what are your objectives when you go out with someone?

[crinklecat]

This is for all of those who have been dumped before.

 

I'm curious whether or not how you go into a relationship affects the level of hurt you feel if it doesnt work out.

 

I go into relationships (or dating) not expecting anything but a friendship. Thus is the current situation regarding the person who most recently dumped me. We never had the talk to define our relationship and I thought I was just dating him. we got along great. I'm hurt and sad.

much more than I thought I could be. We dated only 2 months.

 

I'm trying to use this experience to better myself and hopefully develop a thicker skin.

 

Am I going into dating the wrong way?I want to get to know people as who they are not what their potential bf/ husband qualities. I dont think of the relationship but it the attraction happens it happens.

 

Are there better ways to go about this dating type thing? Should I go into the dating looking to find someone I feel has those qualities? and not get to really know them as friends until I see that they have those quailties?

 

I'm just wondering why I'm having a hard time about this dump

 

Should I even think that it's me when he dumped me for someone else???

[Ebowski]

I've worked at a bar for 2 years, and have seen thousands get together and break up.

 

There is not set way to get into a relationship. I have married friends who got to know their wives with a "check yes or no" letter. Of course they dated all throughout high school.

 

No, the way you go into a relationship doesn't affect the feelings at the end, unless there was some regret from something you or your partner did. For example, you seeing someone else behind his/her back at the beginning of your time together.

 

Even though the relationship only lasted two months, it is normal to get broken hearted even though not much time was invested. Breaking up is rarely a shared idea, so one is left with little or no explaination. Once, a girl dated me for three months, and when we broke up, things were left unanswered. It bothered me for a year. I eventually got over her, and pretty much forgot about her.

 

You still sound young, but that isn't a bad thing. Relationships tend to get deeper as people get older and build more character. Also, people who go through alot of pain tend to be more mature. Best thing to do is keep your friends close so you have someone to run to when times get tough.

 

Good luck with your situation. And a thicker skin is more like a shield. Sometimes it is best to just let go instead of hiding behind a shield.

[inastate]

Sorry to hear that he did not want to be with you.

 

I totally understand what SwingFox and Ebowski are saying about thick skin burning into a shield though. After a dumping/break up its so very hard to put yourself in the right frame of mind to meet and be with other people.

 

I've also been in the situation where a relationship with a friend was undefined, until the topic came up and she defined it for me...Perhaps not the way I wanted it to be though

[crinklecat]

Ok, if it is something that comes with the dating turf, I dont understand why I feel winded with this one. Is because I opened myself up? or that it was off guard? out of what I think would be nowhere?

[Ebowski]

In my opinion, this is something you have to dive into. If you read my depressing post I placed on Dec 5th, you see how I really feel right now.

 

Time heals everything, but you have heard that before.

 

The girl I am referring to in my first post (Dec 5th) is really special. I loved everything good about her. I love everything bad about her. There isn't a thing I don't love about her. Although now that is a little too late.

 

Magic happens when you open yourself to another. It is a great feeling.

 

Worst thing you can do is let your situation get you down. Keep your head up. I know it is hard to do, but nothing in life is easy, except giving up.