sex therapy

[seashoremaine]

Has anyone here gone to a therapist or to some sort of counseling to help deal issues related to lack of desire or difference in libido between partners?

 

If so was it helpful? What sort of things did they talk with you about? What suggestions did they provide?

 

Thanks,

-J

[Beec]

No, but I think it would be my last resort. It's my understanding that sex thereapy often involves someone having sex with another person.

[seashoremaine]

You mean besides your partner? That's not the impression I got at all (though I have heard of therapies that involve that).

 

"Honey, The Dr. said I have to have sex with her. What do you want me to do?"

 

Can you say "lead balloon"!

 

-J

[Beec]

Yes, that would not fly with me.

 

I think you have to think about and perhaps learn about what works to motivate people. You've been asking him for sex, and that's not working for you. It often does not. You are taking a direct approach to getting him to do something, and that's usually a mistake. The first step to any seduction is to make an indirect approach. Moreover, you are also undermining the movtiavtion that can come from something being difficult to obtain. If you ask someone for sex, they can get it at will, which makes the sex less rare, less valueable, and less wanted.

[RayKay]

Yeah, I certainly have NEVER heard of sex therapy usually having you have sex with another person (maybe in porn...lol).

 

Generally, they try to work on rebuilding the intimacy/chemistry/connection. I have not gone personally, but do have a couple married friends whom have tried it. For them, for a while, they were actually told NOT to have sex as they worked on rebuilding the chemistry - trying to take them back to as if they were dating, and bringing in "play" without the sex at the end, but also strengthening the emotional intimacy. In one case, it was coupled with individual therapy as one of the partners had severe sexual issues from childhood experiences.

 

It probably depends on the reasons for going though what they recommend.

[Cimmie]

sex therapy as part of couples therapy tries to address the issues lying behind the sexual difficulties in the couple relationship. It certainly doesn't involve counselling anyone to have sex with other people, which would kind of defeat the object of the exercise.

 

Sex problems are usually about other things - sex is the arena in which difficulties between a couple become most apparent. So it may help you to uncover the real source of the problem.

[Beec]

Well, glad I was mistaken.

[seashoremaine]

Beec: Thanks for the response. I almost always take the indirect approach. Almost always results in nothing. I only use the direct approach when I'm desperate. If I was never having sex I would be divorced. No question about it. Because of this, asking for it occasionally is what keeps the marriage bearable in that area.

 

I think the most compelling thing about therapy in my mind is having an unbiased, 3rd party who can provide objective feedback. I also think this setting would force my wife to be more honest whats going on since all I ever get out of her are excuses. I need therapies to make it happen next time, not why it did not happen this time.

 

Still hoping to hear from someone who has had first hand experience with sex therapy in this area...

 

-J