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Fear of committment...how can you change?

Delusional Kisses

By Delusional Kisses
in Relationship Advice

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blender Mentor

blender

Posted
Posted

Do whatever is best for your own heart, and try not to choose to give her so much power, she's just a girl who was lucky enough to have dated YOU, and now you are moving on and YOU have all the options to be free, to experience wonderful things and new friendships in life and in love... the best is ahead for you, believe it, or act as if you believe it and the healing will follow and amazing things will be attracted into your life.. again, do not CHOOSE to give her so much of your personal power.. it's YOURS.. you're going to do amazingly well...

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lonely83 Apprentice

lonely83

Posted
Posted

Hey,

 

I know I did the right think not contacting her in any way yesterday - but it's hard convincing the heart of what the mind thinks is right.

 

I completely agree that she has to much power over me and that needs to stop/change but right now I just don't feel it's possible to go on with out her in my life in some form.

 

I know it was her that was lucky to have dated me etc but having been dumper by her it kinda makes me feel like I was the one fortunate to have met and dated her for so long - especially when I'd consider her to be way out of my league normally - I just fear I'll never attract anyone half as amazing as her yet she constantly gets loads of attention from guys far hotter than me.

 

lonely83

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lonely83 Apprentice

lonely83

Posted
Posted

It's kinda hard not to go places she might be - we don't live in a very big city, we both go to the same school of the same university etc.

 

I ended up going out on the monday, (my mates forced me), I saw her once but she didn't see me and that was it. Well besides he sending me that blank text message by 'accident' I refer to in my diary entry.

 

lonely83

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Gratsy Community Regular

Gratsy

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Posted

I think that sometimes when we actually have interest in someone else...it does loads for helping us get over someone. But only under certain conditions. Dno't go for someone you don't really like that much and don't hurt anyone. Don't compare to the other girl either. Let her stand on her own.

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lonely83 Apprentice

lonely83

Posted
Posted

Cheers for the advice Gratsy, it's so hard no to compare other girls to my ex, in my eyes she was perfect she was the ideal girl for me had everything I looked for and now it just feels like I'll never meet anyone like her again.

 

I've still not heard from her, I just wish I could some how know if she ever thought about me anymore. I think in all honesty I know she doesn't she's out having to much fun getting drunk with her other friends and dating this other guy still I assume, if she ever thought about me, missed me or regretted things surely she'd have tried to contact me by now - it's been a month? This NC sucks, I don't feel like it's ever going to help make her realise what she's given up. I just need more closure than the way things ended as well I think.

 

lonely83

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lonely83 Apprentice

lonely83

Posted
Posted

Cheers Gratsy - what do you make of this?

 

Ok so there I was sitting there in the uni canteen minding my own business reading the paper eating my lunch and who sits down opposite me... my ex.

 

Obviously I'm civil, we talked for about 30mins about what we'd been up to, how uni was going and she was asking me about my plans for when I graduate etc. She mentioned about the guy she was dating and how things weren't going that well about how he was to serious and she didn't want a relationship and how she thought that today would be the last time she saw him, (she said they were going for lunch). She said I wasn't really the person to be talking about it with given our history, I said I understood but if she wanted to I was comfortable listening.

 

She was saying how she'd been to a few places recently that reminded her of me, places we'd been together etc and how she'd wanted to ring me etc but didn't. She was also asking if I'd been out much and saying how she hadn't seen me out recently and couldn't remember that last time we actually saw each other.

 

She was telling me about her diet, something I've always been concerned about and how she still worried about it and how she was worried about finding a year placement for uni. And she was saying how she didn't want to burden it on me or anything.

 

While we were chatting a friend of ours ended up joining us which made things a little bit more awkward so me and her couldn't really chat anymore which was upsetting as it felt like we were starting to connect etc again.

 

Right now I can't decide how I feel, am I happy I've seen her and spoken to her? yes. Do I feel up set about the whole situation? I'm not sure.

 

lonely83

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Gratsy Community Regular

Gratsy

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Posted

Hmmm...proceed with caution. She knows that you want her back, if she wanted you, she'd say something. I think some part of her wants you because of the past you have however she isn't acting as though she loves you anymore. Classic case after a break up. Do you think she might still have feelings? Exes LOVE to show up right as you're almost coming close to getting over them. They don't like to think that they'll lose you forever-but its usually a pride thing.

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lonely83 Apprentice

lonely83

Posted
Posted

Gratsy,

 

Hey, don't worry I understand that just because we talked today doesn't mean we are going to get back together or anything. Out of interest what makes you so sure that she knows I want her back? I mean when we were chatting I was very careful not to let slip that I wanted her back etc and I very clearly stated that I was going out alot clubbing/partying etc with my mates - as if to show I'd moved on and was enjoying my life without her etc.

 

I've honestly no idea if she still has feelings for me anymore or not. I mean I'd like to think she does and part of me thinks its unrealistic for her not to. But then again at the same time I think part of me truly believes I don't mean anything to her anymore. Understand? Unless I asked her outright if she had feelings for me still there's no way I'd ever know, I can't imagine she'd ever tell her friends if she did and even if I asked her I don't think she'd be honest with herself if she did.

 

lonely83

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Gratsy Community Regular

Gratsy

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Because if you're this intense to me- trust me, she knows. I've been through it before. They know. People as intense as you are find it impossible to be discreet in the way hopeful,fearful and earnest people imagine themselves to be.

 

Your only hope is in letting her go. And if you let her go, she must be gone...don't rely on that hope because the chances of it coming out that she starts to miss you and love you again are low. Im really sorry, I know its tough. Thats all I can say: there isn't a way to make this easy or kind unless you grasp your mind around the plenty of fish in the sea concept.

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lonely83 Apprentice

lonely83

Posted
Posted

Gratsy,

 

Cheers I appreciate your insight. Trust me I try to be completely different intensity wise around people know etc to how I am on ENA. I view ENA as a place where I can let my real feelings expressions etc be aired while in regular day to day life I keep much of what I'm thinking/feeling hidden away inside - or at least I try to.

 

I know the chances of her changing her mind, realising she misses me and falling back in love with me are slim at best but remember it was her that came and spoke to me - she could have very easily ignored me as I hadn't seen her until she appeared by at my table.

 

lonely83

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