Negative friends who poison your mind

[Fox1198]

Any of you have friends that are so negative they're always poisoning your mind?

 

I have such a friend, and I allowed him to poison my mind a bit (stupid of me I have learned) with my ex-girlfriend, and he doesn't even know her much.

 

Any of you have friends like this? What's your advice on this? Perhaps they may mean well, but end up being so negative that it kinda makes you think of the worst.

[jettison]

I had an ex-GF like that once. She was always complaining that other people were sucking the life out of her, and being too negative, yet she complained about them so often that she was doing the same thing to me! If you're complaining about complainers then aren't you really... erah... nevermind.

 

When it comes to your opinion of others, it's REALLY important to show a little bit of backbone and refrain from henchman-like qualities. I tend to often be friends with people who other shun or else osticize because they don't fit in. If everyone else hates them, there's a fair shot that I'll give them half a chance. It's kind of like "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" kind of logic, but more subtle.

 

For some people, they would have nothing to say, add, or contribute if they weren't complaining. "Easy to be a critic, hard to be an artist". The lazy person's approach is always to play critic. Artist's and creatives usually don't bother to critic... too busy living, loving, and being creative to worry about anyone else's shortcomings.

 

So, the lazy person knows no other form of expression. You take that away, and they become a mute. So, perhaps they're conscious of it, and now they'll trying to change themselves. Now, exhaustion will be a form of expression, and that's their way. "God, I'm just so tired. I'm just so miserable. I can't make it. I wish this day would end! I'm losing my mind!" People offer up their empty set of remembered phrases about exhaustion because there is nothing else to offer. So, you just listen to them as you would ambient static you might catch on a busy street corner, occasionally nodding your head in faux agreement or acknowledgement.

 

I guess my summation is that people aren't very self-aware. Constant complainers usually don't see themselves as such. Extreme critics don't realize it either. And the exhaustion crowd? They'd feel lost if you didn't take that away from them. All that said, I think you kind of have to give everyone a break. If you friends fall into any of these categories, then rest assured that it is making them more miserable and disinfranchised then it could ever make you.

[Lionel Hutz]

Yeah I have got a friend who is so cynical its ridiculous. He believes the worst in everyone. Even though hes my friend I can only hang out with this person in moderation. I remember when My ex and I broke up he was so happy. It pissed me off, it was like he was glad I could share the unhappiness. Funny since he broke up with his girl for the most selfish reasons and to this day has trouble with the opposite sex. As we grow older you wonder if these people are worth having in your life.

[FreedomRing]

I tend to chalk it up to the old saying "Misery loves company". PPl that are unhappy with themselves and their surroundings waste no time, trying to bring others down as well...

[jettison]

I tend to chalk it up to the old saying "Misery loves company". PPl that are unhappy with themselves and their surroundings waste no time, trying to bring others down as well...

 

My ex-GF was only cool with me when she imagined I was miserable, or sick, or broken... because she was always miserable. I actually caught myself feigning misery on occasion, and then I knew that I had a problem.

[Lionel Hutz]

I tend to chalk it up to the old saying "Misery loves company". PPl that are unhappy with themselves and their surroundings waste no time, trying to bring others down as well...

 

I knew there was a phrase for this type of behavior,I just did not remember. Thx!

[Somerandomguy82]

I have definitely noticed that some people love to associate their failures, "what ifs" and mistakes with situations other people are going through.

 

For example I think random male #1 is more likely to tell random male #2 that his girlfriend is cheating on him based purely on speculation if #1 had a girlfriend that cheated on him. Random male #3 may be a better person to ask because he has not had a girlfriend that cheated on him at some point in his past.

 

I think in some ways we are all guilty of this behavior based on our own personal experiences that other people are oblivious to. It's why it is so important to learn and grow from your experiences so that you can put them in perspective. It's why certain personal opinions and speculation should always be processed after facts. Some people seem to lack the ability to learn and grow from negative and/or painful experiences and end up feeling the need to group these feelings with other people even if the events are only slightly relevant.

[FreedomRing]

My ex-GF was only cool with me when she imagined I was miserable, or sick, or broken... because she was always miserable. I actually caught myself feigning misery on occasion, and then I knew that I had a problem.

 

Yeah it's pretty sick actually, and even more worrisome when you call these "friends" on their negative outlooks and they're not aware of their actions...I do believe it can be hereditary(growing up with parents who are extremely negative) or even learned..but in any event, it's best to keep these ppl at arm's length once you've caught wind to their mindset.

[Fox1198]

How about friends that judge others when they don't even have all the facts? My friend is exactly like this. I was dating my ex, and he would say she's too old, hence she is dating me. I'm her second choice, etc etc.

 

What do you guys do? Tell them off, or just stop talking to them about your personal lives?

[just M.E.]

Or those whose lives are so out of control (drug / alcohol addiction) that they are compelled to try control other's lives?

 

I've seen plenty of them and the havoc they have wrecked on their friends lives. You really can't lay the blame on them, each person needs to have their own spine, but I often wonder how things would have turned out for those they meddled with if they had been left alone.

 

"What do you guys do? Tell them off, or just stop talking to them about your personal lives?"

 

The second option first if that doesn't work, the first option. I owe them nothing when they invade my life and happiness.