What happens if a breakup leaves you friendless/supportless?

[marthasunny]

My brother just broke up with his girlfriend Amy of 4 years. They met in high school. She just graduated from high school and is working at a local store with no plans to attend college.

 

Anyway, during the 4 years of their relationship, his girlfriend spent more and more time around our house. She lost track of her friends years ago and became more like a "house sitter" at my parents' home. My brother, on the other hand, was able to maintain his friendships. These are friendships with individual who do not like Amy and, thus, do not plan to see her. Amy has several social skill problems like rudeness that seem to keep her from making long-term friends.

 

Now that my brother's relationship with Amy is over, Amy has no idea where to go. She has no friends and only her mother in the nearby area. Amy is devastated, and I'm too busy right now (literally) to make time for her. I'd love to, and I can't.

 

How do you suggest Amy be helped? Right now, she is incredible devastated.

[faeriechyld]

Hello there,

 

I understand your brother and his girlfriend broke up recently. I also understand that your brother's now ex is at a loss for support as she lacks friends and nearby family members.

 

First of all, I'd like to commend you for trying to help this girl as best as possible. That's quite admirable considering she is your brother's ex and you don't have any responsibility to her. You must be an incredibly kind and caring person. Good job!

 

Now, as far as what to do to help her. Does she have the internet? If so, send her here. *grins* We will surely help her on a more personal level than just through you.

 

Otherwise, she can discuss this as much as possible with her mother, but she could also seek professional help. It's not easy to gain friends when you are suffering like Amy is as being social is not desirable. I think she has more than she realizes in you as you have come to others on her behalf.

 

One thing you could suggest to her is to take some time to really think on the problems you listed her having. Perhaps she could really be her own support group if she began to look more inward to find the true person that she is. I know that during a break up, people need support from others as they cannot support themselves, however, I also know that the more support she can offer herself, the stronger a person she will be.

 

If she has nowhere else to go, she is always welcome here. I do strongly encourage you to send her to this forum if she can because everyone here is willing and able to offer her the support and advice she seeks.

 

I hope this helped! Best wishes!

[marthasunny]

Thank you for the message so far. Thanks for caring enough to post something!

 

I like your idea of using the internet, but Amy does not have internet available to her. As for therapy, I think that it would be difficult for her to get some since she only has limited insurance and a rather poor-paying job. Her mom isn't that well off either.

 

Yes, the statement about needing to look within yourself is perfectly true. By dealing with her issues and turning her strength inward, Amy would become a stronger person. It's just very difficult to do that without positive role models during a very trying time. I think that individuals are more likely to grow when they go through a loss but are surrounded by a supportive environment. Support is one are in which Amy can surround herself by one a few people. She doesn't have friends and has very few family members in the nearby area.

 

Any other ideas? I'm afraid of what might happen to Amy unless some type of intervention is performed.