and not need a partner. I had learned this lesson before and was implementing it when I met my now current ex. We tried not to fall in love with each other but could not help it. Now I am back at square one trying to build a life independent of a girlfriend. I WILL succeed this time.