any advie please!!!!!

[bdwloco]

Well, it's been a month or so since my girlfriend broke up with me. It wasn't say a BAD breakup. No cheasting or lying. It was over her "personal" stress with past, work etc. I've talked to her a few times, but not alot at all. Now she's calling me saying she's worried sick anout me, and "why don't you call me anymore?". I fell in absolute love with this girl, and I imagined us being together for a long time. I tried to explain to her that although I still want to be her friend, it's hard and akward for me to be calling her and wanting to hang out. She say's she does not understand why. I told her that I can't go from being your boyfriend to just a friend overnight. She also gets mad when I tell her that I still care for her. I don't want to lose her, i still have the hopes of getting back together with her. I'm looking at it like if it's meant to happen,it will. Has anyone delt with this before? I don't want to ruin anything, I just need some time to get used to it I guess. am i wrong?

[buffalosoldier]

Hello.

 

I must say,i think its a bit wrong of your ex to expect you to want to be friends so soon after your breakup.Id even go so far as to say thats shes being a little selfish.

 

I would tell her that although you might well value her friendship one day,that you would prefer a little less of the contact.-If she is willing to be your friend so soon and is still wanting to see you then i think shes trying to have a little bit too much of everything here.

 

You call the shots now,this is affecting you so its time to let her know.if she really cares for you then she will give you the space to at least heal from this,otherwise she is doing nothing more than stringing you along to boost her own ego.

 

Hope i helped,sorry if it sounded harsh.Take care!!

[Imagine]

If she wants to spend time with you now, what exactly was she trying to eliminate from her life by "breaking up with" you? Did she not want the commitment? Did she want to spend less time with you, but not zero time with you? Did she feel she was unable to be a good girlfriend because of work or whatever, but she feels she could be an adequate friend?

 

It seems that she still wants you in her life, but there's something else she wants that she doesn't think she can have as long as she has the "girlfriend" label. Some people tend to say and do whatever they have to do to arrange the exact scanario they want, and they get upset with anyone who messes up their plan.

 

The advice is simple and it's the same for pretty-much any problem: just be 100% honest and complete with your feelings/thoughts. Once you've explained your stance, the ball's in her court; back off until she can figure out how to form a relationship with you without the pain.

 

Imagine

[Gilgamesh]

I agree with the past two posts 100%.

 

give her, her space.

 

you still love her, everytime you remind her of this, she feels guilty about it, so she gets upset. to avoid pushing her away, dont bring up anything relationship wise, and dont show your hurt.

 

On the other hand, keep doing what your doing, distance yourself, let her make the phone calls, hopefully she will understand your a package deal.

 

What she is doing is like a female version of "sex with benefits" that guys try to pull on women.

 

in that scenario, the guy breaksup with a gal, that still loves him and is commitment minded, but all he wants is sex and someone to hang out with once in a while, without commitment, of course these poor women fall for this, because they think that if they give the guy what he wants , they will fall back in love (which they never were).

 

In your case, its not about sex, she wants the companionship, and someone to hang with, but no commitment, you try and give her what she wants, hoping she will fall back in love with you.

 

see the simularities here? its all one way, someone always gets hurt. giving her what she wants will only send the signal that you think whats happeneing is right and ok with you.

 

so dont go along with it. I mean admit it, the reason you wanna remain friends is because you dont want to lose contact with her, in hopes things will be as they were. but the best way for that to happen is to not fill in what she is missing in her life without commitment. your a package deal.

 

Dont be cruel or look obvious, but just dont call her up, if she calls fine, but stay cool. hopefully she will want it the way it was also, and think about how it was before.

 

Nothing is for sure, and well, it could be that she may never want you back the same way, that is something you will need to take into consideration.

 

Good luck