i'm suicidal

[terminus]

Hello,

 

I live with suicidal tendencies one year. I feel it more like an organic thing then thoughts. It's like I've injured myself with (my) magic(k), while confronting and argueing with one person who knows me and with who I don't want to comunicate anymore. That happened one year ago and since then I'm not doing anything, all my activities with music and literature, my two main occupations before, stopped and I'm doing hothing... I can feel that my voice is slightly changed, also I look a bit different from before... As someone mentioned in another post, I also feel strange when I'm out in public, I'm avoiding contacts with people and friends, I just want to be closed at home and...do nothing.................................................... I thought maybe that talking to other people who have similar feelings as mine could help....................................... if this is a forum for that.............................................

[eurocar]

Welcome to ENA. I am sorry that you're feeling down.

 

Of what "magic" do you speak? Can you go into more depth about this? Also, can you explain who this person is that you confided in but with whom you no longer wish to speak?

 

It does sound like you have clinical depression, barring any trauma you may have recently, or at one time, experienced. Can you recall any particularly significant events in your life that may have affected you?

[terminus]

Well, I got more interested in the occult since a couple of years ago (I'm 28 y.o. now), I was reading an interesting book about the occult issues by Aleister Crowley (I can also recommend another author, if someone's interested) and I think/believe it can be said that the world and the universe are based on magic... Magic is every intentional thought, also it can be sensed in the way we're writing or speaking, in the voice... For me, every person has magic in him/herself and by this I mean good magic, a way to make someone feel good, etc... Also, there are people who say they can cure someone if s/he is under an influence of black magic, but what I'm asking myself, is when someone's cured from that, does the body, the organism can feel and function completely healthy again or the body is damaged, the organs inside don't function properly..................that could be a direction in which the discution can continue...............I just don't feel a balance inside my body, it's not a psychiatric issue but it's like I'm experiencing occult phenomenons of an unpleasant kind..............................