I want to learn to forgive.

[classy_cat]

Some people I work with are angry at me, for reasons that where beyond my control. I don't fully understand why they are angry, but I do know that I don't deserve it. They have been very cold to me. They will talk to me when they need something from me, but they no longer want to socialize with me.

 

It especially hurts when I see them chumming up with other people, and seem very happy with them, but if I come into the picture, they turn on the cold.

 

Don't get me wrong, I do have enough people with whom I am on friendly terms with. I also know that my happiness is my responsiblity. That is why I want to figure out a systemtic way to forgive these people. I know that I won't be able to change their minds, so I want to change mine.

 

Any ideas?

[Princess777]

Hello!

 

I have always said that I go to work to make money, not friends. Keep that in mind and they won't bother you nearly as much. As for forgiving them, it doesn't sound to me like you have to forgive them for anything....they're the ones being childish. Believe me, most places have a clique of people like that. I had a similar situation where I used to work. I just confronted each person and asked them if they had a problem with me, and if so, I'd like to know what it is. People don't have a lot to say when you are in their face. And if they do, then you can stand up for yourself, tell them the way it is, and they will respect you a lot more after that. Try it!

 

Princess777

[setsuko1981]

So what if they're mad at you (you can't please every people you work with), ignore them you're just giving yourself a nosebleed. You did mention that you have some other people that you are friends with. So, why not concentrate on those people who like you and are friends with you?

 

Everywhere you go (workplace or not), not every people you meet/work with will like you. It doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you, it might also mean that you do not possess the qualities that they're looking for in a friend.

 

ONE OF MY FAVORITE QUOTES:

 

"I do not know what the formula for success is, but I do know the formula for failure; TRYING TO PLEASE EVERYONE."

[classy_cat]

Thanks you both for your insights. I understand what you are saying and for the most part, I am trying to do that.

 

I am not trying to please them. I agree also that it is mainly their problem, not mine. But it still hurts to be treated so, especially when I don't think I deserve it.

 

Today when I realized I was feeling sorry for myself, I knew that I had to pick myself up and snap out of it. As I said before, I know that I cannot change these people, and I am not even going to try. But I want to change my attitude so that it no longer has power over me. That is when the idea came to me that if I could forgive them, I would feel better. It dosen't matter if they know about it, acknowledge it, or even care. It is not about them, it is about me. If I forgive, it dosen't make it right how they treat me, but it will help me feel better. The problem is, I am a step by step kind of person. It is one thing to say, I want to forgive someone, it is another thing to do it.

[blackswan]

Some people are just not worth forgiving. Some things just have to walk out for you to continue your life. It's theirs & not your problem, put it on yourself will only make your life harder. Try to be happy & don't worry about forgiving, time will resolve it all.

 

I understand it's a sad thing & you are probably grieving over it. I was & still am in the same situation. I chose to walk pass them when I see them talk secrets. I go talk to those who can make me happy even though it's less time but it's true happiness. After all people stick to their own kind & I don't treasure a friend who told me it's better to be selfish. I've been told I'm so unselfish & I like it this way. I have friends who come to care for me. I also take it in my hands who I want to care.

 

Good luck