I'm Going Crazy

[rachel1256]

I'll try and make this as short as possible. Basically, my boyfriend of 4 years, who I love so much, aquired a job when he moved back to Cali through his buddy, "holly." He's been buddies with her since high school, and claims they've never been intimate, nor ever will be..

 

The thing is, since he's been back to Cali, and his friend got him this job, he's been going to lunch with her during the week ( i see texts in his phone about meeting for lunch, he let me use his phone) she asks him to go to church with her almost every sunday for the past 3 weeks, and now, she's invited him to a work party. It's been causing a big rift in our relationship. I WAS totally cool with them being buddies, I trusted him. Now, it's every weekend or week they meet, and I'm NOT invited. He tells me he's going with her, but neither she nor him invite me . I ask why, he says it's not his place to invite, plus, there's tension between her and I, she likes him a little bit, so he doesn't want it to be akward. He keeps telling me I have to be ok with it, just chill, nothing will ever happen.

 

SO, during a huge fight last week, where he walked away from me and yelled "shut the f*** up, " he turned back around and said, "by the way, i'm going to a party Holly invited me to on Sat night, so BE OK WITH IT." I calmly asked him if I could go, he said, "no, it's invite only, you can't go." I was SO hurt, SO mad, and when I tried to talk it through, he turned around and walked away from me. I just drove home...

 

He expects me to be fine with this whole thing, and I would be, but I'm NEVER invited, and he's her date to EVERYTHING it seems. She's his age, 36, and I'm 24. He calls me a child all the time, tells me to SHUT UP when I don't be quiet when he wants, and everytime I try to make up, just wants to keep it going, and doesnt want me over, because he says we'll fight. Well, I'm TRYING to mend that. I tried ignoring him, but he still calls me! Am I overreacting, am I needing to just calm down as he says, or should I leave him for good. This is hurting me so much, I tried to make up last night, but he thought I would fight, so told me to turn around and go home.

[Xetra Dax]

You are in your right, in a relationship YOU are supposed to be his nr.1 in life and vice versa. He's totally favoring her, and he's pushing you out of his life, you could 'at least' be invited. Break up the relationship, and step out of his life, if he asks why tell him to turn around and go home.

[rachel1256]

Thank you. I asked him one more time this morning if he could go with me to the show instead of the dinner, and he said, "NO, I'm NOT going to cancel dinner. YOU DON"T UNDERSTAND, ITS WORK, you're too young to understand." I'm so confused, I'm literally going crazy, all I can do is cry all the time, he's been hanging up on me all the time, because I said this wrong, or did that wrong.

 

What's wrong with him? I'm not that bad, I'm just hurt and it's showing, yet he thinks I'm crazy. I'm NOT.

 

He called to say good morning this morning, and I asked him where they were having dinner tonight. He flipped out, thinking i meant it in some weird way,(OK!) and hung up on me. He said I wish I never called you, i just called to say goodmorning. Now I feel even worse. Please guys, I'm feeling lower than I've ever felt in my life, and i'm normally a confident, lovely young woman.

[Mavh25]

You're obviously too good for him, he's being really horrible to you and you're not in the wrong atall. Anyone in their right mind would feel the same as you do and his cold attitude is jsut fuelling how bad you're feeling about the whole situation.

 

I think you need to stop answering his calls, he'll soon start to panic. I know this is sort of game playing but you need to remind him exactly what it is he stands to lose. He needs to realise exactly what he's doing. Just maybe for a couple of days ignore him. I know its hard to resist just calling and asking whats wrong and trying to sort things but look at the response you get when you do so? He's being so mean about it, you need to just step away from it for a moment and think it through. You deserve atleast a little bit of acknowledgment. Don't beat yourself up for caring.

[vertex]

The way he is treating you is inexcusable. If the two of you are a couple, he has absolutely no right to be saying and doing these things to you. Constantly going out with another woman, saying nasty things to you, being an huge jerk overall... if he can't see how much he's hurting you, I honestly think it's time you show him the stakes. Let him know how you feel, and if he continues down the path he's going... sever all contact with him. You don't deserve to be treated like trash, like you're second on his list of priorities.

 

His attitude towards inviting you to events is disgusting. I know that if I was invited somewhere and my girlfriend couldn't go (but wanted to), I wouldn't go. Period. Nothing else need be said. If you are a couple, you work as a couple. But what he's doing goes beyond this... he doesn't invite you and he's going with another woman, for goodness sake! It's just mind boggling to me how he could do this to his significant other. And he's calling you the child here? Seems to me he's acting like the immature one.

 

Don't let him control you like this. Take a stand, rachel.

[rachel1256]

Thank you guys. I feel better now. he's still ignoring me... I know i have to pick up my dignity and not care, but I blew it a few minutes ago. I sent him a text that said "i'm sorry, I just miss you, I want to see you, and what you're doing just hurts me."

I've sent some texts that could be nicer, but who wouldn't react to someone who says he wants to be cool, but when I try to be, he keeps fighting. I tried to come over last night and make up, but he said that he was afraid we'd fight. How are we going to make up if he's constantly dissing me, and never wants me over.

I have too much hope in someone who SAYS he loves me and wants to build a stronger relationship, but choses to stay mad and not have me over when it comes down to it.

 

He tells me I'm crazy, he makes me feel bad and hurt, and my thought is he's just trying to justify his behavior by making me look, and feel crazy.

 

Thank you all for your helpful posts. I'm 24, attractive, and smart. I don't think I need someone who's most likely set in his ways at 36, who calls me names, to dictate my life anymore.

[vertex]

You don't need to apologize to him. He needs to apologize to you. Isn't he the one who is hurting you? An apology signifies that you regret doing something to another person. What do you have to regret? The fact that he is the one hurting you? You truly deserve someone who will treat you as a queen, and not make you feel the need to apologize to him for nothing.

 

I have always been an advocate of the following ideal: the person I love should never have to apologize to me. Because if they love me and did everything in their power to make things work... what is there to apologize for?

 

You have done all you can. It is up to him now.

 

Oh! When you feel the urge to contact him... try to post on these forums first. Chat with us eNAers before making that call to him or sending that text message to him. Tell us what you wanted to say. Vent if you feel the need to. We're all here to listen and support you all along the way!

[rachel1256]

Thank you, Vertex, so much! I hope you all know, even if I sound crazy at the moment, I'm not. I'm just so in love with someone who plays goes back and forth, calls me crazy, and says things that are just so cruel..

 

I will take your advice before i text or call. I honestly just want to be done with this man. I don't know if that would be too extreme, but he blames me for everything, when I know in my heart I'm not at fault for everything he accuses me of.

 

If I get the urge to contact him, I'll post here before. Thank you so very much for your advice. I'm grateful.

[vertex]

No, no, no, you don't sound "crazy" at all. Many of us (myself included) know the feeling of caring and loving about someone so deeply... but not having that same love returned. Yet we can't help but continue to love them even against all odds. It is exhausting both mentally and physically, but it gets better in time.

 

There is really no need for thanks. I am glad I can be of assistance to you.