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My confusing ex-boyfriend...whats going on?!


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Hi everyone!

I have posted a topic here before, and I got some good advice, so thank you!

 

Unfortunately, things have recently taken a turn for the...confusing, and I need some more help if anyone can give it.

 

Basically, my boyfriend and I broke up about 6 weeks ago, because he didn't get butterflies when he saw me anymore, and he wanted to go out and have some fun with his friends, but he said that he would probably ask me out again in the future because I'm "so lovely" according to him. He also said that he didn't want us to drift apart and he wanted us to be best friends. We're both very young (in relationship terms), I'm 16 and he is 17. We had been going out for about 2 years, and we didn't have any major problems. The break up was completely out of the blue. The break up has been awful on me, as I had just started at a new school at the time, and it caused all sorts of problems. I had to have time off school as I was so upset, and actually considered dropping one of my A-Level courses just so I could cope a bit better.

 

I have been doing the no-contact thing that seems to be recommended here, and after about 2 weeks of not seeing him or contacting him, he texted me asking me what I had done the night before. I was quite surprised at this as he never even texted me when we were going out! I didn't get the message for a while as I was busy with my friends (trying to forget about it all), and when I texted him back at midnight he replied straight away, and we had a mini-conversation. This was even more shocking because he also never used to reply to my messages!

 

I called him the next day to see how he was (I was ill and my resolve weakened!), and he seemed genuinly happy to hear from me. We had a good conversation, and like all of the times I have seen him since we finished, it was like we had never broken up.

 

All of this had lead me to believe that he was maybe missing me a bit. And this made me really happy, as it seems like a first step to getting back together sometime in the future. But then I spoke to one of his friends on Sunday night, after my conversation with my ex.

 

I was told that he spent Friday night out with his friends, trying to get with another girl. I spoke to another friend who was at the bar with them, though, and she said she didn't notice anything! Even though he didn't get anywhere with her and nothing happened, I was absolutely gutted because I thought he was missing me. But then I asked myself why he had been so happy when I called, and why he texted me. The only possible reasons I could come up with were that he just plain missed me, or because he couldnt get anywhere with this girl and that made him miss me.

 

I saw him this evening, with a group of our friends, and he was being lovely to me, as usual, and actually a bit flirty. But then one of our friends starting mocking him because of this girl, and that made me worry that something was going to happen with them. If it did I think it would put me right back to how depressed I was straight after the break up and I dont think I could handle it.

 

If anyone has any insight or advice about why this guy is texting me and being nice, then I would really really appreciate it. I apologise for this being so long, thank you for reading it!

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Hello,

First of all, I refuse to call you an air-head... you are not!!! You actually seem very intelligent for your age. Know that in your own mind.

 

I understand that you are upset with your ex-boyfriend. As an outsider viewing this situation, it sounds to me like this: Either because you started another school, or because of other reasons unknown, he decided it was time to play the field to see what else is out there. This is not uncommon for your ages and even though it hurts you tremendously, expect it from guys your age, know it going into the relationship next time. It is in their nature to be more concerned with themselves and their own needs more than yours, and it is not their fault or yours. Anyway, it also seems to me that he tried to snare another female, failed, and came back to you as a result to spare his ego. You see, most guys (not ALL) always have to know that they can have a female whenever they want, and that's why they do this. It has a lot to do with self-esteem and peer pressure. My advice to you is to be straight with him, tell him how you feel about him, ask him if he feels the same, and if he does not, tell him to leave you alone. Don't take his calls, don't answer any messages, etc. The more desperate you look, the more you call, the more clear the picture is in his mind that you will be there at his every whim. You are your own person, not his plaything. Don't let him play with your emotions. While it is probably possible to maintain a friendship with him, and that's very mature of you if you can do it, be prepared for him to keep playing with your feelings. He's most likely an OK guy but he's just young and not ready to be committed. Once you show him that you will answer him or talk to him on YOUR terms and not his, you will be all the more intriguing. Remember, guys like a challenge. Good luck and I hope I helped some. It's nothing you did wrong I'm sure.

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Thank you both so much!

 

It really helps to know that others are going through the same thing.

 

Also, Princess777, thank you for your intelligence comment!

 

And thanks for the advice, I will try not to reply to his messages etc. I think it helped that I didn't text him back straight away, that would have made me look completely desperate! Its a bit hard not to talk to him sometimes though, as he is part of my group of friends.

 

Thanks again!

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