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struggling with my life!!!!

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i am 24 year old guy originally from pakistan living in Virginia USA.

i met him in 2001,he was from egypt.the first day i met him i thought it was one big mistake meeting a guy like him,but things changed and changed very rapidly.It was something in him that i really liked,he said that he was 24 at that time,but i thought he looked much older.we started to meet very often,called eachother 3 to 4 times a day,i started to feel that i feel very jealous when we looked at someone else or talked about anyone else other than me,i wasn't sure what was going on.we started to pick up fights and arguments,and i know it was just me who started fights every time and he spared me.i knew i was getting too serious.day and night the only thing i ever thought was about him,after two months of out first meeting,we had a big fight and he left for egpyt without letting me know,i called him three days but he never answered him phone,then i called his business number,from where i came to know that he had left......2 months i was in exterme pain ,i didn't know what to do ,i called his brother who lived with him,he said the same thing......then atlast one day i was crying thinking about him ,my cell phone rang and it was him on the phone from egypt,i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy ,i have never been that happy in my entire life.i called him every day to egypt for atleast an hour ,my phone bill was sky rocketing $900 for the first month,$1200 cell phone for the first month,my parents were exteremly mad at me,but i didn't stop calling him....he wasn't able to enter US after sep 11,so i decide to go to egypt,after spending atleast $3000 on phone bills i went to egypt in march 2002,we lived togeather in a hotel for a week,i was very happy to see him and so was he,then he told me the truth, he said he was married and had two kids ,my life was shattered in a sec,i can't explain how i felt at that time,even now i cannot forget him ,i have tried everything ..... but my life has no meaning,it's not that i miss hm or anything,it's just that the time i spent with him,keep stalking me,the old memories keep reminding me how i felt being in love...........i have changed alot,it's been two years ,there has not been a single day when i didn't think of him,it's not about sex,it's not about passion,it's about true love,my first and last.......i don't feel anything,my feeling have dried out,i am alive cause,i can't kill myself cause i have a lovely mother and a sister who loves me very much,i cannot give them pain for the rest of their lives...........i know i will live alone my entire life,and won't feel that happiness of being in love again........so plz don't lie to anyone you may never know, how badly you will hurt someone.

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I almost made that mistake, there was a guy I liked but I never told him for sges and pretended i liked other people. I didnot notice the pattern that every time I made one up he tried to kill him selfor when I fell out with him, I almost killed some one by not telling them I loved them. Luckily for me I was forced to admit to my feelings and I discovered he loved me too, we are now happily going out together. Not telling my emotions almost killed me too, so please don't let that happen.

caz xx

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I was in a situation where i really liked this guy and i hung out with him ALL the time for a long time. I had feelings for him that i WOULD NOT confess.....at the time i thought that it was because i was afraid of his reaction. NOW I am very thankful that i never said anything. I now can see that i could never handle a guy like him and he would make my life more drpressing than it already is. He has a lot of 'baggage' that i cant deal with. I can now see that i was more afraid of the 'relationship' that might follow if he was into me than the rejection of him not wanting to be with me. Sometimes it makes me mad at myself though because i have this really bad feeling that if he ever did ask me out that i might still want to be with him. But id like to think that id be smarter than that. Sometimes ........just sometimes.........you cant listen to your heart.....cause every now and then it just might be wrong.

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