i need help to save my relationship

[jessie27407]

I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and our sex life has gone downhill but at the same time his internet porn viewing has increased!!! The first 6 months we were together we had sex like rabbits all the time!Then, we moved in together. Almost instantly the sex decreased then it got to a point (after 6 more mths) that it was every couple mths.....It has only been 4 times in 2003!...Over the last 3-6 months the foreplay has stopped too!!..I used to give him a BJ or jack him off once a week or so...I honestly cannot tell you the last time i made him cum!!!..There is always an excuse....I'm tired, i don't feel good, it will take too long...At the same time, he has been looking at porn every day!!!!..He has been doing this since we moved in together and it has always been a problem for me but since there is no sexual contact going on with us it alarms me more. I work 1st shift and he works 2nd...He gets on the PC as soon as i walk out the door in the morning for at least 1-2 hours per day.....The aspect that has sent me over the edge is realizing that i haven't touched him in months and he doesn't care!!!..We have been talking about this issue for over a year now...I think we maybe have talked too much!!!..I have tried to spice things up, ect..i don't know what else to do....We don't have a sexual relationship anymore and i am only 25 and he is 28...I do think he is depressed about where he is in his life but i can't see how that would make him not horny for me......I don't think he is cheating on me either...he would never do that and i am a snooper and i would know by now...please tell me what you think is wrong and what i can do!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***Remember talking isn't working and either is spicing it up!*****

[leanmean16]

if he is depressed about his life, then that certainly will put him in a non-sexual type of mood.

 

if talking to him about it isnt working and he isnt cheating on you, but is visiting the straight guys and lesbians kinda porno sites, then it is sadly possible he might no longer find you sexually attractive, ESPECIALLY if you have tried to spice things up and he hasnt batted an eyelid. did anything happen to start this downward slump or was it just gradual?

[jessie27407]

well, i had some female problems and had my period for 7 weeks straight...during that time we didn't have sex at al and that was right before the decrease...he said our relationship just went to another level and we don't need to have sex all the time like we used to....i also have gained about 30 lbs since the decrease started so that may be a reason too...he has no problem satisfying me when i want him too he just never wants it in return...what does this mean?

[russia]

looks bad. i hope you are doing the right sort of snooping. cos many things can be hidden on the internet. - chats, real & virtual girlfriends

 

he's only showing the tip of the iceberg - porn.

 

of course, porn alone is already bad enough, cos comparing a dream girl and you, it's a no-win situation for you. putting on weight doesn't help either.

 

so do what you can do first. get rid of the excess weight (i am on a diet myself) and then start to dress attractively again not for him, for yourself!

 

there's something, i don't know if you can do it - surf porn with him. it's called finding common ground. you probably can't make him do things with you that you like. or even things both of you like. but if you do things he likes, then you might be able to pull him back. maybe even be more adventurous in bed - do the male fantasy stuff.

 

but your shift hours don't permit that. can you change so your shift is the same as his?

[wonderer]

Well, I have news for you and it's not good news. The reason he is looking at porn and not having sex w/ you is because he is getting off in front of his computer and he has nothing left for you. Take it from me because I continue to go through it, although it's not to the extent that you talk about. You need to get on the internet and do some research on masturbation addiction (yes, there is such a thing). Do the research and you will find that it fit's your boyfriend to a tee.

 

Please remember that this is NOT your problem; it is his. However, because he refuses to have sex with you it has become your problem. Realize though that you can't let your self esteem be affected by this. These men actually believe that they are doing no wrong. They also think that even though they are fantasizing about beautiful women and masturbating that we, their partners should not be threatened by it.

 

Do your research and then make a decision as to what you will do, but keep in mind that this is an addiction and it will ALWAYS be there. Good luck and if you need help and/or advice just let me know. I think I've read everything there is on this ugly topic.