New guy in need of advice =)

[brim012]

Hello all,

 

Was looking for advice, becuse last nigth my grilfriend of two years recently told me she loves me and I am what she wants right now and in the future but she doesn't want our relationship to be so serious right now. Recently we had a small argument, we made up and a couple of days after she said this to me after I had just sent one of my usual texts saying I love her.

 

She says I plan things too much like marriage and moving, etc which scares her. The thing is though, before she would be the one to bring it up and always loved talking about it and doing it really early. She wanted to move in together so I would look at places and was planning it, she never once seemed against it and in many ways it was her decision to try it. I do like talking about marriage aned our future together and all but never saw it as making plans and she always loved talking about it with me.

 

This is driving me nuts because I just don't understand how I become less serious about the way I feel about somebody. It also sucks because I was buying an engagement ring but now I don't know what to do.

[ghost69]

how old are you guys?

 

sounds like she wants to be serious but she doesn't want to be THAT serious. marriage and rings and kids and houses and what not are very serious topics.

[kuiks8]

As women we are raised to believe that at a certain point you get married, its almost instinctual to start thinking about the next step if you are with someone you love, in a romantic kind of way. When things start picking up and the reality of what that means sets in it can be very daunting to some people.

I would say back off a bit...give her some time to process things, continue to be there for her and love her but respect her wishes.

The worst thing you could do is ask her to marry you right now...

[brim012]

WE are 22 and 20 and thanks for the advice. Decidided jsut back off a bi when it ocmes to those things.

 

Little more advice need though.

She goes out every once in a while clubbing. I usually can't go because I don't know spanish music or how to dance to it. I do trust her, so I don't really mind when she goes but it's the dancing.

 

Lot of grinding and provactive danceing. To her dancing is nothing but it still bothers me. Before I just sucked it up and let it go because I do trust her but what bothers me even more know is i was talking to her about it and she says that's why she wasn't sure if she wanted come to come to her 21st birthday party becasue she was afraid I'd flip when she danced with toher guys. Im not that controlling or anything so me flipping means she would have to be dancing pretty bad with them me for me to get mad.

 

Just the whole comment of not wanting me to go because you will be doing something that wil make me mad, bothers me.

 

When things make her uncomfortable I try to acomodate her feelings but it seems that is just on my side. Since the beginning of our relationship I always kinda held my opinion to myself when things made me uncomfortable and let her do pretty much anything she wanted becuase I trust her.

 

Things is they still make me uncomfortable and I thought if she were to know that she would do tings a little different without me having to say anything. When it came to clubbing or the few guys friends that I hate because they want to make smart comments all the time.

 

Now I feel like I made a huge mistake not just saying my opinion regardless. Now she tells me things like being with me is just like being single and comments like that drive me nuts.

 

Is it too late and would be bad for me all of a sudden start saying my opinion and limiting thngs.