why? please explain

[Landon]

So me and my girlfriend have been back together for a week now, she is 21 living with her mom and dad, with our son.. its so hard for me because she really cant do what she wants, she can only stay with me usually one night a week. I feel she's letting her parents control her life, she says she's just respecting there rules.. i agree with her a bit but she has her own son to take care of. Her parents dont like me very much because of the things i have done in the past. but im planning on going over there when my girlfriend isnt there to talk to them and let them know i want to start on a clean slate, and that i am doing anything in my power to change my ways. Please give me some advice.. Its just so hard not to be with her and my baby everynight.

[Landon]

Im also feeling as if she doesnt want to be with me as much as i want her.. maybe im just thinking this because i feel that she would probably stand up to her parents and let them know that she will respect there rules but they should give her some damn leeway.

[metrogirl]

Is there anyway she can stay with you instead?

 

Just a quick warning...I'm speaking as a parent here......Be prepared to deal with her parents probably not believing anything you say about changing your ways. They are going to have their daughters best interest at heart.

 

Actions truly speak louder than words. If you truly want to change your ways, then show them.

[Landon]

ya but her parents are big christians and dont they believe in foregivenes?

[metrogirl]

ya but her parents are big christians and dont they believe in foregivenes?

 

I'm sure they believe in forgivness, they are just going to be less quick to believe that you really want to change your ways so quick.

 

If their daughter has been really hurt by you repeatedly, they have no reason to believe that you are going to change all of a sudden. You really need to put forth an effort to change and let them see that for themselves so that maybe they can truly forgive you.

 

May I ask, what happened with you and your ex? What ways are you looking to change?

[Landon]

im starting by going to couseling and everyday i think of something new in which i want to change for the better to make this family work along with changing for myself. Im just saving money like crazy so i can show her that i can support her and our son.. so as soon as possible were going to get another house together or an appartment.. thats why i feel she moved in with her parents because i couldnt support them at that time

[Landon]

I cheated on her 2 years ago, and everyday i wake up hating myself for it

[metrogirl]

I cheated on her 2 years ago, and everyday i wake up hating myself for it

 

Is that the only thing? Were you abusive in anyway? Emotionally or physically?

[Landon]

no way ,i would never, i think you dont really know what you have until its gone sums this all up more me.That scare will make me do whatever it takes.. just trying to start on the right foot, to change.

[metrogirl]

no way ,i would never, i think you dont really know what you have until its gone sums this all up more me.That scare will make me do whatever it takes.. just trying to start on the right foot, to change.

 

Well, all I can offer you is this.....continue with counseling.....continue to work hard and save up so that you are showing her your efforts to keep the family together. Hopefully in time, she and her parents will see that you mean business......I hope everything works out for you.

[Landon]

thanks, we did have a plan on moving into my moms 45 minutes away from where we live right now. she was so exited then all of a sudden she changed her mind 2 weeks before the move.. i really think her parents really influenced this decision. Cause she was really exited.

[postscript]

Honestly, it's hard having strict parents. She may be 21, but in their eyes she's probably still their baby - and heck, she has her own baby, so they are probably ONLY thinking about what is best for their daughter and her own baby. Sure it might not seem like the best plan in your eyes, but they obviously feel that they can do a better job raising this child, and they are obviously still very emotionally attached to their daughter, and don't want to see her hurt.

I think you should go over there, talk to her parents a bit, help out in every and any way possible with the baby, make life a little easier for them - really take responsibility.