I Need help with marital problems

[propane]

Well, i am currently in iraq and facing a difficult situation. My wfe wants a divore. We do have a child involved. She says it's for many reasons like me not helping with our son and around the house. But she also says she is in love with one of her former boyfriends. They have been talking now for about two months. He tells her he is also in love with her. I want to work this marriage so bad! But she says no. I want to try and talk things out when i get home, but she doesn't want to. She says their is nothing to talk about and that she doesn't want to be with me. I don't know what to do. I can provide for her better than anyone else ever could. I know it. But she doesn't seem to be willing. Now she is telling me she wants joint physical custody. But that concerns me b/c now i'm not gonna be able to be with my son as often as i like. For instance when she moves to be with this guy then it's gonna be very hard for me to see him. I don't know what to do or say. I hate the fact that this guy is gonna basically be a father to my son. He is gonna do everything with him that i want to do. And when he starts school i'm only gonna be able to see him for a short time during vacations and stuff... I actually called him and had a few words with him. Nothing bad..just men talking. But the way he sounds is that my wife and him are talking marriage. Can't they get in trouble for that b/c they are both military as well? i just can't cope with this all happening. I need some advice on what to say to her. She tells me she doesn't love me. Help me

[avman]

Well it doesn't sound like you can stop the divorce. I mean, if thats what she wants and refuses to discuss things with you then thats what is going to happen.

 

Now as far as custody goes and being a father to your son, that is within your control. Joint physical custody means that you basically split the time equally (or fairly equally) that your son spends with you. He could stay with you for two weeks a month and with them two weeks a month. Or three nights a week with you and four with them. Or whatever the two of you can agree to. You CAN be the father you want to.

 

You CAN specify that she cannot move more than a certain distance away in the divorce/custody agreement. And if she tries to move and uproot your son from everything he knows then maybe you should fight for sole custody. In any case get that custody agreement in writing. And then live up to it. Spend every moment that the agreement lets you with your child. And spend more if you can. Tell her that you want the "right of first refusal" if she cannot care for your son. That means she's gotta call you instead of a sitter.

 

The boyfriend will NOT be your son's father. YOU ARE. Heck the boyfriend might be gone tomorrow. But you are always his father. Be there for him. You can still do everything with your son that you want to do.

 

If you don't have a good family law attorney, go get one right now. You are going to need it. Make sure its one who will fight for your rights and who is a good custody negotiator. If the lawyer says you are screwed, go find another lawyer.

 

ANd hang in there.