How do I fall in love with my wife?

[JukeboxHero]

I've been married for 8 years and have 3 kids. Don't ask how I got here. How can I learn to have an emotional need for her?

[mermayd]

Unfortunately, an emotional bond with someone is not just handed to you on a silver platter. I wish it were that easy. Do you love your wife??As a person, I mean...as a friend...

Maybe you should try accepting her as your mate...embedding in your mind what qualities that you appreciate about her. But you shouldnt have to force your feelings...your feelings are yours and they are honest. Just try to see if you can recognize things that you haven't recognized before. I would also talk to her and tell her what you look for in a marraige and relationship. Maybe you can find things you have never attepted to search for. But, unfortunately, if the love has been lost, then it may not be able to be saved....

[cindydm]

Hi,

 

After years of marriage that can happen but there is hope because it can be fixed. Learn about each others needs, wants, and desires. Talk to eachother........and focus on doing things together. Reading together, exercise together, shower together.....bath each other, massage each other. Develop a new closeness. Get childish sometimes and play board games, video games, look up entertainment places. Play miniture golf. Make out in the car!!!! Have a picnic on the living room floor. Play with the kids together. Have family game night.

 

Share thoughts together....share dreams.....watch go ice skating together.......go to the movies and tell her not to wear under pants.....then make out in the car later. Make love in the rain for once if you have not done so. Do anything to spice up your marriage from activities together to exploring eachother. If you are religious go to church together. Concentrate on new things you can do together. Also, remember when you first met......recreate your first date. Talk....enjoy eachother. Bring home a bouquet of flowers not consisting of only roses to add SPICE. Focus on that friendship and marriage you too share and with the love you share make it feel like new love. Be surprising sometimes. Talk to your wife and tell her you want to show her how much you love her and just do it!!

 

Spiritual, Emotional, and Physical Connection.......focus on you two!!!!!!!

[Jeffrey]

My counselor recommended a book on this subject called (something like) the "Five Languages of Love". Might help. Best of luck to you.

[KeepItReal1607306446]

Every couple that I have heard speak about marriage, and have been married a long time (like decades), says you go through periods of not "feeling" love for your spouse. They kept going and worked at it based upon commitment. The feelings do come back if you stick it out and maintain your commitment and vows.

 

Remember, love is not a feeling, love is something you do. Please don't make any decisions based on feelings. Feelings will always come and go.

 

Take the advice of the previous poster and romance your wife again. Do it when you don't even feel it. You will reap what you sow and eventually you are going to like the fruit you get from the seed you planted.

 

Three kids also changes a marriage quite a bit, and you hve to remember this is just a phase. (One day, they will leave the house.) You are going to have to try some new things with these new changes to your household. But whateber you do, don't give up on your marriage, maintain your commitment and work through it.

[cindydm]

Yes,

 

You definitely have to do the romancing again. Also remember people grow and needs change so you will sometimes need to ask each other what type of things your spouse would like for you two to do together.

 

Marriage has its ups and downs but it is all worth it. If you like you could also talk to a counselor to help you two.......but reading books and getting some ideas to spice things up are good sources as well. I have a magazine here that tells how to spice up a relationship after years. The things I told you have some of the things the magazine said. Just keep the communication lines strong and respect each others needs, celebrate your love and you will see the difference. You two can even go away for the weekend and have fun. You will feel the spark again!!! Like the other poster said.....the love is not gone!!!!!!!!

[cotten5]

Did you ever love her? If you did you can get it back. Get help, marriage counseling is intimidating but it can help alot. It's hard to admit that you need help. But your marriage and kids deserve it that yoou at least try. At nine years of marriage, I did the counseling thing, and then divorced my husband. A little over a year later we remarried. Why? Because I love him more than I thought possible. I've heard it said that the first 10 years of a marriage are hard work even hell sometimes.( I can totally relate to that) But the second 10 are awesome. So far they have been for me. We both worked hard on it, we both had to make some changes, and we both had to want it to work. No more arguing, yelling, fighting, etc. Sex????? Did you know men can get so much more out of sex if they are faithful and patient and loving. Eventually sex goes from the hohums and goods, sometimes great. Too oh my god!!!! All the time.