Is this infidelity, if not what is it?

[kandlar]

Okay, here's my dilemma.. I was in a 9 year relationship with this guy who cheated on me for a year, in which I finally broke off the relationship 3 months after I found out. I couldn't take it, it just disturbed me too much thinking about what he did. Well a few months passed and now I have a new boyfriend, in which I've been with for 8 months. Just like me, he was also in a long term relationship. ( We both lived with our ex's). He treats me good...makes me feel beautiful even on my bad days, very attentive and spends time with me every day that we've been together. Not to mention our family's are close. Although everything is going perfect...I still have insecurities about what happened with my ex boyfriend. Well 4 days ago...I accidently tapped into his voicemail on his cellphone, and there was a message there from his ex- girlfriend. When I confronted him and asked if he talked to his ex....he swore up and down that he didn't.....I revealed the phone number that was left and that instance he said...he did call her to get his furniture back from when they lived together. Okay, my problem is he lied to me about talking to his ex and it trully hurts me.. I don't know how I can forgive him. He's made every effort to reassure me that nothing is going on between them or that he doesn't have any feelings for her by having his mom call me and even HIS EX GIRLFRIEND. She left a message explaining the whole ordeal but what gets me is that she said when he called her it was 2:00 a.m and he was drunk........okay, am I going crazy or what. He says he can't imagine himself with anyone else but me and he is in love with me. What do I do? I can't erase the image out of my head of him calling her drunk ( probably emotional) in the middle of the night. WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE WAS SAID.....Ugh!!! HELP!!!

[avman]

Is this infidelity? Well no, I don't think so. But its certainly lying which is a bad sign.

 

I don't know why he would lie to you if the conversation was as innocent as he claimed. Maybe he just didn't want to upset you. But I think it seems pretty suspicious.

 

I think its fair for you to give him the "if you ever do this again" speech. Tell him how critical honesty is to you given your previous relationship. Hopefully he'll shape up.

[idunno]

your problem cant be that he talked to her. i can see how you wouldnt like it, it looks dangerous, but it could have been worse. the problem is that he lied to you. it is possible that he only lied to spare your feelings as there is really nothing to worry about so why bother you. but 2:00, nah, you should worry. If you are not seriously jaded in life and still trust people, then trust him, if you want to avoid becoming seriously jaded then get out.

[sisterlynch]

We all should be able to handle one problem, one mistake, right? When you go up to bat you get 3 mistakes and then you are out. Well life is like that too, a little.

 

Maybe he had called under the circumstances mentioned and it really did mean nothing to either of them. That is possible isn't it? We all have men and women that we see all the time and under some circumstances you might call them. At 2 am and drunk, to me that just says that he had something that he was embarrassed to say or needed to get off his chest so it wouldn't bug him anymore. So I would let this one go and say that you for give, but don't forget. Know that she and anyother woman is out there willing and ready to talk to him at anytime!! What is his number?? Just kidding!!

[mahlina]

I don't know...Maybe there isn't anything going on, but just be careful.

 

My ex consistantly calls me. He started dated a girl exclusively, when we broke up. However, since we broke up, he has not stopped calling, has not stopped trying to hang out with me. I've repeatedly ignored him, yet he still insists. Meanwhile, what do you think that he's telling his current girlfriend?

 

Plus, he said some nasty ish about her...

 

Anyway, if you're families are pretty close, then I would say that you are pretty safe..

 

I agree with sisterlynch. Forgive, but don't forget.

[kandlar]

I still can't stop thinking about it, and it's already causing problems in my relationship. I want to be myself and don't have an urge to talk to him ( we usually talk about 10 times a day) I can feel things changing already on my part. It's strange but I don't look at him as the sincere, loving type anymore like I did just a few days ago. To be honest with you I can't even look at him anymore. Am I over-reacting. and if so.....how do I be able to start trusting him again and continue this loving and happy relationship that we had. I know it has alot to do with my insecurities....but how do I get past that ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach?

[avman]

I think you should confront him with your feelings. If you don't talk this out you probably will just break up. You'll have no reason to trust him since you've already made up your mind he is untrustworthy.

 

Keep in mind you don't have proof that he has been unfaithful. Only that he has lied about contacting his ex. Now thats bad, but not the end of the world. Perhaps he really did want to spare your feelings - and just went about things the wrong way to try and do that.

 

The only way to get rid of that feeling in your stomach is to confront it. Ignoring will not make it go away. In fact, it will make it much worse.