Clementine orange Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 She's hot and cold. When she's cold does that mean I should try harder (like she is asking for attention) or does that mean "back off a bit". I'm trying not to screw this up. The last time she was cold, I didn't do anything and just kind of retreated - thinking the whole things was over. Lo and behold, after a week or so of me doing nothing, she chased me, hot for a couple weeks, Now she's cold again. I don't know.... She seems to have communication issues too. Very frustrating. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 been there, done that. think we call that a "push/pull' relationship. she has you when she wants you Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 been there, done that. think we call that a "push/pull' relationship. she has you when she wants you You may be right. I'm not sure I'm OK with that. I want to be in the driver's seat here. I got no "hand" - most uncomfortable. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 You may be right. I'm not sure I'm OK with that. I want to be in the driver's seat here. I got no "hand" - most uncomfortable. "hand" is what she may leave you with Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted January 18, 2008 Author Share Posted January 18, 2008 "hand" is what she may leave you with Haha...except Argh.... Link to comment
Entropy Smith Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 been there, done that. think we call that a "push/pull' relationship. she has you when she wants you Right. The idea here is for you to be the same demeanor at all times...relaxed, alittle detached, and amused by her behavior. When she pushes you should retreat alittle, when she pulls away maybe iniate contact...alot of times this is necessary to keep the attraction going until some trust can be established...however if she does this as part of her persona, she might make for a good short term fling, but she'll be exhausting as a gf/potential gf so get rid of her. Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Its hard to say...its different for each woman. Push and pulls are as infuriating as they are fun. Link to comment
midnightrambler Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Its hard to say...its different for each woman. Push and pulls are as infuriating as they are fun. the pulling is better Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 Right. The idea here is for you to be the same demeanor at all times...relaxed, alittle detached, and amused by her behavior. When she pushes you should retreat alittle, when she pulls away maybe iniate contact...alot of times this is necessary to keep the attraction going until some trust can be established...however if she does this as part of her persona, she might make for a good short term fling, but she'll be exhausting as a gf/potential gf so get rid of her. And by doing so you set the tone of the future of the relationship. I understand teh whole concept of taking a step back when the woman backs off. Not a bad idea but rewarding someone continually for this type of behaviour will only get you....... well what you got already. OP do you really want to be with someone who runs hot and cold for the rest of you life? Assume she wont change. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 next time she is cold for a couple of weeks or whatever then comes running back all hot be like 'what are you doing?' she says 'what do you mean?' be like 'i thought we were through.' she will be puzzled and it will set in her mind she needs to step up her attitude towards you. explain to her this behavior isn't working out for you. i don't play these push pull games. you are either into it or you aren't. those of you that condone it, good luck. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 next time she is cold for a couple of weeks or whatever then comes running back all hot be like 'what are you doing?' she says 'what do you mean?' be like 'i thought we were through.' she will be puzzled and it will set in her mind she needs to step up her attitude towards you. explain to her this behavior isn't working out for you. i don't play these push pull games. you are either into it or you aren't. those of you that condone it, good luck. How does taking someone back when you thought it was over ensure they step up their game in the long term. I only see this strategy as paying off temproarily. If anything it reenforces that when its over in your mind its not really over. I dont see that as healthy for the long term. Considering how many wonderful women are out there is it worth spending your time "fixing" this girl? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 How does taking someone back when you thought it was over ensure they step up their game in the long term. I only see this strategy as paying off temproarily. If anything it reenforces that when its over in your mind its not really over. I dont see that as healthy for the long term. Considering how many wonderful women are out there is it worth spending your time "fixing" this girl? it's not a fix. it's something to try. if the pattern comes back, bag n tag. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 it's not a fix. it's something to try. if the pattern comes back, bag n tag. A couple of weeks is bag and tag for me. Again I dont see telling a woman I thought it was over and taking her back after a couple of weeks as being healthy for the long term. If she is just a shag to me then maybe. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted January 18, 2008 Share Posted January 18, 2008 A couple of weeks is bag and tag for me. Again I dont see telling a woman I thought it was over and taking her back after a couple of weeks as being healthy for the long term. If she is just a shag to me then maybe. i understand tyler. i would never go through with this. but this is different as this behavior is being tolerated as okay. so this suggestion would be best. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I agree with Ellie's thoughts and advice. Maybe she's got some personal stuff going on; maybe she's not sure you're interested.... hmmm...interesting. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 I agree with Ellie's thoughts and advice. Maybe she's got some personal stuff going on; maybe she's not sure you're interested.... hmmm...interesting. I pretty much decided to take Ellie's thoughts and advice. I don't really like game playing much and don't have time for it. I'm washing my hands and walking away. And you may be right hoss, I'm not really sure I am that interested... Link to comment
Gratsy Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 I pretty much decided to take Ellie's thoughts and advice. I don't really like game playing much and don't have time for it. I'm washing my hands and walking away. And you may be right hoss, I'm not really sure I am that interested... Probably why she was doing it. If I'm interested in a guy and I know he's not sure...I'll back off. Sometimes it will pique his interest and he'll become more interested b/c I'm being "mysterious" or whatever. If not, then I assume he wasn't really all that interested in the first place and it saves me from a more difficult way of figuring it out since I essentially was the one who backed off in the first place and was still in some control. Link to comment
JimmerJammer Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 Hey Clementine Orange, I know what you mean. Just recently my gf has been going through something and doesn't know what it is. I mean I've asked her and she just seems to be very upset/mad/angry towards me and I don't know what I've done. This happens periodically where she seems to be fine, all loving and attentive, but then the next just plain doesn't wanna see me or have me around, but says she does. It's not that I don't doubt this, but for me it aggravates me and leaves me wondering what's going on with her and whether or not I have anything to worry about. So because of this I've just been backing off and giving her space. I love her a lot and don't know what to do really, but I'm just happy right now focusing on my life than dealing with this. I just get the suspicion that something is up that she isn't telling me and I have to sit here wondering what to do, so heck if I know where her thoughts and intentions lie. As I have one part of me that says she's very much in love with me but is just going through something and I have another part of me that thinks this is her way of giving me a hint of the inevitable. This hot and cold thing has really tried my patience and I have found myself just blowing up and leaving because I can't take it. So really I don't know what to tell you other than you're not the only one! Link to comment
Teepee Posted March 24, 2008 Share Posted March 24, 2008 'The idea here is for you to be the same demeanor at all times...' I think that's a sign of mature personality- being the same yourself however others behave! There's a good book 'Games People Play' by psychologist Eric Berne based on his transactional analysis theories which describes relationship 'dances'; he says games are a way to keep people hooked into relationships whilst avoiding intimacy. Sometimes it can be fun and excitement but it doesn't sound like much of a relationship long-term to me! Link to comment
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