Dusibello Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 As an organization we are wondering how to best say goodbye to a co-worker who is losing his fight against cancer. His illness is inoperable and untreatable and he has just entered a long-term care facility that likely will transition to a hospice in a matter of weeks. He is not mobile and likely will be confined to a bed for the rest of his days in this world. Cards, flowers, etc. seem inappropriate. A whole bunch of us filing in there to see him does not seem like the right thing to do either. Any thoughts or suggestions are welcome. Cheers Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 Maybe you could make a movie where people can leave personal messages, favourite memories, funny stories...This way he/she can know how much everyone cares but doesn't have to put on a brave face or get worn out... Link to comment
greensleeves Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 Maybe you could make a movie where people can leave personal messages, favourite memories, funny stories...This way he/she can know how much everyone cares but doesn't have to put on a brave face or get worn out... I think that's a wonderful idea! Then a couple of his closest friends from work could bring it to him. Link to comment
15 Storeys High Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 The above. And a collection for his family, particularly if he has kids. Link to comment
Snoopy24 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 I think the video sounds like a great idea. And maybe even make a scrapbook. I don't know how close you are or if you know his family/friends outside of work? But if you could get in contact with them, and everyone can pitch in making a scrapbook for him. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 Great ideas here, already. I think the scrapbook is a wonderful idea too, and one option for that might be in the form of a huge poster, where people glue things on, stick their favorite things on, draw...not goodbye messages, but cute, funny, charming, colorful, inspiring do dads that he can put up on the wall to cheer him. That might come in handy once he's in the hospice facility. I also don't know if this is feasible or how close people are at your organization, but I think it would be nice to have someone visit him from there each week or two. Just to bring stories of the office and bring cheer and company. You could all take turns with this. That way, it's not just a final goodbye, but there is a bit of continuity where he knows he's not forgotten. Link to comment
jazzykat Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 I agree with the above ^^^ Very thoughtful/good ideas from all of the posters, but I'm sure you'll do what feels right -given that you know the man and his situation. I'm sure he'd be happy to know he's being thought of, and not forgotten. Link to comment
greensleeves Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 Great ideas here, already. II also don't know if this is feasible or how close people are at your organization, but I think it would be nice to have someone visit him from there each week or two. Just to bring stories of the office and bring cheer and company. You could all take turns with this. That way, it's not just a final goodbye, but there is a bit of continuity where he knows he's not forgotten. Love this idea! Too often people tend to stay away from terminally ill patients...your presense is the best present of all. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted April 11, 2008 Share Posted April 11, 2008 Also maybe arrange a cooking schedule for the family....if people could make meals to bring over to the family so they don't have to worry about cooking. I know this was very helpful to my family when my grandmother died. Link to comment
Dusibello Posted April 11, 2008 Author Share Posted April 11, 2008 Wow - great stuff. Terrific forum. Glad I found it. Many many thanks to all. Link to comment
eurocar Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Perhaps it would do him a disservice to remind him of his impending doom; rather, creating a collage of funny pictures, sayings, quotes, etc. would be more pleasing to a dying person. I know if I were him and I got a movie of everyone sharing their greatest memories with me, it would depress me, because I'd be reminded of my imminent demise. But that's just me. Link to comment
summerpeach Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Get her this book. This book offers peace in times like this Byron Katie's Question Your Thinking, Change The World, Link to comment
greensleeves Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Perhaps it would do him a disservice to remind him of his impending doom; rather, creating a collage of funny pictures, sayings, quotes, etc. would be more pleasing to a dying person. I know if I were him and I got a movie of everyone sharing their greatest memories with me, it would depress me, because I'd be reminded of my imminent demise. But that's just me. I tend to agree with this. It's almost like an early eulogy and it's hard to know what a person's reaction might be to this. He might feel like "hey, wait a minute...I'm not dead yet In theory it's a good idea, but I like the scrapbook and upbeat ideas more. Link to comment
eurocar Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 Get her this book. This book offers peace in times like this Byron Katie's Question Your Thinking, Change The World, I can attest to Byron Katie's truly supreme wisdom... what an awe-inspiring person. Transcendentally insightful for sublunar problems. She has really helped me and my dad (independent of each other) and I think your co-worker would without question derive enormous benefit from perusing her book(s). Great suggestion! Link to comment
eurocar Posted April 15, 2008 Share Posted April 15, 2008 I tend to agree with this. It's almost like an early eulogy and it's hard to know what a person's reaction might be to this. He might feel like "hey, wait a minute...I'm not dead yet In theory it's a good idea, but I like the scrapbook and upbeat ideas more. Exactly. You put it much better than I did: an early eulogy; that's precisely what it is. It's a bit creepy, really. I'd stick to things totally, or mostly, unrelated to his prescribed fate. Link to comment
Dusibello Posted April 15, 2008 Author Share Posted April 15, 2008 thanks all again. we did decide to go with the upbeat, fond scrapbook type of thing where everyone will contribute anecdotes, messages, etc. and the byron katie book is an excellent reference - thanks also for that. Link to comment
kuiks8 Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 I came back to this thread to find my idea usurped...I am just going to defend my idea and say this..it might seem somewhat morbid but i am sure this person has had time to face the fact that he is infact dying and if it was me i think it would be quite amazing to hear from the people in my life, to hear candid and authentic memories, feelings about who I am and the impact i might have had on their life...It gives the person an opportunity few of us are afforded...a chance to hear what people would say to you if they knew you were leaving their life...and it would be a great memory tool for his family.. so however "morbid" it might seem I stick by it... Link to comment
eurocar Posted April 18, 2008 Share Posted April 18, 2008 I came back to this thread to find my idea usurped...I am just going to defend my idea and say this..it might seem somewhat morbid but i am sure this person has had time to face the fact that he is infact dying and if it was me i think it would be quite amazing to hear from the people in my life, to hear candid and authentic memories, feelings about who I am and the impact i might have had on their life...It gives the person an opportunity few of us are afforded...a chance to hear what people would say to you if they knew you were leaving their life...and it would be a great memory tool for his family.. so however "morbid" it might seem I stick by it... I personally wouldn't want to hear it. That's kind of where I'm coming from. Link to comment
Censored Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 Maybe you could make a movie where people can leave personal messages, favourite memories, funny stories...This way he/she can know how much everyone cares but doesn't have to put on a brave face or get worn out... Having my best friend dying of cancer in the past, i can tell you now, that they DO NOT have the energy to be seeing people coming and going. The video idea is a wonderful idea and takes away some of the "morbidity" of people filing through to "pay their last respects". Whether or not it appears that way, that is how the people can feel. When you are dying, the perspective of things, and acceptance of your own mortality takes on a completely new approach. Scrapbooks, videos, thoughts and prayers, are all wonderful ideas to really let the person know what impact they have had on others lives. To let them know that they have made a difference, impacted and given joy to so many people. To show them that their life was and has been a beautiful addition to so many others. Afterall, at the end of the day (which it may be for them) this is what really matters. Link to comment
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