Saw my husband for first time in 2 months

[sngrmom75]

I had to go to florida for a job and we scheduled a therapy session while I was there, at the insistance of our marriage counselor.

I was in town for 5 days and the session was scheduled for my 4th day. I did not hear from my husband the whole time I was there.

When I saw him in the therapists office, he immediately started talking about mundane things, as if we were friends who hadn't been in touch, not like a married couple who haven't spoken (and ho are expecting a baby together).

 

I was devastated.

 

But I decided I wanted to tell him everything i felt, because I'd rather look back and say I did what I could than wonder if I should have said something. So I told him how much I loved him, how much I missed little things about "us". How I'd never want a divorce, even if I ended up having to file it'd never be what I wanted. I also was clear about how frustrated I was in his lack of communciation and how much I was angry about that.

When he started to talk, his second sentence was that he had no intention of working on the marriage "right now", and that he was working on himself instead. He said he was no longer "serious" about the other woman... It was pretty much a cop out. He is still seeing the other woman.

I was livid. I told him I didn't care about her- this wasnt about her... This was about US and the fact that he was giving up on our family without even making any kind of effort. I told him I was done holding on and that I was filing for divorce.

Our therapist, after about 90 minutes of us talking, told my husband that he needed to look at me and say he was ok with a divorce and that it was what he wanted.

He hemmed and hawed for awhile... and then couldn't say it. He couldn't do it. he said he was feeling things he hadn;t expected to feel after seeing me for the first time in two months and he was uncertain about what to do... Eventually, he asked me if I would hold off on filing and give him a week... That we would spend the week talking on the phone and then he is scheduled for a hypnotherapy session on wednesday. I said I would wait...

 

Well, today I flew back to Oklahoma. I can't fly again, since I'm almost 30 weeks. He asked me to let him know when I arrived safely, so I did. Then I aksed when we could start our phone conversations that had seemed so pivotal... he said, "Saturday Maybe?" Ummm... saturday maybe?? What? I immediatley called our therapist who said he was obviously pushing me away again. That I should prepare myself for this marriage to end.

 

I am so frustrated... All I asked for was for him to give us a chance and he can't do it. I didn't even respond to his "saturday maybe" text. I am done trying... I am done holding on and putting forth any effort. I will see what he has to say, but I am calling a lawyer tomorrow to see what I need to do to file for divorce. I am not telling him yet. I will tel him when the papers are filed. I feel so devastated, but at the same time I almost feel like I can finally start my life again. I still want to be with him, I still have some kind of strange hope that things will change... I mean, anything is possible, even getting back together after a divorce.... But I am not going to wait around wondering how he's feeling about things. I know that when our daughter is born and we are once again living in the same city it will be awkward... He can't say he doesn't love me... I still love him. How can two people who still love eachother and have to see eachother often because they have a CHILD togther not have any possibility of being together? But I am not banking on it... And i know in my heart that I'll be ok. I actually was offered my old job back when I am ready, with a "substantial raise"

So now I am trying to look at this time in my life as a vacation of sorts... I am not working, I am living with my mom, I don't even have to do my own laundry or cooking! lol... That will all change when I am on my own with a baby. So I am taking a deep breath and making some choices for myself and for my daughter...

[redhearts]

Well congrats on getting that raise and your old job back! woo hoo!!!! Real proud of you to be able to stand strong and on your own. But what I see this as, is that you may not really love him still, your just struggling for any bit of hope to be a whole family because your expecting. He lost out on a great woman and for all you know he can be still going out and around with this woman. Who knows why men cheat, but he cheated and he doesn't deserve a second chance, nor a third or fourth, especially with how hes acting. I mean even if he does one day say I want to be back in your life, don't believe it for a second or fall so quick, once a cheater always a cheater. Once the trust is gone it almost never comes back, if it does it feels like there is something missing there. Its over between the two of you as it seems and all you need to do is focus on you, keep at that, focus on you and your baby and your future. Good luck!!!!