Help, im driving myself insane

[bobsiesprincess]

My boyfriend of 2 years split up with me 3 1/2 weeks ago. The break up was so quick - like a 10 min convo then i was so hysterical i couldnt talk, i feel like i have no closure. Basically hes needs space, hes confused, doesnt know how he feels any more, scared of hurting me in the future, doesnt know what he wants from life or where hes going, feeling a bit tied down so young i think, scared of the committment. All I can think on is getting him back. But hes going out all the time drinking with his friends and not talking about it or thinking about it (thats how he deals with everything but it hurts!)

 

For the first year our relationship was perfect -like somn out a fairytale. The way he looked at me i know he adored me. The next year he worked full time i worked nights and had uni so we had not alot of time for each other. We didnt communicate as well with each other and got into a bit of a rut (not seeing friends as much, sitting in instead of going out). I feel like such a failure for not seeing he was unhappy and changing things. If i had wed still be together now.

 

I know I have to give him his space that he wants (havent been in contact for 2 weeks now) but im thinking on sending him a letter in a few weeks saying all the things I need to say that i didnt get the chance to. Im just so frustrated i know hes made a mistake and i want him to realise. Our relationship is so fixable and it kills me that hes just giving up without putting much thought into it. Hes admitted it was a bit of a rush decision.

 

All i need is a 2nd chance and things could be so different and we would have a better stronger relationship

 

What to do ppl? I really need him back, hes the one. I love him with all my heart and I cant lose him. I need to put up a fight. heeeelp.

[thouse]

I would not shoulder all the blame for what has happened. I also know when you start to try and convince a man that the relationship is fixable that he ismaking a mistake that drives them further away, or they feel guilty for hurting you so they come back but not on the right pretenses. I know this may hurt you, but just because you feel like you guys are right for each other and that he's making a mistake by leaving, that doesn't mean he feels the same way. We tend to assume that just because we feel a certain way that the other party has to feel the same also and that just is not the case.

 

I would not try to convince him of anything. I would give him the space and time he has requested, so that if he does come back it's not because you convinced him too, but because he has truly figured out that with you is where he wants to be. Also people will say anything if they think that is what you want to hear or if they think they can avoid hurting your feeling. Most breakups don't happen in a rushed fashion unless in the heat of an argument so believe me he had been thinking about that 10 minute conversation long before you guys actually had it. Being confident and saying I am way better than waiting on someone to decide of I am the one they want to be with is way more attractive, than trying to convince a person to stay or come back. Just my thoughts.

[lizer]

in the book 'love is tough' the prescription to 'getting them back' so to speak....was to do everything opposite of what you would normally do. granted, this was talking about married relationships, and one spouse leaving the other..but the idea is the same.

 

so thus, the letter would be a big no no. you have to give them what they wanted. if a letter was all that it took to get them back then this forum wouldnt even have to exist.

 

let me tell you something. i was with my bf for 3 years when he decided our relationship wasnt worth holding onto. and if i could do anything, i would've immediately backed the heck off as soon as my ex left me. no calls. no crying. no questions. simple sweet goodbye. and no contact from then on. unless he sucked it up and called me. you think by not doing anything that it will cause them to forget you or move on farther. but it wont.

you are unforgetable, remember that.

 

its been 6 months since he left me. and i still want to fight for him just the same as you do girl. believe me. i love him and would prefer to never date any other person in my entire life... i just want him. but theres really no way to 'fight' for them. the best fight is to back off. and disappear. if anything will make you more unforgetable, it will be that sole tactic. seriously.

boys are quite simple creatures. sometimes retarded. but simple.

and they cant deal with too much all at once.

that simple act of him realizing that you, for some reason, seem to not care.. will drive him wild.

[in_love]

boys are quite simple creatures. sometimes retarded. but simple.

 

haha

 

Ok we are retarded and simple?

 

bobsiesprincess

 

If you want your ex back do nothing simple as that. What can you do? When the ex calls just be honest and straight but NEVER lower yourself or crawl. Just be honest and straight, if remaining friends it too hard tell the ex to leave you alone, if the ex doesnt leave you alone (like mine) then just let them call away and always ask "why are you calling", I mean answer the call if you want, but if you have said "dont call me again unless you want to get back" then by all means when they call immediately ask "why are you calling?". You not only get your self respect back and switch everything over to them, what I mean is they are calling YOU right? if you ask immediately why they are calling you are shifting the "blame". By no means pretend to be a "buddy" if you cant handle it. Just be pretty straight and to the point!

 

Dont play the buddy act, ask why they are calling (if they call) and remian in control. Let them call away but if you really cant cope with answering then just dont answer.

 

Basically, what I am trying to say is dont allow yourself to become a doormat! You set the rules and you dictate the nature of everything, dont crawl or pine, if you love em yea for sure tell them but just tell them differently!!!! - "look, EX, I love you and all but you are really bugging the life out of me everytime you call, would you stop calling and let me get you out of my system".

 

I've kinda said this twice now and still get calls.... hmmm.... very strange!

 

 

[TijuanaJones]

Hi there!

 

Trust me, the best thing to do is COMPLETELY disappear from his life, and I mean no calls (don't even answer his phone calls, or change the number), don't use your myspace, facebook, etc *specially do this one, believe me, that was my ex's primary source of info about me*, block and delete him from MSN, change your routine, avoid physical contact, even if that means changing gyms or hangouts.

 

My ex called me after months of NC, it gave me time to heal, so when we met again, the sparks flew again and we're probably will end up together.

She told me I was so hard to get, and that she realized what a fool she was for leaving me. Have you heard people say that "Absense makes the heart grow fonder"?... well, it's true...

[Cindersam]

Tijuana,

 

Did you do any talking / calling after the break up or did you go straght into NC?

 

How many months did you do NC before the ex called?

 

Thanks!

[TijuanaJones]

Tijuana,

 

Did you do any talking / calling after the break up or did you go straght into NC?

 

How many months did you do NC before the ex called?

 

Thanks!

 

Hi there!

 

I went straight into NC after the breakup, only to break it on and off the first couple of months, until I found out about Enotalone.com

 

Then, after my ex broke up with her rebound bf, we talked again, we agreed to be just friends, but then I decided I didn't need to have her as a friend, so I went on strict NC for 3 months, and she broke it when she called last week. I answered by mistake, but even then I was sure that there is nothing she can do to make me feel bad again. I already had learned to live without her... For me it was a win-win situation. At the end I came out on top. The beauty of it is that you do your own thing while time brews up a comeback... or not.