What do you feel constitutes a healthy relationship?

[Blackbear]

Do you feel that it's important for partners to accept the other's friends and family without any jealousy?

Do you feel that 'change is growth' and shouldn't be a threat?

Do you think that trust is most important in a relationship?

Do you feel that good self esteem should always be or sometimes be encouraged?

Do you feel that it's ok to attempt to change the other person in the relationship?

What about self sufficiency? Should it always be encouraged as well?

[Mlost]

1.) Nothing should ever be accepted absolutely. You should accept the other person's family unless you see clear signs of a family member stepping where they don't belong in your relationship. For friends, it's a case-by-case basis. If you are jealous, talk about it and if they agree/disagree, come to some resolution. Nothing should be accepted automatically just because they're friends. Relationships create boundaries that need to be respected.

 

2.) Change is not always growth. Positive change is always growth and should be encouraged. You will be able to see positive change vs. negative change. If they are changing one aspect of their life that doesn't concern you but at the same time they become more loving towards you; positive change. It's because every negative thing we conquer leaves us with more energy and love to give and we give it to our SO. You can tell good change. Stamp out bad change.

 

3.) From a soon to be divorcee, trust is essential. It is the bedrock, the capstone, the foundation. It is everything, because it determines how you interpret a kiss, a comment, a hug, a laugh. If you trust the other person, you have no fear. Fear kills more relationships than anything else. Trust is life (to quote Good Will Hunting).

 

4.) Of course it should always be encouraged. It makes the person whole and a better partner.

 

5.) You should always try to help the person with changes they realize they need to make. Never push your agenda on them. But, if you suggest it and they follow it, encourage their progress. You want them to grow, right? So grow, change.

 

6.) Absolutely. Self-sufficiency shows that the person is in the relationship because they want to be, not because they have to be.

[greensleeves]

Yes

Yes

Yes (along with mutual respect and a sense of humour)

Always

Sometimes...it depends on what you're wanting to change( for instance, alcoholism or drug addiction yes/basic personality traits no)

Yes, but it's okay to help eachother too.

[livinginsbi]

Do you feel that it's important for partners to accept the other's friends and family without any jealousy?

 

Jealousy is a sign of insecurity and mistrust - neither one is a great thing to have in a healthy relationship

 

Do you feel that 'change is growth' and shouldn't be a threat?

 

Change is inevitable and if you ignore it you and your partner will eventually be at separate places in your life. Change is not a threat, lack of recognition of change and lack of communicating is the threat. No change means things are stagnent - anything that is alive goes through change and relationships need to have life.

 

Do you think that trust is most important in a relationship?

 

The ability to communicate is the most important thing in a relationship -- you can have all that other stuff: love- trust-fidelity - but when you fail to communicate with each other, it's the kiss of death.

 

Do you feel that good self esteem should always be or sometimes be encouraged?

 

This depends on the couple. I think you have to love and accept yourself before you can expect anyone else to love and accept you. With that said, I think the right person can help you see the good qualities and help with self esteem, but that takes a very special person. Most people don't want that obstacle from the beginning.

 

Do you feel that it's ok to attempt to change the other person in the relationship?

 

Never go into any relationship thinking the person will eventually love you enough to change whatever it is you don't like. Not saying someone can't or won't change, but it has to be their idea and their free will to do so. If you can't love the person unconditionally from the start, then get out. I would never say to someone - if you love me you wouldn't XXX - actually, I did say that to someone once and didn't get the answer I was looking for and needless to say it didn't last.

 

What about self sufficiency? Should it always be encouraged as well?

 

Both parties in a relationship should feel that they could survive without the other person if they had to. I'm sure this sounds totally against a let's be together forever mentality, but a person needs to feel their independance within the couple. Each person should be able to keep their own interests, friends, etc. And the couple should support each other in this effort, not get jealous or insecure because their SO has some diffrent interests. Couples do need time apart, as well as time together.