Ex is trying or not?

[Bamabelle]

This is an update to my previous email. My ex guy started calling me and asking me to do things with him, dinner, hang out...etc..but it usually spur of the moment. A few months ago I would have dropped everything to hang out, but now that I have made it over the hump I am more reserved. He has asked me to dinner twice, I was either tired or not hungry so I declined. Before I would have suffered and met him. He plays soccer and I have always wanted to go see him play but it never worked out. Last Sunday he called me 10 minutes prior to his practice and asked if I wanted to meet him 15 miles away to see the game. I was asleep and I jumped out of bed excited and ready to go. I then realized how far it was and that it was rediculous to stress myself to get there in time. I opted not to go, now he seems angry because he says that everytime he trys to do something with me that I turn him down and that he will not ask anymore. I think it is unfair, why can't he ask ahead of time?? I told him this and he said that I was being to difficult and to forget he started calling and I was too much work...I am confused...does he really want to be with me, has he realized he was wrong or is he trying to trap me back into his web. I don't understand why he cannot make plans ahead of time, if he really wanted to he would...he is being lazy and I don't know whether to give it another try or run like hell. He seems to make me feel guilty no matter what...I am still confused help

[The Morrigan]

You're right - he can take the time to make you more than a last minute impulse.

 

You shouldn't need to drop what you're doing to run off because he *gasp* had the grace to do something with him and bask in his presense! (Sorry for the sarcasm, but I swear, this gets me every time...) He CAN consider things at least a few days, at least a few HOURS or a day, ahead of time, and let you make your plans around it, instead of having to jump at his whim.

 

I doubt his practice was scheduled that day - he impulsively asked you, and shouldn't have been offended when you were still asleep and didn't want to jump right out of bed to watch.

 

To his mind he thinks he's trying because he's asking - but really, he's only acting on last minute impulses, and not taking you into consideration ahead of time when it really matters, or he'd call ahead "Hey, you got plans for Thursday evening? Good - don't make any, I found a nice place that has good (food item), you up for it?" That doesn't take much effort now, just a little forethought, and a little consideration that there's more to life than him.

 

If you can talk to him calmly when he settles down, try to get your point accross by telling him if you ate an early dinner not knowing you'd get an invite, you sure aren't going to want to go out to eat! See if he gets the point when it's in unemotional and reality terms. If not - it's pretty self centered and immature not to be able to see your point, and he still needs some growing up!

[Imagine]

Hi Bamabelle,

 

I'm guessing that he is used to you jumping at his whim? When you were involved with him, would you jump when he made those short-notice calls? Have there even been times since you broke up that you've jumped at those calls?

 

It seems to me that he was feeling lonely or whatever and he was expecting you to jump at the chance to spend time with him, and when you didn't, he was disappointed and hurt. My guess is that he doesn't really want to stop calling you because you're too much trouble; he probably just wants you to be "less trouble." In other words, he wants you to start jumping to him again.

 

How long were you with him? Why/how did you break up? What does your instinct tell you?

 

Good luck,

Imagine