When is it just not worth it anymore?

[sickntired]

So to make a long story short...I've been dating a girl that I met because she dated my roommate, they broke up, we fell in love a week before she was moving away. So not only did I pursue a relationship with her, but I uprooted myself and moved with her. Unfortunately, she was moving in with her parents until she figured out if she was going to finish school or get a job. So I've been dating this girl for a week and we moved in with her parents!! So obviously getting to know each other was very stressful and difficult. Now keep in mind her mother is very involved and it's her youngest kid and they have like a best friend relationship, rather than the normal mother/daughter one. Her mother is so jaded from all of her past relationships that she even to do this day has not given me a chance. So I'm living in this environment for 5 months when I decided that we needed to get out of there. So we moved away January of this year. I thought finally things would get better. Unfortunately, my girlfriend of now 6 months became worried and stressed out that things weren't going to her plans and things couldn't possibly work out. Well much to her surprise, we landed a marketing job that we would be traveling and doing together. Now keep in mind also that we have spent literally every day, minute, second together since this all began. We had a weird way of getting along and it just worked. Well after the job had ended and we got back, her typical mindset returned and my sister came into town for a visit. Now to background my sister, she's manipulative and uses her money to try and control me, always has and probably always will. Well my sister and I got into a huge altercation and my girlfriend got caught in the middle. I lost my temper and got very angry at my sister and in turn my girlfriend assumed it was guided at her. Well it didn't stop there, my sister then decides that she needs to "rescue" my girlfriend and takes her away to the beach for a week. While she was gone, my sister and bro in law filled her mind with all of these ridiculous ideas and thoughts and convinced her that I was nothing short of mass murderer. Now I have some faults and problems, I mean who doesn't?? But that was way out of proportion. Well the week went by and my girlfriend was still willing to give it a shot even though she was convinced my anger was a huge issue and that she couldn't trust me, even though once again I was angry at my evil sister and she would be the only one I could get that angry at. Just to prove to her that I wasn't like that, I decided to get some help, I went to therapy, talked to a pastor, did everything to assure her that it wouldn't happen again. Well 3 weeks went by and I was doing everything I promised to do, and out of nowhere she walks up to me and says "I can't do this anymore, it's over" No warning, no sit-down chat, no explanation, just that. I was shocked. Emotionally I dropped lower than I had ever done in my entire life. This happened when she was there with me witnessing the entire thing. I was devastated and hurt and confused and she never gave me any idea what was going on in her head. I have tried desperately to get her to communicate with me for weeks and she refused. Well a few days have passed and things have gotten better. She has made mention that she stills wants a relationship, but just needs "time". Well while I'm continuing to follow through with what I promised, she sits around and does absolutely nothing, she literally watches TV 10 hours a day while I'm working out, reading books, praying, etc. there's no passion, no desire, nothing on her part. But I just continue to prove to her she's made a huge mistake and that she really blew this out of proportion. Everyday is a constant battle for me, because we still live together and she consistently says things like "I'm glad we're friends" and "I just want to be sure that I end up with the right person" and just things that are so pessimistic and negative. Am I wasting my time here? I see so much in her and so much in this relationship, but is she already too far gone for me to imagine that things would ever work out again??? I hate to think that her reason is she needs time to find out what she needs and wants, but the only thing she shows me is that Dr. Phil and Oprah will tell her because she spends so much time watching tv. Tonight, right before I wrote this she made a really evil comment and expected me to just get over it, I didn't and she said "I"m Sorry", no compassion, no real sense of being apologetic, a hollow statement that did nothing for me. I'm beginning to see her in a different light and I need to know if I just need to get out now before things get any worse?? So any advice you got, please unload it on me!!!

[Reilly2856]

You've done a lot for this girl. Despite knowing this girl for just a week, you saw potential in this relationship to move away with her and in with her parents. You put up with her mother, and are now trying really hard to try to change (going to therapy, etc). So, let me ask you, what has she done for you? It seems to me like you're the only one who's been giving and giving in the relationship, and for what>? For her to come to you and say, "oh maybe we can be friends" or "I just want to end up with the right person".....something is not right here. Look, you've put in an honest effort to change for this person, but she has done nothing for this relationship. She has made no sacrifice for this relationship. Take a step back and decide, why do you want to be with someone who has done nothing to show you that she wants a relationship with you? She should also be making an effort here but she has done nothing to work out the problems you guys may be having. Sitting in front of the t.v. and watching Opera, while you try to improve yourself isn't going to help your relationship problems. I would suggest you get out now (move out) and invest your time and energy into a relationship with someone more worthy of your time and devotion.

[sickntired]

And honestly...what you said is exactly what I've been thinking. She really has done nothing to change. I'm not the kind of guy that hangs on to flaws and faults because I'm realistic, I realize people make mistakes and have issues. Take for instance her inability to ever be on time, or her extreme laziness, I try and persuade her to change, but never tell her to change or it's over. I just feel like the things she knows that I have a problem with, she's not willing to fix or hasn't made any effort to change them. It just sucks because we're getting ready to head out on tour with a pretty well known country singer and we're both contractually bound to do it, there's no way out. The only thing I can do is not give her the emotional attention that I do and treat her like the friend that she needs to be treated!

[Reilly2856]

In my opinion, I wouldn't even treat her like a friend at this point. Speak little as possible to her. True, you guys will be going on tour together....but nothing in the contract says that you really need to talk beyond just the basics. The more you withdraw from her the better. Who knows...maybe it'll be her wake up call and she'll realize what a great guy she's lost and actually make an honest attempt at fixing your relationship. Never know.