auburnslp Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 money? not a requirement...actually then you just get the materialistic type...no thanks. humor is good, being and saying interesting stuff is good...but confidence is key...see my earlier post... Link to comment
CaptainPlanet Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 money? not a requirement...actually then you just get the materialistic type...no thanks. humor is good, being and saying interesting stuff is good...but confidence is key...see my earlier post... Girls are naturally attracted to guys that have a big group of friends. The nature of that group might change as you get older, it might be the company you work for or the network you have. They're also attracted to men who are wealthy or have the ability to generate wealth now or that they percieve have the ability to generate it in the future. This is for unattractive men, women are still likely to be attracted to a man just because he has is really good looking. Depends on the woman. Humour seems to be incredibly big with a lot of women. When a lot of women refer to personality I don't think they are talking about you ability to be personable, I think they mean more your job, your social status, your friends. Not so much is he a nice friendly guy. Some women won't care about money or social status and will just go out with a guy who makes them happy, these are the good women IMO. I'll just add a bit more commentary and say, what happens if you're 25 got a budding career, marry a woman who finds you're at 'her level', then 10 years down the track your career has stalled and you no longer have compatible values. Apparently you're not ambitious enough. So what happens then ? does she leave you ? Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 money? not a requirement...actually then you just get the materialistic type...no thanks. humor is good, being and saying interesting stuff is good...but confidence is key...see my earlier post... Well, you can't joke if you don't have the confident to joke... Confident is the main requirement, but you can't approach with only confident, you need some more requirements to attract, such as humour... Money ? I think it really depends on the girl... Link to comment
rs.dallaire Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I don't consider myself unattractive but I'm honest enough to say I'm not about to land a role on national TV. I don't go to those Internet dating sites as solely based on a picture I stand no chance with most women. In real life, I manage to attract quite a few exceptionally beautiful ladies. The key is understanding who you are and what you are looking for. I can strike an interesting conversation with ANY woman. Women love to talk to me because I share my ideas and I give them plenty of room to express their thoughts. I smile when I see them, I maintain good eye contact when I talk to them, I pay attention to what they say and I make them laugh. The bad news is that this is NOT simple to do and will require a LOT of work on yourself. The good news is that this is a skill that you can actually learn and improve on. Guys who are "unattractive" tend to have crushes on "attractive" women based solely on their looks. Such guys tend to think they are "unattractive" because of their own selection criteria on women. Your life will change the day that you understand that attraction is about the interaction and not about sheer looks. It's not about how pretty she is, it's about the connection that the two of you share. Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Your life will change the day that you understand that attraction is about the interaction and not about sheer looks. It's not about how pretty she is, it's about the connection that the two of you share. Not everybody think the same way you do,you can call them shallow, but you can't change them... To some poeple, "sheer looks" is everything they need in a partner, others might prefer personality...its something individual.. Also, You can't attract everybody, and you can't make everybody like you... If you say that you can attract women, and women love talking to you, then you have no problem... Link to comment
rs.dallaire Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Not everybody think the same way you do,you can call them shallow, but you can't change them... To some poeple, "sheer looks" is everything they need in a partner, others might prefer personality...its something individual.. I'm afraid you may have partly misunderstood me. I am not calling anyone shallow, I am simply describing the mecanism that goes on when an "unattractive" guy positions himself versus the "attractive" woman. Changing this perspective will actually give the "unattractive" guy confidence as he understands the mecanisms of seduction. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 rs.dallaire...that was an awesome post... You are right-the ability to have those meaningful conversations with women is huge... There is one more thing that I failed to mention in my original post where I offered advice... You need to be open and honest, and actually express some emotion and feelings when talking with the ladies. Not to the point where they will see you as "one of the girls", but just enough that it is refreshing to them-most guys don't discuss their feelings or what is in their hearts...when you do that, and also have a confidence about you, well, that is very attractive to the girls... Link to comment
rs.dallaire Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 You need to be open and honest, and actually express some emotion and feelings when talking with the ladies. Not to the point where they will see you as "one of the girls", but just enough that it is refreshing to them-most guys don't discuss their feelings or what is in their hearts... This is SO right. Don't be a wuss but if you want her to open up, you will have to do the same. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 yes-chicks really dig this-they tell me that it is one of the things that attract me to them-that I am strong, confident, yet willing to share feelings and emotions...you just cannot go wrong... Link to comment
blindreepr Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I would also look into body language, get a few books on body language or just look at the body language of a guy that is successful with women compared to the body language of a guy who isn't. You should see a huge difference. Link to comment
rs.dallaire Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Now, after the "serious" advice, here's my "not-so-serious" but yet important advice: invest in a decent wardrobe. If you aren't particularly skilled at this, get help from a friend. If your friends all look like you, get help from a professional stylist... Being dressed properly will give you a 20% boost. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 yeah true...but, I am no clothes horse and still do pretty well...but, I will be honest, when I dress well and go out, I know I look good, and that boosts my confidence and my willingness to take a chance and smile at and talk to that pretty girl in the check-out lane or at a party or bar or whatever... That's more good advice from rs. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 and the post about body language above is also very very true...good advice-your body language is so clearly an indicator of confidence or lack of... Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I hate to repeat myself, but I am going to anyway-all the advice on here to this point has great merit...but, honestly, what I have found to be the biggest deal for me to get noticed is to get in shape-as an average looking guy, it is such a huge difference to have a good body...we can't change our looks (face wise), unless you have a willingness and money for a plastic surgeon, but we can change out looks just by being fit. I am no gym rat-I only go 2 or 3 times a week. But I eat well and am not hugely muscular, just fit-and when I started this about 6 months ago, my confidence has increased exponentially. It takes time and effort and maybe some lifestyle changes with your diet, but the rewards are so definitely worth it... Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I'm afraid you may have partly misunderstood me. I am not calling anyone shallow, I am simply describing the mecanism that goes on when an "unattractive" guy positions himself versus the "attractive" woman. Changing this perspective will actually give the "unattractive" guy confidence as he understands the mecanisms of seduction. Thats one of the reasons of why I don't believe in God.. I think that's life, you just can't change it... Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I hate to repeat myself, but I am going to anyway-all the advice on here to this point has great merit...but, honestly, what I have found to be the biggest deal for me to get noticed is to get in shape-as an average looking guy, it is such a huge difference to have a good body...we can't change our looks (face wise), unless you have a willingness and money for a plastic surgeon, but we can change out looks just by being fit. I am no gym rat-I only go 2 or 3 times a week. But I eat well and am not hugely muscular, just fit-and when I started this about 6 months ago, my confidence has increased exponentially. It takes time and effort and maybe some lifestyle changes with your diet, but the rewards are so definitely worth it... I don't believe in changing my look, my face in particular, if girls like me, then that's good, if they don't, then the hell with them... Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Phoenix91 You sound angry. I am also not suggesting to change our looks by going under the knife. But to take care of our bodies is a good thing every way you look at it. Don't know why you are bitter. But you are only 15? There is a ton of life ahead of you brother...not time to throw in the towel... Sorry you don't believe in God. But that is your choice of course. Personally I have found great peace in having faith-I also was verging on an atheist back when I was your age. Good luck to you-I hope you can reconcile whatever issues that are causing you pain... Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Phoenix91 You sound angry. I am also not suggesting to change our looks by going under the knife. But to take care of our bodies is a good thing every way you look at it. Don't know why you are bitter. But you are only 15? There is a ton of life ahead of you brother...not time to throw in the towel... Sorry you don't believe in God. But that is your choice of course. Personally I have found great peace in having faith-I also was verging on an atheist back when I was your age. Good luck to you-I hope you can reconcile whatever issues that are causing you pain... I'm sorry...I'm not angry..its just some personal problems I have... As you said, I'm only 15, but there a lot of stuff that are really bothering me about life...things I don't understand.. According to my religion, if you change your look, that's a sin... If God doesn't want me to change my look, then why doesn't he give me a good look at the first place...? Although I don't believe in changing my look (I've been told I'm a good looking by many girls though Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 well brother than what is the problem? I remember being 15, so many years ago. It is a really tough time-you are just now becoming a man and it is a time of finding who you are, and there are natural self-doubts that go along with it. But if girls are telling you that you are good looking, well,,,believe them!!!!!!! I was actually very awkward at that age. Had no self-confidence. Was a skinny kid, always the youngest in my class, braces, not particularly handsome. Never had girlfriends-mostly because I was shy and lacked that self-confidence. But then in college I filled-out physically, and learned how to interact with women... And if you would like to pm me about those personal problems that you mentioned, I would be happy to offer you my perspective. Take care brother-Michael Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 well brother than what is the problem? I remember being 15, so many years ago. It is a really tough time-you are just now becoming a man and it is a time of finding who you are, and there are natural self-doubts that go along with it. But if girls are telling you that you are good looking, well,,,believe them!!!!!!! I was actually very awkward at that age. Had no self-confidence. Was a skinny kid, always the youngest in my class, braces, not particularly handsome. Never had girlfriends-mostly because I was shy and lacked that self-confidence. But then in college I filled-out physically, and learned how to interact with women... And if you would like to pm me about those personal problems that you mentioned, I would be happy to offer you my perspective. Take care brother-Michael I do believe in that... The problem is that I believe everybody should live the same circumstances... When I talk with girls and look at a neglected boy in school, staring at me with this poor look, I just feel sorry, and I feel its not fair..that's when the girl I'm hanging around with feels something's wrong and walks away from me... BTW, sorry for chaning the topic... Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 nah actually it's a related topic All you are doing is proving that you have a good heart, that you care about others. You sound like an upstanding young man. We don't all live the same circumstances. That is a fact. Is it fair? No. But you are showing that you care, and you have a lifetime ahead of you where you can actually do things to make a difference in those poeple's lives who are less fortunate than us... You sound like a great guy-just keep your chin up-you are going to also be a great man, I can tell. Michael Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 nah actually it's a related topic All you are doing is proving that you have a good heart, that you care about others. You sound like an upstanding young man. We don't all live the same circumstances. That is a fact. Is it fair? No. But you are showing that you care, and you have a lifetime ahead of you where you can actually do things to make a difference in those poeple's lives who are less fortunate than us... You sound like a great guy-just keep your chin up-you are going to also be a great man, I can tell. Michael Thank you But I blame God for that.. I mean, its his wish life goes on that way... I want to change these people life, but it seems I can't, I can change 1 or 2, maximum 10...but I can't change all of them..and that's what really bothers me.. and I feel very weak and helpless because of that... Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 Man if you make a difference in one person's life than you are a better man than most...don't forget that. Link to comment
Clarity Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 You're 15, you're just starting to enter the world of relationships. I mean, you're at the very beginning! Give it some time before you get upset because, no offense intended, but people aren't going to put too much weight into your woes when they have been waiting for something for years and years longer. You have your whole adult life ahead of you, you should be psyched about that. And auburn slp is right, if you think your look is hampering you, you can't change some things, but you can change your physical fitness by hitting the gym. No religion I know of is against someone becoming fitter by natural means. Hitting the gym will increase your self-confidence and will also get you increased attention from girls. It's a win-win. Stay positive and work on things you know you can control. No use blaming it on worldly or supernatural elements. Link to comment
phoenix91 Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 I don't want to be arrogant, but I think I know quite enough about relationships... and I don't have any problems about my look...I like my face, and I like my body ( actually, I play karate and I have some muscle The problem is that life sucks, its not fair and.. it sucks, because some people are tired of relationships and doesnt date, and others never had a relation ship... and that's what bothers me...! I don't have any problems with my relationships, but I have problems with people who never had a relationship... I think its just not fair... But what the hell..? I can't change life, that's what God wants... Link to comment
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