Confused with ex's behaviour?

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks for reading... I've posted many times and thank everyone who have replied.

Well my ex-girlfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me 2 months ago because we argued alot the last 6 months of the relationship and because I had a fear of commitment.She kept asking me when we were going to get married and have kids and stuff. I kept telling her later.

Well anyways we broke up and she started dating someone about 2 weeks after we broke up and still is dating him as far as I know. The past 2-3 weeks I've been dating this new girl but there isn't that connection it's mainly just for sex. The problem I have is that at first I was begging her back and was getting denied by her saying she needs time to think and she wasn't sure if we can go back to what we had. For the past month I've been cool with that, I mean I still miss and love her but have left her pretty much alone.

The thing I am really confused about is that why she keeps calling me about once a week. It's usually at work asking if she wants to do lunch but we never end going for lunch because we always have different lunch hours but sometimes she calls me at home to say hi and I keep the conversation short. The question is Why is she still calling me about once a week? She was the one that broke up and needed space and now is dating a new guy for over a month? What does she really want? Has anyone ever had this happen before? Does she want to get back together later on? Is she just being nice or nosey about what's going on in my life?

Any feedback would be appreciated.

Thanks

[Finzsoftie]

Hey There,

 

 

Think about it this way: Some girls and guys like to sit on a comfy chair - and their partners put them up there, like on a throne. You know when two people break up and one person runs after the other person to a certain extent the person who feels in power and control - who feels good, is the one that was being run after.

Do you get me?

So..... i think that she wants to sit in a comfy chair, and she is doing it so you wont forget about her easily....... if a relationship/love/ anything is meant to happen it will happen sooner or later.

And there is no such thing as thinking/when you want to be with someone you will be with them no matter what...... so the answer to your question is that, dont give this 'chit chat' bullshit too much attention, do not read into it. Even if you want, I reckon just tell her one day - 'hey look it was you who wanted to break up, so please you know dont call so much'. It was her choice not yours, so now she has to live with the consequences.

 

Yes I understand that you miss her and that you love her...... but do you truly want what she wants?

Ask yourself if you miss her or just being with someone so close? Relationships develop! You just have to give them a thorough chance!

 

If you want to chat PM me

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Yeah I tend to read too much into things alot. Everytime she would call me lately I've always felt bout talking about "US" but never did, always acted like everything is fine and dandy, which in alot of ways they are but deep down I would love to try our relationship again.

But maybe I should think about telling her to not call me for a while or something.

[reinvented21]

Hey,

 

I would definitely think about telling her not to call you for a while. I think that youre ex may feel guilty about ending the relationships. However, she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She cant have both. She wants the new guy, and she wants you, but only as a friend. Usually when a guy gets dumped and the ex tries to keep contact its because she is trying to alleviate her guilt. Also, since you started playing a challenge by acting cool and calm and not begging her back anymore, she is slightly more drawn to you. Cutting contact with her is great because you get to heal properly AND if you still want her back at least she has something to miss. You cant miss someone if they are always around. I would let her go, cut contact. Continue playing it cool. Do things that you havent done before. It may be wise for you to not see anyone for a while, because they are likely to just be a rebound, I dont think that would be fair to the other person. Just lay low for a little, do an internal audit on youreself(if necessary) and allow youreself the time to heal and grow, I wish you the best!!!!!

 

Create a great day

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks reinvented21

 

The problem now is that I have been dating someone now for almost 3 weeks.She's nice and all and the sex is great but I don't have that certain feeling for her because I still love the ex. And to make things worse I think she may be getting attached to me. I guess I should be upfront with her now better than later.

You're advice sounds good about not contacting the ex, telling her not to call me anymore. But the thing is wouldn't that send her the message that I'm still in love with her and make me look weak still? Because lately I've been trying to just be happy casual when I'd talk to her...

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Thanks needherback

Wow your relationship sounds like mine alot. Exept for the sex after break up part.Well actually that happened once , a week after we broke up. But she used to say the same that I would never really show her how Much that I loved her.Thinking about things now, I am ready for marriage and kids in the near future, I was stubborn when I was with her, I mean I'm 27 but wanted to be 20 still and act like all by buddies still do. You know partying every week-end and what not....

It's confusing......

[Finzsoftie]

Hey,

I forgot to tell you this quote that keeps me by from everything that happened:

 

IF YOU LOVE SOMETHING SET IT FREE, IF IT LOVES YOU, IT WILLCOME BACK.

 

Apply the quote to yourself and say "ok we loved each other but she set me free........ I am going to make use of everything that is going on and that is happening, use this time wisely..... and to myself.... and in a few months, if i still think that i truly madly and deeply love her..... then I MIGHT CALL!"

 

The best thing for yourself is to not contact her.

 

I wish you all the best

[bubbamackdaddy69]

I so agree with that quote..Finzsoftie,

But the thing is that I am not the one calling ..She is the one calling me mostly about once a week. The last time I called her was 3-4 weeks ago...She seems to call once a week to do lunch or to just talk for 5 minutes nothing more really. So I'm thinking in the back of my head is actually I really don't know..I mean she's still with that new guy and we've been broken up for 2 months and she still calls once in a while. I even sent her parents a letter a month ago and they sent me one back saying how much they miss and love me and her Mom even said that I waited to long to show her how much I loved her but that they still love me. She's even mentioned how much she loves my family and that her family loves me about a month ago..It's just weird..

[caliboy]

damn bro, i'm going through the exact same thing as we speak. the mixed signals and all. i talked to her on the phone a couple days ago and she would drop little hints constantly like she was interested still. i asked and she told me she has a boyfriend, "but it's nothing serious". what your and my ex are doing is keeping us on the back burner. they may both have boyfriends who they're intimate with or whatever, but they still care about us deep down. they can't give up that contact with us, cause it's what keeps them from feeling guilty and sad for missing us. they say misleading things in order to hear our response and know that they've still got us. once they do, they back off and go back to their current boyfriend.

 

so i finally got sick of it, and sent her an email this morning basically telling her to leave me alone for awhile. if you want, i can show you what i sent her, cause i had a hard time figuring out what to say that was to the point, non-emotional yet nice.

 

so what you have to do is cut her out, cause it's not right for a person to do this to someone else. that quote you guys were talking about before is in my signature. it's such a true quote. if you wanna know once and for all and cut out all the heartache, do what it says. i haven't even gotten a response from her yet and i already feel a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

Hey caliboy,,

It sucks doesn't it..And the worst part is that I'm dating a girl now and being intimate with her and I don't have any true feelings for her. She's nice and sweet and wants me over at her house tomorrow and she's cooking me dinner but deep down I still love the ex.. I'm all messed up.

When I ask her about her new boyfriend she says the same thing as your ex too ,"It's nothing serious and what I want right now"

 

If you can that would be great if you can show me what you wrote..It may help me in this situation also...

 

Thanks