Called the ex, now I feel pathetic

[cobro]

I made the stupid mistake of calling my ex yesterday, just to say hello and see how she is doing. I had been about a week since we last talked, when she called me to get back some of her stuff. We had a good conversation, of course it wasn't the same like when we were together. That's the worst feeling, isn't it? She acted like she didn't mind talking to me, but I got the feeling she really didn't care about me. Then towards the end of the conversation she asked me something that planted all kinds of questions in my head. It had something to do with me knowing a friend of her ex, and if I am still friends with him. She said she asked for no reason, yeah right. So we got off the phone on good terms, she said she'd talk to me soon. Now is the hard part, the whole reason why I shouldn't have called her, the ANALYZING. I'm left wondering if this conversation will be the last. I'm wondering if she's back with her ex and if she is afraid I might find out through his friend, hence her question. Nobody will tell me right now if she is back with him, its killing me for some reason, I know I shouldn't care. I feel pathetic and like I have no dignity. After everything she put me through, dating me for 2 years, dumping me for her ex, then getting back with me using me as rebound relationship, lying to me, then dumping me again, why did I call her? I feel really, really stupid. I am NOT going to call her again, I see no point, it's hard but I can't feel like this. Now I'm faced with the delimma if she calls me, I am going to want to answer. I feel like if she waits a long time, like 2 or 3 months, I might be able to handle talking to her. Deep down, I know I should cut her off completely, any advice on how to? I have the support of my friends (and her friends) and my family, how do I go about redeeming myself back to a confident person, not some lonely pathetic ex who calls every week? Help!

[phil1981UK]

Only one way buddy, thats to get out there and start dating, hell get a new girlfriend, she'll take your mind of your ex in no time, if you dont do this all you have to think about is your ex, thats no life!

 

It'll be hard and you may find you dont especially fancy any of the girls you go out with, but it dont matter, its the act that matters, it gives you summit else to think about.

 

Move on with your own life, your ex has gone and you need to think about yourself now, get spruced, hit the bars and check out all the beautiful single women who are out there waiting for ya!

 

Good luck.

[cobro]

Oh yeah, thats what I did after I called her. Went out to a restaurant with a friend and met a couple of girls, one of them I really hit it off with, but she has a boyfriend. He lives in another city. She seemed really into me. I know I'll see her again. It made me feel a bit better knowing that there might actually be life after the ex.

[caliboy]

not just dating another girl, but sleeping with her. after you've slept with someone else and have feelings for her, your ex becomes more of your past. i'm not saying go out and sleep with some random girl, but meet someone who you get along with, have those 4 hour conversations until 4am, etc. but make sure you're dependant on nobody but yourself before you do this. you don't want to be a monkey like some girls are out there who won't let go of one branch until they grab another. another thing i've done is stepped back and looked at the things my ex has done to me. in your case, she's left you to go back to her ex, what twice now? that's ridiculous. YOU DONT WANT A GIRL LIKE THAT. you shouldn't be all into her, cause she's dragging you through all this bs. and of course, you need a lot of time of no contact with your ex. or else you'll be analyzing things after everytime you talk to her, right? so then don't talk to her.

[vfunkera]

i partially have to agree with caliboy there. go out with girls and all, but u must understand that u shudn't drag girls with you if ur just using them as a 'filler'. make sure they know its not that serious and what uv just been thru. make sure they know this before u have sex, because the feelings from there will grow, and if they aren't aware of ur intentions then they will get hurt as badly as u have, and u will definetly end up in one big mess trust me! in fact i think ur feelings will also stay because once u probably break up, then u will continue to feel bad about ur ex because those feelings havent really been let out yet, so they will continue to stay with u where ever u go. until u really feel those feelings and let them out, then u will always be in heartache.

 

i havent seriously dated for 5 months since me and my ex have broken up. i just simply havent really kept in touch, stayed busy, and have been trying to forget about her, and im doing fine now and i think im ready for a new relationship should the right one come along.

 

good luck whatever u do

[cobro]

i havent seriously dated for 5 months since me and my ex have broken up. i just simply havent really kept in touch, stayed busy, and have been trying to forget about her, and im doing fine now and i think im ready for a new relationship should the right one come along.

 

Where you are at is where I want to be. In fact I can see myself there one day soon. I guess its just that fear of letting go of her. I am starting to convince myself it would cause me more pain to keep contact, even minimal contact, with her. What good does she do for me? Nothing. One last thing is that she started a new job right near my home, and I pass by it almost everyday and see her car. It just brings pain and heartache. On top of that, shes thinking of moving near me, like almost walking distance, to the point where I would have to pass by her house everyday. I can't imagine how I'd deal with that, especially if I see other cars in the driveway (her ex's?). I mean how can you move so close to me yet be so far away, you know what I mean. Its not like we are going to be great friends if she moves nearby. I guess I'll just have to deal with it, but its not supposed to happen this way, I wish she would not leave me with all those reminders.

[justagirl]

Going out and having sex with someone won't make your problems go away.

 

Like Vfunkera said, the girl will get attached and get hurt and you'll be stuck dealing with your emotions about your past and the emotions that you have just put this girl through.

 

Don't worry about your ex.

 

Don't contact her at all. If she wants to know how you're doing and if she cares she'll contact you. Otherwise, get on with your life. Don't worry about dating or sleeping with anyone or whatnot...worry about figuring out your life, and you. Focus completely on yourself, she'll slip out of your mind eventually. Don't analyze the call you just had, it will bring you down.

 

Just keep smiling and know that you'll get through this. Doing it on your own is the only way you'll be totally over her and ready for a great new relationship.

 

Wish you the best

Justagirl

 

 

 

p.s: Remember sleeping with someone for the wrong reasons brings you a lifetime of memories: ...STD's...pregnancy...fatal attractions...low self esteem...overlooking the potential life long mate because you are too busy gettin' sum with the wrong person for the wrong reasons!

 

Revenge sex is SO not the answer

 

Oh and guys remember don't take your anger out on the people you are speaking to now and the ones you'll meet in the future, it should be channeled to the source of the anger/frustration, etc.

 

Don't be mean to the people who have nothing to do with it.