why can't he say i love you to me?

[blondechicky101]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 3 years now. When we first started dating "love" came up. He had been in a bad relationship before me and him where he was with the girl for over 4 years and she broke his heart. He told me that he would never love someone again until he knew that was the person he was going to marry. So now its been over 3 years and he hasnt said "i love you" to me. Then about a month ago, he asked me if I loved him and I said why do you? and he told me he did and so I told him I loved him too. And he never said it to me again. So I asked him a couple weeks ago "do you love me?" and he told me no. He said he cares about me alot but he doesn't love me. I was heartbroken, I told him I didn't know if I could be with him because we had been together for so long and I can't be with someone that I love and they don't love me back.. He told me that he still wants to be with me and he doesnt want to break up. We are still together but the only thing is its hard for me being with him when I know he doesnt feel the same way about me. Does any one have any advice for me??? Why can't he love me and should I continue to be with him?

[Mar]

Honey, you've been awfully patient for a really, really long time. If you asked him if he loved you and he could honestly tell you to your face that he didn't, after 3 years of you putting your heart into this relationship, it's time to cut your losses and leave him. Are you going to invest your heart for someone who can tell you that, after 3 years, he just can't get up the emotions you need? I'd hope not. Granted, he had a bad experience before you...but if he's THAT insecure in his emotions, he never should have asked you out and invested that much time in you only to break your heart, if he wasn't sure he could give you his.

 

Let him go. Let him realize the huge difference between what he had before you, and what he had WITH you, and maybe that'll put things into perspective for him. It hurts for YOU, without question, but salvage your pride and find someone who CAN love you, for all you give them, all you can share with them, and all they can with YOU AS WELL. You're denying yourself a true, trusting, loving relationship over someone who doesn't realize how special the woman he has in his life is!

 

Mar

[materia_goddess]

sorry but im going to have to agree with mar

 

if after 3 years he is not willing to express the feelings you need, and have given to him, then its not a true relationship.

 

a true relationship always involves full co operation from both parties, and he's not keeping his end of the bargain. i understand that this is a hard thing to do, and in the end it is all your own choice, and we are nothing but opinions and advice. however, you should always consider your own heart and how its being treated. from what i gather, he's not respecting your heart properly. he's unwilling to give his love to you, but he wants you to stay. asking you to do this is selfish, and will hold you back from what you truly deserve.

 

my advice is to find someone who feels for you the way you feel for them and is true enough to show it. not meaning to be cliche' and stealing quotes from movies but 'the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is to love and be loved in RETURN'

 

~take care and follow your heart~

[blondechicky101]

Thanks so much for your replies. I guess my question now is why did he say I love you to me and then a week later tell me he doesnt???

[materia_goddess]

hmm that is weird. my guess would be that he's confused about his feelings. perhaps afraid to show his true ones, or afraid to lose you. but i still remain strong to my point. his uncertainty and insercurity is affecting you and will cause you unecessary heartache.

telling you he loves you to keep you, then later denying that love and still trying to keep you in very unfair. dont stand for that kind of treatment.

 

confront him and tell him straight that you love him, and that if he cant return these feelings then you will find someone else who will. make him aware of what you want. you cant tag along with him because he is unsure, and wait for the time when he is sure. after waiting this time, he still might not feel the same. you deserve better.

[Mar]

I have to agree....be up-front and let him know that you've invested a lot of time and emotion into this relationship, and that you feel cheated in that you're not getting it back. It's not fair of him to expect that you're going to blithely keep on keepin' on, as the saying goes, and just blindly follow him wherever he wants the relationship to go.

 

Let him know that you love him, that you've trusted him, that you've believed in him, and that now, with this most recent confession of his in not loving you, you feel like you're not getting the 1/2 of the feeling back that you should be. It's only fair, and he should understand this, and certainly have no cause to be angry about it!

 

You've done nothing wrong in this relationship, and, really, neither has he, besides saying he loved you if he didn't have his heart truly into it. Granted, that's a pretty low thing to do, but he truly might have meant it right that very second, and might mean it STILL, but is just unsure of how to express it.

 

Best you can do is talk to him. You won't know anything until you do. Lay it out for him and let him know that you love him, but that you're not going to stay with someone who can't invest the emotions you do! Good luck to you, I really hope it works out for you....

[SunnyScott]

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through, but this guy sounds like he's b/s-ing you. Just b/c he's been hurt before does NOT mean that he could openly love you.

 

When guys say that, I think that it's a cop out. Don't buy into the "oh, i love this so and so girl and then she broke my heart, so now i can't be serious with anyone"

 

If it's been 3 years, and his emotions are still luke warm, then it sounds like it's not really going anywhere.

 

It may hurt now, but you are better than that. So, let him know how you feel, and leave.

 

If he comes back, then maybe he cared, but you need someone who will reciprocate the same amount of love for you...

 

Best of luck okay...you'll be okay!