Girlfriend lied to me...and won't admit it.

[cobro]

My girlfriend has been worrying me lately. Her ex called her earlier in the week and she told me he left her a message and she called him back. I was kind of worried, but thanked her for being honest and telling me she talked to him. She says she doesn't have any feelings for him. Today she told me he called again and left her a message, but she says she didn't call him back because she didn't want to talk to him too often. Okay, I was still worried but thanked her again for being honest. Well a few hours later I got curious and went through her call log in her cell phone, and saw his number under dialed calls! She called him? I confronted her with this and she wouldn't admit it! It's right there on the phone, she called him. I asked her why she was lying, earlier she told me she didn't call him back, when it was clear that she did. So she got upset and still won't admit it. What's her deal? All I asked for was honesty and this is what I get. A blatant lie. We were out with friends, so I got up and left after she wouldn't admit anything. She calls me 30 minutes later and asked if we are broken up, I said i don't know, we will talk later. So my big question is, should this be a warning sign of things to come? Why would she lie, does she still have feelings for him? I am so close to breaking up with her if these trust problems persist. Argh, what do I do?

 

cobro

[Mar]

Hmm, this is a hard one......granted, you shouldn't have gone through her phone log, since that's spying on her, but you DID find out she'd lied, and continued to lie when confronted with clear evidence, thereforeeee admitting you were spying (in some odd way).

 

It's truly up to you. If she can't be at least honest enough to TELL you she called him when faced with the "damning evidence", so to speak, then it's a judgement call on your part. I was in a similar situation with my guy......he lied and said he didn't spend bill money on stuff that appeared in the house, and I then found a receipt in his pocket that was for the items in question! Difference being, he was man enough to admit he'd lied because he didn't want me to be mad at him, forgetting that, when busted, I'd be WAY more mad than I'd be if he'd just told me he'd done it!

 

I think this might be the case with your girl.....she already feels bad that she was in contact with her ex, but doesn't want to compound the problem and possibly lose you if she admits that she called him back. Well, she did and now it's up to you. If she can't admit to her wrongs, even now after thinking about it, then you have to wonder if you can be happy with someone who can hide things from you. I got over it and flat-out told my guy I would toss his butt out if I caught him lying to me like that again, and told him that ANYTHING he confessed to me was better than lying to me and me finding out about it later. So he's been honest when he's messed up and told me. Yeah, I might get upset, but I appreciate the fact that he trusts me now to come to me with it instead of hiding it.

 

If you can't get this same sort of idea through your girlfriend's head, then it's up to you.....do you stay with her based on her word that she won't do it again, if she can't admit it now? I hate to say "break up with her, don't trust her," but it's that whole fact of being presented with the evidence that she called and couldn't even 'fess up to that! Maybe you could just give her time to think about this and what she wants. And let her know how you feel about it, which I'm sure you have already.

 

I don't know, I can't really say either way what to do, because it's a tough situation! But overall, go with your gut......if you think that you'll be doubting her word down the road, it's only going to cause problems for you. If you think you'll second-guess everything she tells you as the truth, it's going to cause a LOT of fights. But if you can let it go as a mistake, then do so and stay with her ONLY if you know you won't throw it back in her face at another point, in another argument about something else completely!

 

Mar

[hatepr]

First of all as Mar said that U shouldnt have spied on her. Even if you found out, she probably just didnt wanted u to know that she talked to her ex bcoz she might have thought that u would have taken it otherwise. She just didnt wanted u to be troubled or worried bcoz of her. She was honest with u before so u should give her another chance. She couldnt have feelings for ex as she told u before that he called .