Bestowing Birthday Wishes on a Recent Ex: Yay or Nay?

[Brokenhearted87]

Thanks Npc. Seems we have the chasing them away element in common! I just woke up and I feel physically sick in my stomach about how things stand now. I mean, he's so angry and hates me now. My friends say that "what he just did was wayyyyyyyy uncool", stuff he said etc., and that he's just p'd off and will pretty soon feel very guilty about what he did and said, but that doesn't make me feel any better. I now have to leave him completely alone for a few months. So all hope is lost.

[npc24]

well i find myself obsessing over the fact that a shirt i gave him which was one of my favorites and hes wearing it in these pictures he just posted of himself.

i dont think its about hate, its about giving someone time to miss you and to live their lives. what you want to say is that you want them happy, if you truly love them you do. The hard part is wanting to be a part of that happiness, when you cant be. I wish i had just walked away right away, while he was quesstioning himself and his decisions, and yeah my fighting for him pushed him further away, but im trying to remember that i showed him my heart, my soul and the love i have to for him. try to keep that in mind, that you love him and that is all he needs to remember.

if you've shown that, then you've given him anything you will ever need to give him to come back.

I dont think my guy is comin back, i dont know if he thinks about me, and certainly hes not obsessing this far down the line the way i am.

[Brokenhearted87]

I guess I know deep down that he doesn't HATE me. That's a strong word, and I haven't done anything really WRONG to warrant being hated. But he's definitely mad as hell at me for being so damn clingy and desperate and basically a mess with dealing with all this the last two weeks. Not as mad as I am at myself now! Was so mean to me yesterday, can't stop thinking bout that. Not even a proper "yeah, talk to you in a while" reply when I sent the last text for a few months, which I was hurt by. Then this morning he sends "Hey (my name), I just wanted to send you a text and say thank you so much for all your lovely gifts. They are really wonderful and so thoughtful. So thank you. D xx" ....my package obviously arrived today. I didn't respond and won't. But what the hell......total meanie yesterday to forced politeness today with kisses at the end of the text?!?! My head hurts.

[npc24]

Do Not Respond, Whatever You Do Dont Respond.

As Soon As You Do He Will Exert Control Again And Disappear, Let Him Feel Bad For Being Rude To You.

Trust Me, Im Begging You To Not Respond For At Least 3 Days...and If You Do Then Just Say "you Are Welcome"

Nothing More

[Brokenhearted87]

I'm not going to be talking to him for quite some time. I actually don't have any urge to talk to him again for a long time, he really upset me. The funny thing is if that text had been sent yesterday before the big fight we had, I would have replied immediately. But the comments he made, corny as this sounds, are resounding in my head and really stinging. He really hurt me yesterday. And I want him to have this time to reflect on the things he said and realise how hurtful they were. I said nothing bad about him. I hope he felt awful when he opened that package and saw all the thought and love I invested into it.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

We broke up the day before my birthday! I didn't even get a text asking if I was alright, and when we saw each other for the last time a week later he never mentioned it..... Guilt perhaps? His mum had bought me a gift and everything - doubt he bothered!

 

It was his birthday at the end of last month, and no I didn't send him ANYTHING! I did tell him what I bought him though, (this was before the breakup because he kept asking me as he hates surprises), so I told him and he was THRILLED! Shame he never got it, but I have no regrets over it.

 

I marked his birthday differently. I bought my mum some flowers. When its my dad's birthday (he died when I was little), I always buy a gift for someone to mark it, even if its just a box of cookies for the office, I am remembering the day and buying a gift.

[npc24]

stella would you send your ex a voicemail in my case?

its in June, i doubt ill hear from him on my bday in a couple weeks but hey

[Stella Sleepwalks]

If your birthday is before his, then let him set himself up for a fall. If he is man enough to extend you birthday wishes after all he has done to you, then graciously accept and return them in exeactly the same way he has ackowledged your birthday. Don't do anymore for him than he does for you. That goes for him doing nothing.... If he does nothing, then you should do nothing for him. Your birthday is just as important as his after all. Don't sacrifice your feelings for this guy.

 

I honestly did feel better buying my mum those flowers, it got it out of my system and I acknowledged his birthday in a way - my way. But I didn't lose face or risk having my heart broken all over again. People should treat others the way they want to be treated. Its as simple as that.

[npc24]

yeah i guess its that need to be the better person and prove that, but frankly i feel like he knows i am.

i dont want him to think i forgot it, or think that if he doesnt wish me a happy one that he forgot mine.

i really wish i hadnt looked on that page and seen that shirt!

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Read what you have just written - you are making sense hun!

 

You wrote

 

yeah i guess its that need to be the better person and prove that, but frankly i feel like he knows i am.

 

So he already knows that you will be thinking about him.

 

 

i dont want him to think i forgot it, or think that if he doesnt wish me a happy one that he forgot mine.

 

I think in your heart of hearts you know he isn't going to acknowledge your birthday, and so you are planning how you are going to approach his. Don't make excuses for him ignoring your birthday if he does. There are no excuses.

 

 

i really wish i hadnt looked on that page and seen that shirt!

 

Coulda, woulda, shoulda! No one can help you if you can't help yourself. If my ex had treated me the way yours has, I would be setting up my own myspace page. I would be wearing my new guy's t-shirt, my tongue would be down his throat, and the song playing would be "Good Riddance" by Greenday!

[npc24]

HAHAHAAHAH YOU ARE AMAZING.

I JUST DONT HAVE A NEW GUY CUZ I Cant find myself able to just hook up with people. I'm a bad gay, i actually fell in love.

Do you honestly think he doesnt even think about me when he wears that shirt? i mean i dont know, its so pathetic to even care but frankly it was my favorite shirt and i gave it to him and we had a whole chat about it when i did.

the other part of me is scared that even if i had that new myspace page with that, he wouldnt even care in the least

[npc24]

and yeah sadly my heart tells me in two weeks all day ill be hoping to get a text and i know i wont

[npc24]

btw stella, you were right, i didnt hear from him.

his is coming up june22, im still debating a text and its that far away

[SRufus]

Well, my birthday has come and gone. I did get a text from EX 1...........but most recent EX sent me nothing. I have debated in my head to send her one for her birthday (in June), but she would probably frown on it.

[npc24]

yeah i dont know if it makes us the better person or just another pathetic attempt in their minds.

frankly i just want to be the better guy and i do want him to have a happy one, but knowing his behavior and what he has said to people about me, etc, he'll just use it as another way to roll his eyes and be dramatic