confused_guy84 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Ok, I've been with this girl for about 3 months now. She's awesome in so many ways but our senses of humor are totally different. She's much more reserved and it shows in her sense of humor. I on the other hand have no problem joking about all kinds borderline offensive topics. Race, abortion, aids.. I don't care, it's all funny to me. A lot of the time I have to tone myself down so I don't offend her. And she almost never makes me laugh. I mean, we joke around, but its never that doubled over gasping for breath type of laugh. But there is so much else about her that I really like. What do you think? Can a relationship like this work? Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I think it's important that people click and it seems like you guys have some potential to do so but it hasn't been very long yet. After people have been going out a while longer they get used to what each other is like and whether they can accept the person how they are. Could you accept being with a reserved girl? Do you think she is warming to your sense of humour? It's important to be with someone you feel comfortable around (eventually), and not have to tone yourself down. In general, is the relationship good? I did go out with a guy once for 6 months who had a different sense of humour to me, but I think he was just immature more than anything. It was difficult being with someone who had the mental age of a young teenager. I began to be embarrassed to be around him, but we didn't click in a number of areas. Link to comment
confused_guy84 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Yeah, everything else is really good right now. She's an incredibly sweet girl, I'm just having a hard time being myself around her. My friends have noticed that I act "different" around her. Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 How does she react to your sense of humour? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 is part of what attracts you to your sense that she is conservative and perhaps "classy?" Link to comment
confused_guy84 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 How does she react to your sense of humour? Sometimes she laughs hysterically, sometimes all I get is an "oh my god" and a roll of the eyes, sometimes she doesn't get it at all or is offended. is part of what attracts you to your sense that she is conservative and perhaps "classy?" I don't think that's what attracts me to her. We met online initially, and so everything about her looks good on paper . Then we had a few dates and she turned out to be very nice. A little insecure/clingy but I try not to hold that against her because I have my moments as well. She treats me really well, she's intelligent, a bit of a nerd like myself. I just find a lot of things about her very endearing. And she's really cute! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 OK. I am not a fan of people changing for other people but it wouldn't hurt to evaluate whether your sense of humor - the off color stuff - ends up offending more people than is worth it to you. Maybe you might decide to tone it down some? I can see where she might be concerned that if she introduces you to friends or family you might offend someone if you tell a racist joke or an off color joke about abortion. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I wouldn't say the relationship is "doomed" at all because of something like this. I dated someone from Britain (I'm Canadian) & boy were our senses of humor different! He'd be laughing to tears literally at something & I couldn't for the life of me, see one iota of humor in it lol... And, what!!?? - he didn't find Seinfeld or the Simpsons funny at all! At first it made for awkward feeling because we didn't know one another that well but when we got to know each other a lot better, a lot of the humor in it all was our differences in humor! Ironically, there are actually a lot of mutual funny things that can come out of that difference... Has she actually said/shown you've offended her or are you aren't really sure if you would & just kind of scared that you might, so you tone it down? If you aren't sure, ask her if some of what you say as your way of being humorous ever offends her... If she indeed actually is/was offended by some of the more “borderline” (your description) comments then you can always express that side of you in a "heavier" way around your friends & keep to the lighter stuff around her... Would that be a biggie thing for you? I think things just need a bit more time - it's only been 3 months... The more you get to know one another you will probably create more "middle ground" humor that you both find funny... Your own personal life situations - both living & sharing on them together will be a good source. I'm just having a hard time being myself around her. My friends have noticed that I act "different" around her. It still can feel difficult to "be ourselves" in general around someone during "early days"... Very common feelings... Three months is generally where people start becoming more authentic but there can be fear associated with doing so for sure.... Link to comment
Darkness_Falls Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 It sounds like you guys have a lot going for you at the moment, just see if you guys can kind of fit into each other's senses of humour. I'm sure you guys can do a bit of give and take both ways. You could tone it down a little, and she can try to accept you the way you are. Link to comment
confused_guy84 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 OK. I am not a fan of people changing for other people but it wouldn't hurt to evaluate whether your sense of humor - the off color stuff - ends up offending more people than is worth it to you. Maybe you might decide to tone it down some? I can see where she might be concerned that if she introduces you to friends or family you might offend someone if you tell a racist joke or an off color joke about abortion. Well, ya, in public I'm careful about what I say and around who i say it. I would definitely not try joking about abortion around her parents lol. But around my friends and family, it's always been anything goes. For a good example of my sense of humor, just watch any episode of southpark or family guy. I can definitely say some "off-color" things from time to time, but I don't think I'm crude. Link to comment
xika5 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I think the answer to your question only you will know. Only you know if you can live with it. It looks like everything else is fine so why worry about that? Obviously it's not something that's really bothering you or like some huge problem in your relationship. As long as she HAS a sense of humour, you say she will laugh hysterically sometimes, at least she's not dead quiet everytime you make a joke because she doesn't get it. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Another question - is this the first time you have had this issue in a relationship? Link to comment
confused_guy84 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Has she actually said/shown you've offended her or are you aren't really sure if you would & just kind of scared that you might, so you tone it down? She has never outright said that I've offended her. But there are plenty of times when I say something and am met with a blank stare lol I think you might be right though. It's still pretty soon. This is my first relationship after a pretty rough breakup about 6 mos ago. Maybe I'm just expecting too much too soon. Link to comment
confused_guy84 Posted February 25, 2008 Author Share Posted February 25, 2008 Another question - is this the first time you have had this issue in a relationship? Yes (it says my message is too short so I'll add some more words now...) Link to comment
anggrace Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 I couldn't do it. Thats not to say that she can't though. It's just very important to me to be able to laugh and that's something Id want to share with my s.o. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 Also, if you focus on those off color topics you run the risk that, for example, she or someone she is close to has had an abortion, has aids, is involved in an interracial relationship etc. Not saying that precludes all jokes but it's risky to joke about sensitive topics if you don't know your audience. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 25, 2008 Share Posted February 25, 2008 sounds like she doesn't understand your humor or your jokes. i find this hard to have a relationship like this. Link to comment
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