duno if i love her, how to say goodbye?are we just attached?

[easilymistakeme]

i am a young guy facing something that seems to be a big problem to me.

im 17 yrs old, still in high school. and ive been loyal to this certain girl of the same age for about a year now. and i am her first real young love, for a fact. we sacrifice alot of time and alot of everything for each other. and we are and always been since a few months after we started goin out, pretty much attached, especially recently. but sadly, my feelings started to fade a month ago, and it is still going. i wish life was easier. i find it hard to say i love her, or to let alone kiss her. i dont think i want to because i thought i started this good habit of gradually letting her know that my feelings are fading. But today i think i made an enourmous mistake when i found myself in bed with her. i dont know what i was thinking, and i dont know if i was thinking at all. i gave her much love during our time, and i was absolutely very very very good to her. some people would say a little too good(no lie). i also happened to be the one who took her virginity from her....

she has develped a huge reliance on me, maybe because of this. if not, then she is still very very heavily attached to me, and she wouldnt know how to go on with life without me as her bf. she is very naive right now in her life, being inexperienced other than with me. and i desperately want to know how to say goodbye to someone who loves you that much. i dont know how to break it to her, and i dont want her to collapse totally and do something stupid that any other teenager would do if they were that devastated. im very lost, and i need help with what to do. i have lots of school to worry about and alot of my life is ahead of me. i am just too darn considerate of other peoples feelings. i would actually put her first when it comes to this, and cancel out during the breakup because i just cant take her showing so much pain.

 

please help me, i need all the help i can possibly get right now.

 

very much appreciated

 

-easilymistakeme

[HippoXNinja]

Waddup easilymistakeme. I'm kinda going through something similar. I'm going out with this chick and I've been wanting to end things with her but she's so into me that it makes it really difficult and I don't want to hurt her. Its never a bad thing to be too considerate of other peoples feelings, but it does its draw backs. My advice would be to take things slow, really think it out and totally be honest.

[caliboy]

i went through the same exact thing as you are now, so i'll tell you what i did and give you my advice. we were both really into each other, and my feelings started to fade. she was really into me, i was her first, etc.

 

i broke up with her and she took it HARD. for a few months she tried to keep in touch with me, apologize, all that. i graduated high school and went to college. we talked maybe once or twice over the summer, both times her contacting me. i was feeling great. not tied down and i was doing things i enjoyed without having to worry about someone there. i cared for her and all, but i wasn't in love with her. i had no urges to call her. i was into my own thing.

 

we didn't talk for a few months while i was away at school, and i started to miss her. i debated for awhile on if i should call her or not, until i finally did. we talked and saw each other. the first time in 5 or 6 months. it was a little odd at first, yet comfortable at the same time. we talked more and more until we got back together officially.

 

think about what you're doing here. is it that you just don't want to be in a relationship right now or are there things about her you don't like. cause if you think about her negatives and can't find many or any at all, then you might want to rethink this. take it slow and talk to her about how you're feeling. take some time apart so that you can see what you're missing.

[russia]

virginity, that's the question. did she buy your loyalty with it? did you accept the deal? if you did, then these are the consequences you accept. you are not a man for making love to a woman, but a man when you accept your responsibilities

 

what is loyalty? what is love? only when it suits you? only when she was a virgin and wasn't clinging to you? why do you think she is clinging to you now? she's YOURS! like it or not. cos you made her cling. so now you want to make her uncling, right?

 

easy. the plain truth always works. tell her your feelings for her died. you don't like her now, all clingy and bothersome. you hate having sex with her and having to be stuck with her cos she gave you her virginity. you never wanted a virgin girlfriend anyway. you wanted FUN and sow your wild oats.

 

btw, you don't have a choice now. cos you don't love her and you are not mature enough to make the situation right. so break up. it's the least of the worst for both of you. of course, she might commit suicide, but that won't bother you if you even considered this course of action.

[emix]

Hey, from a girl's point of view, I wouldnt encourage you to tell her the complete truth. This would be hard to take for a 17 yr old, who just lost her virginity to u. and trust me, you would not get away with it easily by being this honest with her. However, try show her that you are putting your school works as your first priotity from now. As girls at her age, it only takes matter of time for her to get bored with u, and realises there r plenty more choices out there for her... So cheer up, you are too young to be worrying about relationships like this.

[easilymistakeme]

yeah...

i think you guys made some really good points. i dont know if its that i totally dont feel for her. i just dont know if i really want a relationship right now. but shes the type of girl who would take that differently and assume that i hate her or something, or that i thought she was ugly. its just that i look at us as being more of close friends. i spend a load of time with her, but not really in a sexual way..at all almost. its pretty much just hanging out most of the time, and lots of cuddling and whatnot. its making me sick, im honestly sick of it...hehe.

 

The thing someone said about her getting bored of me..

how do you think i could speed that process up just a little bit?(if possible)

i dont want to leave her when she is feeling this strong towards me.

i happened to take a peek in her diary, even though i know i shouldnt have. and she wrote how much she doesnt want to lose me, and she kept asking herself what is wrong because she is confused.......

im really confused too

 

i just want it to be over, i dont worry about the pain i might feel at all. its her who is making me worry in every way

 

thanks

easilymistakeme

[easilymistakeme]

oh, btw emix...that gives me a little hope, thanks.

you have to remember that im pretty young compared to some of you, so i havent acquired the wisdom many of you may possess when it comes to love life.