Should I tell her or not?

[myomy]

Can somebody there gives me an advice..this is really a long one just give it a try to read this.

 

I dont know what to do with my problem anymore. Im a girl.

Here it goes..I have a hidden love with my friend since

First year High school shes's actually my classmate. Yes shes's a girl also.

that's 12 years ago already. At first Im attracted to her physically

but when I got know her better with her personality and attitude I like her more even better.It grows and grows as time goes by. I have this feelings that She also cares about me but consider me as her close friends only.Never did come accross in my mind that she's still feels the same about me..She's a normal and straight person. I always want to help her in school ,mostly in academics. For these this the only way I can expressed my care for her. At first I love this feeling bcoz it gives me so much happiness I still remember am always excited to go in schools becoz I'll see her there. but later it really hurts me.

 

I still keep it to my self until now Im already in my mid 20's.

So I'm hiding this feeling for almost a decade..And for

That 12 years of my life I think of her every single day. I find myself interested in reading some inspirational stories something to do with developing ones self, how to handle and cope up with stress and depression. I educate myself by reading those books. Hope fully I could find an answer there why I feel and reacted this way. Have read also Some passage and quotes in the bible too. I haven't find the answer there yet But Maybe I just found the courage and .I just woke one day that I can hide it anymore I feel it damage myself

it's not healthy anymore it affects my self can concentrate anymore But sometimes this feeling for her inspires me whenever I feel down,and makes me smile but the happiness it gives to me also gives a more pain to my feelings..I choose to hide it becoz I dont want to loose her even as a friend.

 

I tried to forget her but I always failed…When were in college I tried to avoid her by not seeing her I thought this feeling will just go away and plan to see her if I already forgotten this feeling. I haven't seen her

for 7 years now ..at present were so many miles away for she was in the other side of the world. the feeling is still there..Should I tell her abou it?

I am not expecting anything from her..but for her understanding

and forgivenes bcoz I feel guilty she thinks that its all pure friendship

the closeness and care for each other. I just want to be honest with her.

I enjoyed being friend with her. I have this feeling that I love her more as a friend but still confused with the other feeling I have for her when were still in high school. Were usually stay's in contact by communicating each other thru the net.. Hope I can convert this feeling into a pure friendship.

 

I don't want to carry this burden on my self again. Don't want to live the other years and the rest of my life with this kind of feeling. I feel that if I should tell this to her It will free myself from pain and worries and guilt that I carry with myself all these past years of my life. I want to get out of thinking her every single day of my life every minute. There are times I feel I have other world bcoz I find myself talking to her in my imagination only..and dreams. And it really scares me. I don't want to be like that anymore. I know it's not easy to get out of her memries and shadow. My mind occupied that thoughts of loving her and thinking all about her for so many years and it's already part of my system.

 

I want to do some other things and explore other things and life and it hinders me from doing that. Because I think her everyday and every night.Before and after going to sleep. I want to have a clean and normal life free from any thoughts of scaredness. Besides of that I can't figure out what I really want in my life bcoz she covered all of my thoughts.

 

I think Im not a lesbian but I must admit that so some times I have a sexual feeling for her since I find her so beautiful and attractive. But now I'm mature enough to handle that kind of thoughts. Maybe I have some homosexual tendencies. But always thinks not. I am a God fearing person. All that sexual feeling for her all exists in my mind. And I think I can never do it in real situation.

I have not involved in to any boyfriend girlfriend relationship throughout of my life. But I have some special feeling with some other boys sometimes. But I haven't that seriously like them or love them. It just fade Maybe I haven't seen any of my ideal man right now. And not open my mind for a special relationship.

 

I have this feeling that if I'll tell her about it I'll be relieved and get some life again. And also I will not feel guilty anymore for lying her all these past years. I don't want to loose her. Hope She'll understand me..just help me to recover again.see life in other angle beautiful view. That she can accept me as a new friend despite of all. But I don't want to give her some thoughts that will bother her thoughts since she's really very happy with her life now with her son and family. She's so kind to give that kind of worriness. I always want her happiness in life. Knowing that she' happy now makes me happy too. I haven't feel any jealousy with her special relationship with boys. Although I admit Sometimes I got jealous when she's much closer to her other female friends. But I can handle and understand that. I am also open that there might be a chance that we will not be able to see each other anymore again and Im ok for that. Just knowing she's fine and Happy makes me content and glad.

 

I don't have any plan of telling this things to my family.and to other . Just to her only. Once she already knows about it I'll just continue with my life whatever happens.

I am not afraid of anything now For I was able to do the scariest and the most fearful situation in my life now and that is telling her all about this.

 

Is there any medical suggestion that keeping it to my self will suffer my future,health and mind? Should I just keep it to my self and hope this to fade in time and tried to totally lost my contact to her? Is telling this things to her will solved my problem? Sometimes I think that it's better If I already told her about this before most especially when were still were still in highschool so it will not be a pain to me during my college years and the past few years of my life. That It might already be solved..Sometimes I think that I have this "in love" syndrome only . That I once read with others forums. I still don't know. Maybe If I seen her again there are two things that will gonna happen to fall in love deeply with her or to wake up and erase this feeling for her. Maybe I'll just forget about her, by being so workaholic and doing anything that will cause to forget her( I still don't know what are those things.)...But Im still confuse whats the best solution to this problem.Telling this to her might be the end of our friendship and contact to each other. If I'll tell her I still don't know where to start and end the story. Im really confuse. But Im asking for Gods' guidance I know He will help me. As he always do help me in almost of all my prayers. Gods is good to me that I don't want to commit the sins of homosexuality if it's a homosexual sin I still don't know. I don't have any plan of engaging myself in to this kind of activity. I want to end up this sin and start a new life. Please help….gives some advice how can I handle this problem..thanks people out there.

 

 

By the way after writing all these things I feel a little bit relieved. And I just don't know what will happen next.

 

Of course I know this problem is nothing with the problems of other people. They have a big problems too and my problems is nothing compare to other. All of us have a problem the only difference is how will we react to that problems.

 

What Ever happen I'll just ask for Gods assistance.

 

I'll End up by this quote I read in one book

 

"I can do all things through Christ which strengthened me"

 

The impact of this quote to me is I can continue with my life even there will be other problems that will hit my life in the future. Asides from the problems I have cited.

 

 

I have read my problem from the start to end several times before posting this. And I have realized is this the problem that hindering my self from doing other things in life? is this the problem that cause me some so much pain , depression and stress. And just keep it to my self for over a decade. I should have write it before. Why I have keep it for all those years.

 

 

I plan to write a just one paragraph only but many thoughts have entered on my mind while typing. And it cost me whole day gathering all this thoughts.

 

For someone out there do you know other site that I should post this problems . so many can gives an advice to me. thanks again hoping for all of your advise and reaction..

[sammychick267]

yeah i feel the same way girls are so much softer and cuter then boys and they listen and stuff. You should talk to her about how u feel or else if u dont u regret it.

[MollyElise]

I think you should tell her, she should love you enough (as a friend) to understand. I think you won't be able to get over this until you tell her.

[Chibi_usagi_noodles]

It seems like its very hard what you are going threw. Perhaps you are bisexual, if you love her, then you deffinetely are. But being gay/lesbian/ bi is ok. Maybe telling her your feelings insn't that bad of an idea. Depends in what way she takes it, she may react strangely to it.

Why don't you try to attract her before you share you're honest feelings to her. There are many ways you can brain wash her into it, its not impossible, as a matter of fact, it has been done before. All you have to do is get her attracted, liek per example.. Cut ur hair s hort, look like a guy, dress like a guy, act like a guy, act masculin, Natural instincts for her will make her feel like she is with one, and maybe even if she refuses to admit it, she would probably be attracted. A good way to start to tell ur true feelings will probably be tellng her you are bi

I wish you the best of luck

Bi people are cool!

Peace!