2900 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 we've been trying to sleep next to each other for a year! it just doesnt work so he only says the night on the weekends. last nite, i let him come over to try to sleep. i figure, its been a while, maybe it will work this time. it didnt. he fell asleep and i ended up sleeping on the floor in my 2nd bedroom. suggestions anyone? i am absolutely exhausted today! Link to comment
d24 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 does he snore, do you flail, is the bed not big enough, is there teth grinding, do you talk in your sleep, are you too hot, etc? These things matter in being able to reply constructively Link to comment
2900 Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 he is a quiet sleeper. no sounds. queen size bed and i think it is adequate. temperature is fine. its so frustrating! Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 we've been trying to sleep next to each other for a year! it just doesnt work so he only says the night on the weekends. last nite, i let him come over to try to sleep. i figure, its been a while, maybe it will work this time. it didnt. he fell asleep and i ended up sleeping on the floor in my 2nd bedroom. suggestions anyone? i am absolutely exhausted today! I think you need to say why it didnt work Link to comment
Hope75 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 There was a similar thread about this situation a short while ago.. Link to comment
2900 Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 I think you need to say why it didnt work im not sure. i just can't sleep when he is there next to me. i tried snuggling up next to him. i tried not touching him and staying on my side of the bed. i dont know... Link to comment
free2Bme Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Do you normally sleep in the middle, and then when he is over move to one side? That could be why. I have had this trouble on and off with my boyfriend. I am such a fidgeter in bed and he is really still, so when I fidget it keeps him awake, so i lie there trying not to fidget, and that stops me from sleeping! lol. DOH!!!! Link to comment
2900 Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 Do you normally sleep in the middle, and then when he is over move to one side? That could be why. I have had this trouble on and off with my boyfriend. I am such a fidgeter in bed and he is really still, so when I fidget it keeps him awake, so i lie there trying not to fidget, and that stops me from sleeping! lol. DOH!!!! i sleep in the middle when he comes over too. lol i practically push him to the edge of the bed! but he slept fine last nite. i move around a lot too. and i still do when he is over. im not very considerate when it comes to me sleep. lol Link to comment
Lucabrasi Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Oh i thought this would have been a snorign issue. Sometimes I make weird noises in my sleep, and my wife is a light sleeper, so we have had issues before where one of us will crash on the couch. If it's not an issue of being woken up, then I have no idea Link to comment
Sirquacksalot Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 im not sure. i just can't sleep when he is there next to me. i tried snuggling up next to him. i tried not touching him and staying on my side of the bed. i dont know... I'm not quite sure I understand: How can you not know what is bothering you? I mean, when my ex-fiance and I lived together, she would sleep in the middle of the bed, diagonally, eventually pushing me off the edge. Many was the night where I swore loudly, grabbed my pillow and an extra blanket and slept on my couch, only to have her come out 3-4 hours later, wake me up and say 'sweetie? Why aren't you in bed?' I get the sense from your 'I don't know' that its probably more of a mental issue than a physical one. Is it possible that you subconsciously (or consciously) can't handle having someone else in the bed with you? Or that perhaps you feel like your space is being invaded? I know that when my ex started sleeping over, it literally took 3 straight weeks of her coming over nightly before I could sleep, just because it was *my* bed, and had been for some time, and now I had to share it kind of thing... Link to comment
jraf Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Sleep habits are really ingrained. I go to sleep, lying on my right side, on the edge of the bed, reading. I've done this since I could read. When the time came to share the bed, I tried variations, but in the end that's still how I go to sleep. It does mean my back is towards my gf and I have absolutely no problem with her being tight up against me, but I've got to have the edge, on my right side and my reading. I used to travel a lot and sometimes would have to rearrange a hotel room to get my sleeping conditions right. I hurt my right shoulder a while back and the physiotherapist told me I could not sleep on my right side. Took me a few weeks to get a good night's sleep. You should examine your sleeping habits a bit more than "you sleep in the middle of the bed". Also, most of us have a pre-bed ritual that we, consciously or unconsciously, carry out every night. Is your pre-bed ritual the same on the nights your bf is with you? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 possible you pay attention to his breathing pattern? i know this can throw people off. Link to comment
2900 Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 i totally agree that it's a mental thing! nothing he does while he is sleeping bothers me. it's just having him there that keeps me up. i would like to try having him come over every night for a while to see if i'll get used to it. but i can't handle the lack of sleep. i can do fine at work half a sleep, but i won't be able to study. Link to comment
2900 Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 i've read a little about the pre-bed ritual thing. i take the dog to pee, go myself, drink water, turn on the music and turn off the lights. lay in bed and i can feel my body start to slow down and then i'm asleep. sometimes it takes a while for me to fall asleep though. for the most part i did these things when he was there last night. Link to comment
2900 Posted April 17, 2008 Author Share Posted April 17, 2008 possible you pay attention to his breathing pattern? i know this can throw people off. i did lay there and listen to him breathe. but wen he turned on his side i couldn't hear him. i remember asking him if he was awake because the heavy breathing stopped, but he didnt' reply so he was asleep. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted April 17, 2008 Share Posted April 17, 2008 Well this sort of thing is hard on the other partner too. When i first moved in with my now husband he had lived alone a long time and had a hard time with this also. It really bothered me and stressed me out...he also had sleep issues. He was finally diagnosed with "restless leg syndrome" and was treated for it and it changed our life literally. But he worked very hard on the sleep thing because he wanted us to share a bed. He overcame it and i bet he was single and slept by himself far longer than you. This is something that you should really try to work on IF it bothers your partner...and it probably does even if he doesn't say much about it. Link to comment
Kelebek Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 I think a queen size bed is just barely big enough. When my fiance and I are married, I plan on getting a king or California king - I'm not a big girl, but I need to spread out! Link to comment
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