Feeling Rejected

[Marclover]

My Boyfriend and I have been living together for about 6 months now and Im really starting to feel rejected. It seems like he has no sex drive and I keep thinking it is because of me. He always says its not me its him and when I do consistenly pursue making love its almost like he does it just out of obligation. Both of us are married and separated, he's been separated for 5 years and me for 2. I feel like my self esteem is always wondering if he isn't as attractted to me as he was his wife. I don't usually bring these types of things up, but I have heard about how pretty she was even though I've never even seen a picture of her. I always feel like he's not aroused to make passionate love to me or just rip my clothes off once in a while. I feel like he is in a comfort zone and shouldn't have to spice things up once in a while. We hardly ever argue so I can't see it being cause of stress I jsut see it as feeling rejected. What should I do????

[Ash]

I think at this point in your relationship, you should feel free to discuss this type of thing with him. Communication is very important. He may not be aware of your wants and needs, and may himself be unaware of the fact this is causing an issue for you. You should also know what it is he is looking for in your relationship.

 

I'm not sure of your ages, but it is possible he has a relatively low sex drive. This can happen with men as they age. Hopefully though, you can rekindle some passion within him, but you'll have to learn from him how to do that.

 

Something to try, even though you live together, is a date. Do something special like you would have before you moved in together. Be romantic, and see if he responds well to that. We men can get a bit complacent at times, and sometimes need a bit of a change in routine to wake us up again.

 

Good luck.

[Marclover]

Thank You very much for your input it is much appreciated. I just want to say in response that I have talked to him about it and what he usually says is that he is sorry its not me its him and he'll try harder and week or 2 will pass and we will fall back into the same issues which seem to only be issues to me. I will try the romatic move with him but honestly it is hard to pursue romance if it is not pursued to me. Anyways thanks again it is nice to hear a mans perspective.

[The Morrigan]

Is he stressed or depressed about anything else? Sex drive can be strongly related to mood - a lot of stress, even on something totally unrelated to your relationship, or being depressed about something, can really affect your sex life. Is there anything else in his behavior that's changed, or his attitude towards you? If he's still loving in other ways, I'd take his word it's not you, and see if there's something else bothering him, at work, with family, or with friends, that could be affecting him.