weird middle phase

[Jerseygirl]

so i guess it took me a while to even admit to the fact and write in the "break up" section of this forum. My question is simple i guess... My ex and I have been togther for a year, and both decided the smart thing to do is to end things since i was getting unhappy with the long distance and he is a marine moving to oklahoma and then california (while im in ny)--we also both knew our relationship has no future, and it wasnt helping that i began feeling he was dettaching himself from me. Anyway, where we stand now is that he is moving in 3 weeks to oklahoma. We still talk but not as much and not the intimate way we used to and we plan to hopefully try and see eachother one last time before he moves away..the problem is that i get sad everytime we speak, i can literally feel our dettachment and as if it is 100 times harder for me than it is for him...i know the best thing to do is NC, but im in this kind of limbo since i may see him in the next 3 weeks--and so then i cant just stop talking to him. Then the question is should i even see him? its so hard to walk away from this one last opportunity. What do u guys think? i decided to stop trying to contact him and so if he calls ill know he actually wants to talk to me as opposed to thinking that hed rather not talk to me...

[HajiMaji]

Well, so many of us have been in your situation. The "good" advice would be to not speak to him or see him even. But the problem is, sometimes we have trouble doing this type of thing. Its sorta like eating healthy. We should eat healthy, but sometimes we might say, "Hey, this cake cant be too bad, can it?" and we eat a piece.

 

You may feel like talking to him is ok, but it usually only makes you feel worse afterward, like eating cake on a diet.

 

But, yeah, you are in limbo, and thats a tough spot to be in. I have to ask why you want to see him before he leaves? There are lots of reasons it could be appealing, but I just dont know which ones you like.

 

Going through a break up is really hard. Theres not a lot you can do to help, but there are a few things you can do to minimilize the struggle. Breaking off contact is really good because it forces you out of the limbo stage. If you truly believe it wouldnt work out with this guy, dont contact him really. Its hard enough to get through a break up when you realize its the right thing to do. When you constantly talk to an ex you may second guess yourself or intensify feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, or whatever.

 

Overall, I am sorry you are going through this.

[Jerseygirl]

thanks for your response haji. I want to see him because he'll be in oklahoma, california and then iraq for the next three years. If i see him it could give me a sense of closure i guess, because i really dont think i will see him for the next three years. Also, the reason we broke up is that he wasnt able to give me what a girl needs out of a relationship, let alone the fact that we weren't physically together. So we decided to make it less painful we would end it, so i wouldnt have expectations anymore. At the same time we said we'd talk still-but not as much- and definitely try to see eachother before he leaves. AS far as I know, we still both want to see each other, as ive asked him twice and both times he said "absolutely".

[HajiMaji]

Well go ahead and see him or not, it really doesnt matter in the big picture. I can tell you from experience, that gaining a sense of closure is sort of difficult, and regardless what you guys say to each other or if you get to meet face to face, gaining closure comes from within yourself. Seeing him might make you upset, but thats all it can do, which sucks, but youll get over this in time.

 

Not seeing him for the next 3 years, while seemingly sad in this moment, is going to help the most.

[drewciouS281]

You have a lose lose situation. If you see him you will get more depressed and when he is gone it will be harder to let go because you will have that one last visual in mind. Of course like Haji states, you will get over it in time. or..... you can start the NC right now and act as if he is already gone so when he actually is it wont be any different. You have a huge plus for you. He will be in other states so you can do what you want, see who you want and date who you want without the worry of runnin into him. Your gonna be just fine. Breaking away from someone you care about is hard but in your cause you both knew it was for the best so keep that in your head and remember there is always someone better to come your way.