In love with a depressed girl

[spoon]

The problem I've got, is that I'm in love with a girl who is quite depressed (we are both 17 years old).

She has been sexualy abused when she was younger and has been cutting herself for some time now, plus couple of suicide attempts like cutting her wrists.

At the moment she is in the hospital for therapy.

 

I really would like to look if we could start a relationship, because I really want to give her my full support and love, but I don't know If I can handle it.

I am a very sensitive guy, and she could drag me along with her depression easily.

But on the other side, I've been though a lot of things in my life already, and I know I can get back on my feet again (alone).

 

It's quite clear I've got absolutely no idea what to do with the situation, and If it's smart to try to start a relationship with that girl.

I do love her. . .

[akatoro]

Hey.

Perhaps it could help her get better?

[spoon]

exaclty my thought, but most of my friends say it's a stupid thing to do.

[akatoro]

It is what you think and feel that it is important.

[spoon]

I don't know what to think about it, the only thing I do know is that I love her, and that we are very much alike.

[akatoro]

Then you should give it a shot, bud =)

[spoon]

Then you should give it a shot, bud =)

 

I can't just give it a shot. I completely have to go for it, or don't go for it.

I can hurt her so much, so easily.

[QTpie87]

please don't leave her. my boyfriend has just left me and i am goning throught the same thing as she is. she needs someone to cry on and to love and love her back. she may start to treat you kind of bad sometimes but just hang in there and let her know that you love her because whenever i started to treat my bf bad it was because i didn't feel loved and i have a very low self-esteem. take her in please god.

[FinchRUs666]

GO FOR IT, dosnt matter what your friends think, matters what you think, dont give it a shot, completely go for it if u think its right

[Inhale]

I should first point out that I am a quite depressed person and, in the past, I did go through a phase of cutting myself. I don't cut myself anymore, but sometimes feel like I want to. But I've been no way near as bad as this girl is, and I've never been sexually abused. I have some problems with relationships.

 

Love does help against the fight against depression, but a depressed person will have problems feeling love and find it hard to love. So the more love going their way the better.

 

The problems with going into a relationship with a depressed person, especially one as fragile as her, are you can't get really angry with her or really frustrated with her. You also can't let yourself be brought down with her because she'll blame herself. You actually just can't be unhappy because she'll blame herself, even if you are unhappy for reasons that have nothing to do with her and you plead this to her, she'll still turn it against herself. And, because she does have a history of sexual abuse, or maybe just because of the depression itself, there may be problems with sex and intimacy in the relationship, which may not be a problem with you and you may tell her this, she will still have huge issues with it. She will make issues where you believe there aren't any. Also, she will need a lot of attention and positive reinforcement.

 

If you really wholeheartedly believe you can handle all this, even though you are as sensitive as you are, and can do all the things you have to do then go for it, because when it works it can be really good…. but when it doesn't it can be really bad.

 

If I was you, I'd just try to get as close to her as possible as a friend and love and support her from there.

[spoon]

Thank you very much everybody, this information is really usefull to me, and it's clear for me that I should go for it.

 

But there is still one thing that bothers me... with all the problem that are already there, we also live about 300 km away from eachother (although the hospital is 65 km away from here).

Do you think this would be a huge problem?

[spoon]

I've had a long conversation with a good friend, and she has allot on her mind already, so I think I could support her the best if I'd just be a good friend to her.

[ForAnother]

I am going to give a short story so maybe it will help you.

 

I earlier this year I dated a girl who has Atypical Depression. I dated her for 1 month and 2 weeks. We were close (we had sex) and all and we were having fun yadda yadda yadda. I love her, she is a great person. I would consider myself a strong person, I can handle alot and I don't go under too easy. After 1 month I noticed I was starting to get a little depression. I loved being around her but suddenly I noticed that I was slowly going into a depression. When we broke up (cuz of distance) I got into a deep depression. I went to a psychiatrist and he diagnosed me with a mild case of Atypical Depression. I didn't think that someone could pull me down, but they can and it is so hard to fight. I can't count the number of times I have tried to commit suicide this year or thought about it. I have attempted to hang myself, and almost got the courage to attempt to overdose.

 

I love her because she taught me alot about myself, but she took me down a path that I wish i took a little slower. I want to tell you dating someone with depression is rough. You have to be a very cheery person to not get stuck in this. I wasn't able to, maybe you can. Inhale has some excellent points. She will use anything and everything against you just because her mind is just so angry, that she blames herself. She blames herself because in depression I have noticed that making myself cry and hurt about myself has made me feel better. I like knowing that things are my fault cuz I hate seeing someone else get hurt. I would suggest being by her side. Helping her, holding her hand. Dating someone has to be cuz you like their personality, what they have to say. If you date her because of sympathy, I think you will have the wrong idea. She must respond with love the same way you are talking to her. Careful, depression is absolutely hell.

 

For another