I've Fallen for Someone I Can't Have

[Jordan42]

It seems silly to me, but I can't stop wanting to be with this guy I work with. I have never tried to be more than friends with him, but I guess back in September I was overly flirtatious. He sent me an e-mail letting me know that he was dating someone and that he only wanted to be friends. I apologized to him for giving him the wrong idea and assured him I only wanted to be friends. At the time I really only did want to be friends.

 

As time passed I realized I had fallen for him, hard. Now, every time he smiles at me, every time we are together, any time we talk, any time I see him, I feel so happy and so sad at the same time. It sucks. What makes me really sad is how nice he is to me and how well we get along. I love being with him, but it constantly reminds me of what I can't have.

 

Thanks for "listening".

[holeinmysoul33]

You know, there are alot of good reasons not to date someone you work with. Imagine, if things don't work out how akward it would be to work together. Also, people will accuse both of you of playing favorites for eachother. And management will always eye you more carefully when you talk to eachother, meaning they will dislike you two talking more because they know your together and think your wasting time (you can always talk outside of work!). I'm dating a guy I work with, and those kinds of problems have surfaced with us. The management thing is especially annoying because if either of us were talking to any other employee, they would not say a thing. But anyway, you can kind of look at it in that way.

 

Still, it sucks knowing you can't have what you want. I've been through that many times, and in the end if they don't want you enough to leave their significant other, then its not worth your time pining over them. Even if you do get a chance at a relationship, it won't be all you thought it could. I guess I'm pretty jaded when it comes to that portion of a relationship as I've been hurt too many times by it.

[JSHRN]

Hi Jordan.

 

Sorry to hear about your situation. So many times in our lives we meet someone of the opposite sex, either at work, or out in public, that we "click" with. We are happy when we are around them and look forward to seeing them. Unfortunately, they are often in a relationship already. Our hearts are broken. We see ourselves happy with them and believe that we are the better mate for them than what they already have. It may be innocent flirting but often times we are let down when we can't have someone (or something) we want.

 

Nothing says you can't stop being his friend. I know you would like more with this gentleman but since he sent you an e-mail letting you know that he was dating someone there's nothing you can do. Keep yourself busy - practice your hobby, join a gym, volunteer in your community -- anything. You'll open up a whole new world for yourself and meet many people in the process. Who knows -- maybe you'll even meet the man for you. I know it's difficult but you can't put your life on hold for this guy - hoping or thinking that he'll be available anytime. (Maybe he will, but for now, you have so many opportunities to meet other guys). For now, just keep being his friend and enjoy the time that you do share together - even if it isn't exactly what you want. Good luck.

[Jordan42]

Thank you both for your replies. It is really hard, especially because I see him doing the same things I used to do. I am currently married, but will be divorced soon. My husband and I separated in May of this year and our divorce should be final in February.

 

Three years ago I became infatuated with a man that wasn't my husband. My infatuation lasted about 3 months; until the object of my infatuation found out. He confronted me and I assured him over and over that I only wanted to be his friend and that I loved my husband. I didn't want to risk ruining my marriage or a friendship, so I lied. We remained friends and I continued to be unhappily married.

 

I can't help seeing how the person I've fallen for is acting and think that he might have feelings for me, but doesn't want to risk it. Maybe I'm reading too much into his behaviour or being too hopeful. I agree that it isn't a good idea to wait to see if his feelings change, but it is so darn hard. I'm just so frustrated and sad. Love can be so wonderful at times and so heartbreaking at others.