still friends? what about love? please help me

[tenacious_buc]

here's the story:

this girl and i were best friends for about a year. then we started going out. today we broke up. there were many reasons for it to end: her sister hates me for a stupid joke i made on the phone. it was something stupid, but she made a big deal out of it. i tried to apology but she wouldn't hear me. my ex told me that her family is the most important thing in the world for her. she also said that we were too different in some things and that it made her feel uncomfortable at times. i also thought that breaking up was the answer mostly because i didn't want her telling me how to act. in addition, i loved her madly (still do), but i never got the feeling she fully loved me in return. she repeated several times that she loved me, but not madly.

after we broke up she said that she would like us to be friends again. i told her that it would not be possible for the simple reason that i still love her. i said that we should only try to be comfortable with each other in the same room (we have some mutual aquintances).

i don't know what to do. if she loved me, she wouldn't want us to be friends now. i think i couldn't handle it, but i feel like crap for having said that to her. any feedback, opinion or solution would be greatly appreciated.

 

thanks

[Chesnick]

You broke up with her? But then you told her that you can't be friends because you still love her? Doesn't that leave very little options for the two of you? I can't imagine how confused she must be...

 

But okay, okay. So you're pretty sure she doesn't love you, which is primarily why you broke up (aside from the sister thing, which just sounds kind of stupid). Well then I'm afraid you're going to have to move on. As long as you tell yourself that you cannot be her friend because you love her, you will believe it. And that makes things difficult and uncomfortable for both of you, which isn't what you want, now is it? What you have to do is look at things realistically; you decided that breaking up was a good idea because it just wouldn't work out as long as she doesn't love you. So the fact is that you have to move on. Even if you think you still love her, that will subside if you really try to deal with this and move on with your romantic life. Try to find someone else; it never fails.

 

Telling her that you can't be friends because you love her makes her feel very uncomfortable. Tell her that you are trying to move on, and that soon you can probably start hanging out again. That way she doesn't feel as bad, and you can start sorting things out in yourself for the benefit of your friendship. All you need is time, dude. Don't let your emotions take control; take control of your emotions! (and now I sound like a self-help guru.)

[tenacious_buc]

thanks for the advice, but just let me clear something out. i was thinking of breaking up with her, but in fact, she broke up with me.

thanks again