Reason for Initmacy Issues??

[Boomergrrl716]

I've been married for 7 years, and it seems the more time that passes, the more my intimacy issues grow. Has anyone been given any specific reasons for not wanting to have sex, foreplay, anything with their husband -- by doctors or counselors? I don't know where to go first, but I know I need help.

 

I LOVE my husband, and can't imagine my life without him in it. But as for sex, I just shrug my shoulders, "Eh, could do without it..." I just don't feel as though that's normal. I sometimes feel anxiety about having sex. What's up with that. I'm 28, and my "sexual peak" should be coming, and that's the only hope I have of making my husband (a wonderful, patient man) happy.

 

Everything else in our lives seem on track, and we have a lot of fun together... the activitiy in the bedroom is just pretty much empty... because of my problems here.

 

I have no history of sexual abuse, I am physically attracted to my husband (especially on an emotional level), we have no children... if there's any other info you need, just let me know.

 

I want to make him happy. I've never faked an orgasm, but I have faked wanting sex... I'd do it with him because (as an example) it would have been 2 weeks without any sex, and I know he needs that. He doesn't beg for it... in fact, always says, "If you don't want to, that's okay... he's SO patient and understanding! I usually get into it once we start, but starting is usually the issue. And I can't seem to stand foreplay... like it's the "expected" thing to do or something...

 

Ugh... I'm a mess...

[richmonder80]

Strange. At least you are thoughtful enough to realize that he needs it...I think that is important. Because soon or later, men will look elsewhere (the timing depends of the man, some can last a year some can only last few days).

 

I hope you figure it out, for your marriage sakes. Your hubby sounds like a good man.

[Enigmatika]

Are you working a lot?

[Aurian]

Maybe talk to a doctor and see if your hormones are at the right levels?

 

Are you taking any medication? Anti-depressants and birth control pills are both well-known culprits in axing sexual desire.

[Boomergrrl716]

I work a regular 40-hour per week job, but am going to school, also. I am very busy, always making plans, barely having an open weekend. Hubby and I spend a lot of time together after work -- he's working full-time and going to school, also. I seem to thrive on a busy schedule and am always trying a new adventure... maybe too busy?? Could that have something to do with this? If so, how does that relate?

 

I do not take birth controlp pills because of the hormones. I have a history of depression, but I was able to get that under control about 4 years ago through medication -- which I haven't taken for those 4 years. So no birth control, and medication of any kind...

 

I've wondered if it's my hormones... I don't like to self-diagnose... makes me feel like a hypocondriac (sp?), but I suppose I should ask again. There is one time each month I seem to have a LITTLE bit of sex drive. That is usually (sorry for details guys) the last day or two of my period. Then it drops off again. but even then, I don't always get that bout of drive, either. It's really hit or miss.

 

I feel like I'm missing out if I only get "excited" once a month... if that.

 

Thanks for the compliments on my hubby. He really does deserve it. He's a great guy, and very understanding. Don't get me wrong, he's been frustrated -- a lot, and I can't blame him! He deserves more than he's getting. And I certainly want that more to come from me!!!!

 

I appreciate your replies. Please let me know if this additional information tells you anything!

[Boomergrrl716]

Oh, about the hormones and BC pills... They've made me moody/depressed in the past, and docs once thought that could be the reason I have sex drive issues. I've tried several pills, as well as low-dose horomone options, and they all seem to affect me, so I just quit taking them all. Still have the issues...

 

Just wanted to clear that up since I mentioned the hormone thing...

[Tethys]

Hey Boomer,

 

What was your upbringing like, in regards to sex? What was your parents' relationship like? Have you ever experienced an orgasm, alone or with a partner?

 

Just trying to get more info.

[Enigmatika]

Obviously, the major symptom of low sex drive in women is a low or absent desire for sex. According to some studies, more than 40 percent of women complain of low sexual desire at some point. The percentage is smaller — 5 percent to 15 percent — if you only count women with ongoing problems.

 

Still, researchers acknowledge that it's difficult to measure what's normal and what's not. If you want to have sex less often than your partner does, neither one of you is necessarily outside the norm for people at your stage in life — although your differences may cause distress. Similarly, even if your sex drive is weaker than it once was, your relationship may be stronger than ever. Bottom line: There is no magic number to define low sex drive. It varies from woman to woman.

 

Sounds that you are "normal."

I work a regular 40-hour per week job, but am going to school, also. I am very busy, always making plans, barely having an open weekend. Hubby and I spend a lot of time together after work -- he's working full-time and going to school, also. I seem to thrive on a busy schedule and am always trying a new adventure... maybe too busy?? Could that have something to do with this? If so, how does that relate?

When was the last time you and your hubby got away from all the chaos and stress? Just the two of you?

[Aurian]

Have you always had a low sex drive or is this something that kinda grew over time or is happening during a stressful-sounding time (wow, you sound busy!). Perhaps you don`t have the TIME to relax and feel frisky? ("Sex? Now? I`d rather catch up on my sleep!") Its hard to feel sexy when you are feeling harried by chores, deadlines, and work.

 

Maybe try get some time away for a romantic long weekend? Just relax and rekindle the romance?

 

It doesn`t sound sexy, but have you thought about scheduling a time for being intimate? My bf's sex drive is a bit wonky at times so we kinda schedule private time every week. Even if we don`t do it, we still have some intimacy (back rubs, cuddles, etc). Sometimes if you`re busy, its easy to let sex go on the wayside, and many couples recommend actively making time for it.