Broke up, he had an accident, won't talk to me....

[lasergirl]

Over a year ago, I broke up with my exboyfriend. I didn't stop loving him but I never felt loved. We were together for 6 years and he never told me he loved me. Whenever I brought up our future, he said he didn't know and refused to talk about it. The night we broke up, he was discussing taking a job in another city. I wanted to discuss what that meant for our relationship but he refused. I was fed up and ended it. A few days later, he got into an accident. He had to go through multiple surgeries and refused to see me the entire time. He hung up when I called. Over the past year, we have seen each other and it has been confusing. Sometimes he gets very upset and a few times he has cried. Other times he's very angry and refuses to speak to me. The last time we saw each other he was calm and told me that he wasn't ready to hang out and be friends yet. He assured me that he would call me when he was. His eyes got watery and he asked me to leave. I'm devastated. I still love him. I don't know how he feels about me though or why he's doing this. Part of me thinks that he might love me, but have issues expressing his feelings and this is why he feels so hurt. The other part of me feels that he's just being a jerk for no reason. I've started dating again. I'm currently dating a wonderful man who treats me very well. He's affectionate and has no problems expressing his feelings. The problem is that I'm not over my exboyfriend. I need some type of closure but I don't know how to get it. Also, part of me is still so in love with him that I think about getting back together all the time. I think we could overcome his emotional issues and make it work. Why is he doing this? Is he in love with me or is he just emotionally unstable??

[dnsking]

if your current bf treats you good and shows that he loves you, why would you want the ex bf who in 6 years never told you he loved you. my advice you know what u have now and how good it is dont mess it up and end up with nothing. you can't change people no matter how much u think u can, he has to change himself and prove himself to you. if i were you id be friends with him but no leave the current bf.

[russia]

a guy who never tells you he loves you in all the years together. that's definitely not an emotional guy, much less emotionally unstable. he's an emotional cripple, and you have a soft heart for needy people. or else it's great sex. i don't know. and it doesn't matter anymore.

 

right now, count your blessings, and take time to forget your ex. just stop thinking you love him. love him as a human being, not a lover. your lover is now the wonderful man you have and hold. so enjoy the him you have now, or waste your life pining for that which never was

[Mar]

I agree that your ex has some sort of emotional difficulties if he can't tell you he loves you after that long a period of time. Regardless of his reasons for not speaking to you, you truly can't force the issue of getting your answers, and the more you push, the less likely you are to get them.

 

From the sound of it, he doesn't like talking about ANY relationship issues, so he's certainly not going to be willing to discuss your breakup and possibly bring up what I'm sure are intense feelings of guilt from knowing how he's upset you.

 

The best course of action is to simply enjoy this new man in your life, and try to devote yourself to him and give him everything he gives you, as far as positive emotions go. If you CAN'T do that because of thoughts of your ex, then you need to let your current guy know that, or it's basically emotional cheating. Not fair to him OR you to be with him while thinking of another man.

 

As far as the hurt of lack of closure, that DOES fade over time, when it's clearly not going to happen. (I was in a similar situation.) It's tough, but you have to just wait it out until you're tired of wasting your time and energies trying to get something you won't be able to, and tired of being alone. There's truly no other simple answer for it, at least not that I've come up with yet!

 

Mar