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Very confusing, and can't find help!!

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About 4 years ago I met a really good friend, who became my bestfriend. She made me really happy, and we pretty much ended up dating. We kept our dating on the downlow pretty much since no one around us accepted that sort of thing.

I never had feelings for a girl before, and I more or less wanted a guy. I wanted it to be known that I had someone, and I wanted it to be acceptable so I could show my feelings. About a year and a half into our relationship I ended up meeting a guy online, she pretty much knew about it; but never thought it would get serious. I didn't either ... until he came to visit, she was royally jelous, but I was lost in the feeling of being with a guy again and being able to express my feelings for someone. He began visiting every few months, and I kind of wanted to break it off with her, I didn't cause' I didn't want to be alone when he wasn't around. I still wanted her as a friend, but if I broke it off with her we wouldn't be friends.

Anyway, her and I ended up not working out since last year we finally called it quits. It was a rough breakup and we played the whole rollar coaster game where we forgave each other, and then got back together, off and on and so on. Til' finally it was completely over, I havn't physically seen her since May of last year. It got to the point where I know she was having people call and threaten me on the phone, but it all stopped and I've been fine.

I'm still with the guy and he still visits me, and all this time I've completely forgotten about her until now...

I'm really depressed, and I really rather be with her for good this time. I didn't really know what I had til' I lost it. I have some of our old pictures a few that I hadn't torn up after the break up of when our first year when we were really happy together. I miss her like crazy, I even tried talking to her but she didn't have anything to say, and she didn't seem the least bit' interested. Shes a completely different person as well, she got deep into drugs, and drinking. I still love her, and I want her to be the old person she use to be and be with her again and I don't know what to do.

I finally told the guy about it, and he said he understands ... he was kinda shocked but he said he knew something about it. He doesn't know that I still want to be with her, and that I still love her, but it's true.


What can I do to get over this situation? I'm hurting really bad, i'm depressed and all I can do is think of her. Even when I sleep I have constant dreams of her and I together again, and I guess i'm desperate to have her that I find myself sleeping way more just because the dream feels so real. I'm really hurt, and I need someones help definatly.

I would appreciate it very much if anyone could help.


P.s - I've tried forgetting her, and I did until now ... kinda ... and I didn't have a trick that I used before to forget her, it just happened. Now it's all reversing on me .. just getting that in the clear since everyone tells me "Forget about her" "Keep yourself busy" "You don't need her" and whatever else.

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You can't drive two cars at the same , it'll be difficult to impossible to say the least. You haven't been faithfull to your gf. Why did you allow him into your life while you were still with her in a relationship. Basically your own choice has made the situation impossible for you, and the unhappyness you are in now is the result of your own choice. You didn't oversee the consequenses of your own actions, and you didn't question the risks that you would get when you were cheating on your gf.


My advice: Make a choice in a partner, and as long as they aren't unfaithfull you should stick that partner. She didn't deserve to be put thru this misery even if you liked this guy.

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I felt the message was already long enough, I left out some great details. I'm not in denial, and I can live up and agree with everything you just said. However, I didn't just find a guy because I wanted to. I ended up being uphappy with her, she never liked to do anything fun. Her idea of hanging out was laying around on the sofa, maybe go to the movies like once every three months. Everything involved T.V, we never really did anything special. After a year into our relationship she wasn't the same that she use to be when we very first stated dating, I tried talking to her about it but she was incredibly stubborn.

Her immaturity level went way off the road, and it got to the point where everything she said to me just got on my nerves. She was never serious, and the very few times she was serious she was very sarcastic with me. She ended up getting moody and I will definatly tell you it was way worse then P.M.S, and it happened to be an all year round' sort of thing. We had some good times, but more or less bad ones. Then the drugs started coming in, and she began pretty much drinking her life away. I was never into girls, and I didn't even want another girl, I more or less wanted a guy. I told her about him, and she said she would try and change many times but I think it was the booze talking. She lied about everything she tried keeping her drinking away from me, and her smoking, and drugs, and everything I didn't like away from me.

I don't even want to be with "her" now, I just wish it would go back to how we use to be. When we first met, when we first started dating, and so on. We were both happy, and the photos I have of her looks nothing like her now. It's like their two separate people, and I kind of feel like I don't know her, I only know her past person so her past person is dead to me. It's like she ended up dieing, and I know i'll never see her again. I guess now that I read it over and over it was pointless to write a thread, there isn't going to be any hope in changing anything at all. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for the reply though

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well if she was no fun then why do you want her back? cake and eat it too anyone?


I was happy with her "before" she changed, which is the whole reason I found someone else. And I said I didn't want "her" back now, I want her how she use to be. Which is why it's pointless to write anything, cause' it's never going to change. I guess I just wanted to talk about it, and let it out instead of botteling it up. But you are completely right, I made a mistake; and I deserve every bit' of this. Thanks for the input

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wow, you sound like my ex lol. She dumped me for a man and I was devestated. They're still together and it still kills me, but you've given me hope that maybe one day she'll regret it.


She probably will, can't really blame for wanting to experiment. Not that it was right, but it's a different story stepping in our shoes. Was she ever with a girl before you? Or better yet was she ever with a guy before she was with a girl? It's hard when a relationship goes down hill, but I guess "love" should have waited til' we were both ready for it. Not really fair how life is dealt to people like cards, it's what we're stuck with ... now we just have to play our hands, and I think it was dealt too early. ](*,) Not much we can do though, I'm sorry to hear that happened to you and I'm sure she probably will ... if she doesn't already.

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no she hadn't been with a girl before me, only guys. She said that I'm the only girl she could ever have seen herself with and that she wasn't attracted to other girls. It lasted 2 years.. then a guy at work said that he liked her and would dump his gf for her. After he did that she dumped me but said it had nothing to do with him. A few days later they were together about a month into there relationship she started coming onto me and saying that she was still in love with me and not him, but he could offer her more of a future because she couldn't imagine settling down with a girl. She slept with me a couple of times, then went back to him and told me it was a mistake and that she doesn't wanna cheat on him. I see them around together all the time and it hurts so much. I really do hope that one day she misses me and feels she's made a huge mistake. I don't think i'd ever trust her not to hurt me again though to be honest.

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I'm sorry to hear that, it could be hard since your the only girl she ever dated. Thats how it was in my situation, I'm really girly, and she was ... rather manly looking. I felt awkward with taking our relationship to something public, but at the same time I wanted it to be normal and known. It's a shame how our society can really screw up peoples relationships and have nothing to do with it all at the same time. She probably just doesn't know what she wants, and if you guys were bestfriends for a long time; she will definatly regret it. If you two are fairly young, then that also has an impact on it. Hope everything gets better for you:sad:

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