confusion...

[enadevoli]

ok, so me & my best friend were talking on aim earlier, like 20 minutes ago. we were just joking around as usual, then she started saying things where i couldn't tell if she was being serious or not, so i was just continuing to joke around.... let me fill you in on stuff.... im dating a drummer from a local band, we have been together for about 8 months now, if you want to know how we met & stuff, just look at my first post ever... my best friend is a drummer, so we were at first arguing (jokingly) which was better, to be a drummer, or to be "romantically linked" to a drummer. now since my bf is in a band, they have a website with a guestbook & my friend writes in it & she asked the band to answer that question...well my bf said that of course drummers were the best lovers in the world so he would have to agree with me... so thats one part of the story...

 

another part is that she really likes this other local band called Headlok... & she wrote in my bf's band that headlok was the best local band ever...

so here's our convo...(remember, we started joking around, then she seems to get serious, but since we started out joking, i kept joking around)

ME: so why would you write in dane's (my bf) band's site that headlok is the greatest local band, way to boost their bands self esteem!

FRIEND: cause its true, they need to know

FRIEND: do you think it boosted my self esteem when dane took your side?

ME: well, i don't see why it wouldn't

FRIEND: that's obvious because you don't care about me & thats the sad part

ME: (not being able to tell if she's serious or not) whatev.

FRIEND: see you do care about me, note sarcasm, its always dane over me

ME: your right, i do care about you

FRIEND: yeah, well i have to go watch a tv show

 

ok, so she left before i got a chance to ask her anything about it....from your opinion, does it sound like shes a little upset with me?? im so confused...

[materia_goddess]

hey there enadevoli

 

woah, complex. i think i understand though. it sounds like your a bit confused about your friend right now.

 

thats the awful thing about the internet. when i was talking to my friend, it is very hard to insinuate that your angry with them without actually saying straight out "im so angry with you!". the feeling im getting is that your friends feeling like she's been put 2nd place to your bf.

 

this happened to me. my bestfriend had a bf over the internet, and when we talked 3way, i was always ignored. i didnt actually want to say i was angry, but wanted to hint it. they never noticed and eventually id just leave out of the blue! i think your friend was trying to tell you something. she moved from joking quickly, but she wanted to see how you'd respond to that. just quickly asking you who you value more, here or him, you replied "whatever". i know you were probably unaware, but thats probably sealed the deal for her.

 

my advice is to make sure your not putting your bf first. when you have to choose (even with small things like both have called you) make sure friendship is first. relationships will come and go, but good friends are there forever! so make sure your there for her! perhaps letting her know that she's first, and that you wont let anything come between your friendship. try and imagine yourself in her shoes. im sure if she payed more attention to a guy you'd feel a little left out too.

 

like me, she might be peaved for a while or a little distant, but if you let her know where you stand, and that it was a big misunderstanding, she should be right!

 

~friendship first, bf second~

 

*+*+*Materia_Goddess*+*+*

[enadevoli]

update: so i was talking to my friend again last night. even though we live a block away, we have this thing we talk online every night. so, she came back on & was acting all normal, but i wanted to know what she meant by the stuff she said, so i just asked if she was being serious because i was just confused about it & she said "yeah, you, me, the world, its all confusing." then she said "ive been thinking, but i don't want to talk about it now because i don't want to be in a bad mood" then i said "thinking in a good way, or what" and she said "i just feel like every one is leaving me out, but i don't want to talk about it."

 

so, im confused. i want to talk to her about this because if something is bothering her, she needs to tell me. also, i don't see how im putting her second... i know thats what every one says but my bf goes to college an hour away from home, so i only see him at least once a week. saturdays are the days that i go visit him & thats how its always been. every once in awhile he comes home for the weekends, so then i hang out with him the whole time, & sometimes my friend even comes a long. i see my friend every single day. my friend told me a couple weeks ago that she was jealous of me having a bf & before me & my bf started dating, she would always try to make me not hang out with him & ever since i have known him, she doesn't really want much to do with him.