confusedandlost1 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 ok this thing has been eating at me inside for a week now. february, i met this chick at a party, she got my e-mail from someone else and started contacting me. we hit it off and started to talk and went out for about a month and a half but now but we both decided it would be best if we were just friends because she didn't know what she wanted and i didn't know what i wanted, but this was huge mistake from my side because i don't want to be friends. that was a week ago, she's been in contact IMING me but i try to not to talk to her much because it brings back old feelings. she's out of town right now but told me to message her just so she can hear from me. anyways, i want to just tell her that i don't want to be friends and still be with her. is that a wise thing to do? i don't know if she still has feelings for me or not, but i just want to give this another try. what's the best possible way to do this? Link to comment
tazthecat Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Ok, so you only went out for a month and half, and you don't know how you feel about each other? It's only been a month and a half???? Call her, make a date, go out and have fun(mini golf works like a charm) then tell her you would really like to be more than friends.. Take it from there....I'm really unsure of why you were both analyzing your relationship after such a short time.. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 we said it's better off as friends but i don't want to be just friends You mean - she said that you're better off as friends. In latter text I don't see that you have feeling to be better off as friends nor did I ever saw real mutual breakup and I don't see that is even possible. What to do? If being friends brings back old memories, then you will have to talk to her about it and either cut the friendship (and contact) or get back together. I don't see any other solution here. Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 You mean - she said that you're better off as friends. In latter text I don't see that you have feeling to be better off as friends nor did I ever saw real mutual breakup and I don't see that is even possible. What to do? If being friends brings back old memories, then you will have to talk to her about it and either cut the friendship (and contact) or get back together. I don't see any other solution here. ya i know we didn't know each other long enough but i just had strong attraction for her. she even told me the same at first but then the attraction kind of went downhill for some reason. but really we both said we should be friends, at first i was hinting at it and even asked her straight up but she said she didn't want that and then next day she said it's the best thing to do. she even said we can still hang out with each other but i just told her no it'll be too awkward because i didn't want to come off as weak. Link to comment
Pegasus Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Please reread your post - you wrote "she said" numerous times. That is obvious reason why attraction died - you just said "yes" to everything she says...sure way to kill attraction. Been there, done that, been burnt. In almost all cases, loss of attraction is ireversable so learn from this case and move on. Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 Please reread your post - you wrote "she said" numerous times. That is obvious reason why attraction died - you just said "yes" to everything she says...sure way to kill attraction. Been there, done that, been burnt. In almost all cases, loss of attraction is ireversable so learn from this case and move on. ya i realize that... my mistake was that i got too close too fast and maybe that scared her off. so there's no possible way in going back, just start to ignore her messages and forget about her?? no hope whatsoever at all?? Link to comment
Pegasus Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 so there's no possible way in going back, just start to ignore her messages and forget about her?? no hope whatsoever at all?? I can't decide for you - I can tell you just what I think and I think there is none. I'm sure there will be posters that will think differently (most of them never agree with me ;-)). Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 can i get a female's point of view on this?? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 well, can you give me more details? how many times did you go out? how "far along" in the dating were you? Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 we went out a lot there was lot of messaging and phone calls things also escalated quiet quickly and that was both of our concerns saying we are going a lil bit too fast. she holded out on the sex but we pretty much did everything else. i just can't stop thinking about her for some reason, at first i wasn't THAT interested but now i just want to be with her again, i didn't think calling it off would affect me that much. i know it's only been short time but it just feels weird without hearing from her, i got used to it. i've been debating on talking to her about this, but i just think that would even make it worse and it would also make me look weak and needy and that is something i would like to avoid. we have talked a lil bit since the end of it but not much, she initiated the contact though. she said that she still wants to hear from me but again i'm debating on it. i haven't said or done anything yet. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 Well, they say some of the BEST relationships start out as friendships. This only ended a week ago...I say call her and see what happens...perhaps she has had a change of heart? Don't say anything...just see what happens. What do you have to lose???? Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 Well, they say some of the BEST relationships start out as friendships. This only ended a week ago...I say call her and see what happens...perhaps she has had a change of heart? Don't say anything...just see what happens. What do you have to lose???? call her and what? that would seem weird and creepy. and i got lots to lose, pride, dignity, and even if we do go back, she'll be the one controlling and will be grabbing me by the balls while she goes and does whatever she wants. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 well, what if she's had a change of heart? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 you said that she's been calling and saying she wants to hear from you...so...if you're gonna "be friends", are you willing to try it? Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 well, what if she's had a change of heart? how can i figure that out? i just want to devise a strategy that makes it seem like she wanted me back and not the other way around. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 well, you gotta play it cool...like you did when you left it as "we're just gonna be friends". Don't show her your hand. Act like you are friends until you figure out where this is going. IF IT TURNS OUT MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE, then you'll have to back yourself out. But for all you know, she had a change of heart. But you'll never know unless you return her calls. Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 well, you gotta play it cool...like you did when you left it as "we're just gonna be friends". Don't show her your hand. Act like you are friends until you figure out where this is going. IF IT TURNS OUT MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE, then you'll have to back yourself out. But for all you know, she had a change of heart. But you'll never know unless you return her calls. i seriously just want to tell her that i don't want to be friends, i'm not gonna play around and watch her get it on with other guys while i sulk around. argh decisions, decisions... Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 you can do that, but wait and see how the "initial" meeting goes first. just wait and see. Certainly don't sit there and watch her date....no no no...I'm just saying...return her call and see how the first "friend only" encounter goes. Maybe she misses you too????? Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 well i have decided to tell her. now i'm stuck on how i should tell her should i meet her face to face and then tell her, i was thinking of txt messaging or doing it over msn? what if she doesn't want to meet up? Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 well i have decided to tell her. now i'm stuck on how i should tell her should i meet her face to face and then tell her, i was thinking of txt messaging or doing it over msn? what if she doesn't want to meet up? DO NOT DO IT OVER A TEXT.... I would do it face to face. You guys have a very deep relationship. Do it that way. Then you can see her body language and she can see yours. It may go better than you think. Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted April 26, 2008 Author Share Posted April 26, 2008 DO NOT DO IT OVER A TEXT.... I would do it face to face. You guys have a very deep relationship. Do it that way. Then you can see her body language and she can see yours. It may go better than you think. ya i figured i got nothing to lose, i seriously don't want go to the process of finding another one that i would care about. i'll try and see if i can make it work, but if not what the hell at least i know that i tried instead of always thinking about it and beating myself up for not doing anything. btw, how are you certain that it will go better?? i personally see her rejecting me...:sad: Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 it's better to do it in person than over a text...that I am certain. a text is very impersonal. she has to address the matter in person. in a text, she CAN reject you if she wants. it's better to know than to go the rest of your life wondering. There's an old saying... "of all the words spoken by men the saddest are there 'what might have been'" ...I know, because I wish that I had spoken them 24 years ago. Good luck to you and let me know how you make out. Godspeed... ~Allie Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 well i talked to her and she said she's not ready for a relationship and friends is as far as things will go. she still said that she would still like to be friends and hang out but none of the intimate stuff that we shared before. oh well. i guess it's better to know how she feels now but i don't feel so good anymore :s Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted May 2, 2008 Share Posted May 2, 2008 If its only been a month and a half and she already just wants to be friends than dude, take a hint. thats waaaaaay too soon. Just cut her off completely! Link to comment
confusedandlost1 Posted May 2, 2008 Author Share Posted May 2, 2008 If its only been a month and a half and she already just wants to be friends than dude, take a hint. thats waaaaaay too soon. Just cut her off completely! but i really enjoy talking to her and hanging out with her. i really don't want to stop all contact, i know in her eyes i probably look like a loser for coming on too strong but i don't care, i'm like a different person when i'm with her or around her. it's just too bad that she doesn't feel the same. Link to comment
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