should i be mad or hurt? or both?

[crinklecat]

I am dating this great guy. We have a great time together I had an incident today that I would like to share and get opinions on.

 

Keep in mind that we have had sex in the past, so our relationship is both sexual and emotional.

 

I went over today, and hung out with him and mentioned that i wouldnt mind having sex. we just hng around for a bit, and then he told me that he didnt really want to have sex with me because he thought that I was coming over for a booty call. or at least to him that is what it seemed like. This is after I just hung out with him for about 4 hours and just talked. I have never had jus a booty call iwth this guy. I am confused and upset. We have been dating for a couple of months and well, We havent had sex so often. I kind of felt that he wasnt in the mood and he was just manipulating is as to not be the bad guy because he didnt want sex. am I right? Well never the less, I was a little huirt that he would think of it that way, I welled up tears in my eyes ( and I tried not to show him) and told him that i would be ok and just go home. He had mentioned that he wanted to go and ride his bike. I told him that it was ok (which it reallyt wasnt) that he should go out for a ride and I would go home. I got all my stuff together and told him bye, and didn't really look back at him He asked me if I was ok (which i lied and said that I was) and he said that i was running away from him and I was upset. I told him that I'll be ok and just walked off.

 

I am upset and hurt. I am embarrassed. what the heck? Can someone explain this to me? I feel like he manipulated me., I feel embarrassed and hurt... Should I? I am not sure how to handle this.

 

I am thinking that I dont want to speak to him for a while, like to take a break, bu I dont want to play this game or be played. help! Should I sxend him an email telling him tjhat I wam sorry he interprested my actions the way that he did? That would be enabling right? I dont have to apologize for anything since I kind of feel that he is the one that insulted me. Right?

[S4il]

well a guy to turn down sex, isn't that rare at all, hell I'm a virgin, I have had girls ask me *person question* hinting towards sex, and my response has been the same. which is NOPE!

 

don't sweat this, his sexual drive just wasn't at the level at the time. maybe he just got done masturbating or something??? hard to say...i would just forget the E-mail, don't send him anything, that could make him feel pressured, and could lead to some unwanted thoughts, or words between you 2...just next time he wants some good loving, don't give in..right away that is, or not at all, depends how horny you are i guess...LOL

[crinklecat]

I dont know, but personally I think that that was some kind of excuse. at least it seemed to me that way. call me suspicious but I've been burned too many times to think otherwise. It just confuses me b ecause I've never did a "booty call" with this guy... why would I start now?

 

im embarrassed.

 

and hurt that he would thbink that. do you thinkg that giving him "space" would help? I dont have any pland st call him and if he did i really wouldnt know what to say.

[lunatic]

I am a guy and I never ever turned down my girl when she asked me for sex. I personally think, you should NOT apologise for anything and that you might consider that he either is not interested in you or he is seeing someone else.

 

Again I never heard of a guy turning down sex because I know that I would NEVER turn down my lady!!!!!!

 

Remember everyone is different but, most men when it comes to this are ruled by hormones.

 

I am sorry about being so blunt.

 

Hubman

 

P.S. PM me if you need more advice.

[sayer7]

It's ok to feel both hurt and angry... usually they come hand in hand when it comes to rejection.

 

As for him, if you've been dating a while and the sex has slowed down some and he's rejected you, maybe it's time to have a heart to heart rather than lying to him about how not having sex makes you feel. You feel hurt, you feel rejected, you don't know why he's rejecting you, and most guy don't usually turn down a girl for sex except under very unusually circumstances. It's ok to tell him how you feel in a non-accusatory way-- just sit down and discuss the issue with him in an adult way-- don't fly off the handle or make it into some drama festival.

 

Maybe he doesn't realize the damage not having sex is having on the relationship-- and if he does realize the damage and is rejecting you for that purpose in mind maybe it's time to re evaluate the relationship. You deserve more than a guy who is manipulating you by refusing sex.

 

I strongly advise having a heart to heart with him. You were in the wrong for lying to him about feeling ok with his rejection. You should've told him right there that you felt a little angry and hurt that he rejected you and you should have told him how the lack of sex was influencing the relationship in a negative way.

 

I was in a similar situation and it turned out the reason my bf rejected me was because he hated how he looked naked because he'd gained some extra pounds. I finally got to the point where I told him, either he needs to start doing things that helped shed the weight so he wouldn't feel so self-conscious about it or we needed to spend time away from each other until he did. It's not fair to a partner to be rejected constantly that way-- in my case, we didn't have sex more than once a month, I got rejected dozens of times, and it lasted for over 8 months until he finally lost the weight and felt better about himself.

 

So you really need to have a heart to heart and get to the bottom to why he rejected you before you pent your hurt and anger more and explode one day.

 

Hope this helps...

[sisterlynch]

Is he helping u to cover over an addiction? This is what enabling is, sorry I don't know how to spell it!!

 

He needs to stand up for himself and live life by his own rules and restrictions.

 

If you are needing him more often than he wants then maybe he needs a different level of communication from you and he feels that you cannot commit to a relationship, so he is really trying to distance himself from you and your needs.

[crinklecat]

Now that we have broken up, I really feel that it was he that wasnt interested or had another person on the side.

 

He just wasnt interested in commitment with me.

[sisterlynch]

The two of you just broke up and it takes a while to put it all into perspective. Make sure that you are getting out and meeting new people. Go do all the things that you couldn't do before.

[crinklecat]

the feeling of loss is pervasive. I guess the lonliness is kicking in. It's weird, I dont feel lonely for him specifically at all, just lonely for a smile.

 

it's the grief, right?