A Complex Situation, who sees clearly in all this?

[OmegaMan]

Hello all, got some perspective advice to share? Read this one, It's complex but I'm sure some of you will see clearer in this than I do.

 

I'm not in such a great mood today though. You know I'm a very nice person. Why am I that way? I don't know, comes naturally, I don't like being an ass to other people. I sometimes feel people will tend to take advantage of that. I tend to give quite lot, my time, my possessions, my advices or whatever. I'm not being negative in any ways, I respect the fact that I'm sad to today, and I'm living this emotion to it's fullest, probably will go away quicklier that way. The reason I'm feeling bad is this friend I have. She always makes me feel bad about me. I didn't notice at first, but she always (very often) tends to me make me feel bad about me. I think that's because she feels bad about herself. But the thing is, I'm too nice to tell her to shut up or to tell her straigth out that she isn't acting like a friend. I also lend her my parking at my appartment so she can save money. But the thing is, every once in a while, I take a ride with her to Quebec (from Chicoutimi) and she charges me the same price as everyone else. Isn't it strange that I'm paying as much money as everyone else when I lend her my parking for free so she can save some? This upsets me very much so, yes very much so. I wish I was meaner sometimes, more of a badass. The same situation happened with another person I met in the first semestre, he took advantage of me and made me feel bad about me, still I stuck with him. Where's the logic behind that? I don't want to be hangry, this resolves nothing. I don't want to hate either. I'll just try to avoid her more often I think. A shame some people act like that, isn't? Why do they? Why do they think that putting people down will make them feeling any better.

 

Also, I've met this girl recently. She's very beautiful, intelligent and talented. I think I'm in her league, but I often feel insecure next to her. Then I get upset at me for being insecure. It's like I know she can feel it and that pisses me off as I have the feeling I've failed with her and it's too late now. Come to think of it, I'm quite confident with women I'm not interested in, but for those I like, I'm lost for words. Anyone else feels that way? I went to dinner with that girl and her friend, and I was fine then, I made the whole crowd laugh and she touched me quite often and I heard this was a sign of affection somewhere. Here's some more information. I didn't use to know this girl but my friend of mine talked to me about her. My friend, let's call her x, mentionned she was going out with this guy, y, but I knew this guy physically abused women. So I went straigth to her (the girl I like) and told her she was in danger. All in all, I managed to get her out of a very bad situation. Unfortunately this made our first meeting odd. This feeling of uneasiness carried on, since the first time we met was very special. I know she thinks I'm very handsome and funny too. As shit, why does it stays there Goddamit.

 

That is all, readers, if you feel like you have some opinion on the situation, do type it here so I can get some perspective on this whole situation. I've done my best to help other members to the best of my knowledge, but this time around, I'm stuck. I don't know what to do about this one. I'm usually able to find my own solutions, but I'm confused here. Is it too late for the girl I like? Should I get rid off my so-called friend? Should I talked to her about it?

 

Thank you so much for anything you have to say,

 

Etienne, aka Omega Man

 

[DoorMouse]

I'm not going to suggest that you become more of a jerk, but do become a little more assertive in matters. As for the girl who's using your parking, but charging you the same for a road trip, be assertive and REMIND her who's space she's using. If she doesn't want to play nice and acknowledge your kindness, direct her in the way of the Salvation Army. As for girl x, remind her again that you know the individual she's seeing and he's abusive, and you don't want to see her get hurt. But remember not all people learn the first time around, but definitally keep an eye on her. If she starts coming up and any unusual bruising, see what you can do as to getting her out of that relationship. Be her friend first and see what grows from there. Dating is like planting flowers, the slower one grows, the more beautiful it is.

[russia]

sorry if my advice is different from doormouse

 

i think you're an ok guy. and it's ok to be taken advantage of. let's look at it objectively, as men do.

 

1. carpark vs. paying her for trips. the carpark is free. it didn't cost you anything. so paying for your trip is normal cost. it would be nice to get a discount or freebie. but even if you didn't, because you didn't charge her for your carparking space, you can kick her out anytime! so if in the future a cuter and more pliable girl with carpark problems comes along, i think you know what to do

 

2. friends who slag you all the time. DUMP THEM QUICK. unless the only friends you can find are those. then, er, keep them until you can replace them with better models

 

3. same league, dunno what to do? for your info, that's normal reaction. mathematically, it's expressed as:

men with women of higher league = no confidence

men with women of same league = low confidence

men with women of lower league = confidence

 

and since you have no hope, why not give it a try? you have nothing to lose, everything to gain. good luck!

[OmegaMan]

Thanks for both replies. I think replying to other people's post is the best way to assure that, they, in the future, also reply to other people's post, and so on, and so on.

 

Russia: First of all, I would like to thank you for your time and concern. This is appreciated and know that should you ever need advice, I'll do my best to help out.

 

1. carpark vs. paying her for trips. the carpark is free. it didn't cost you anything. so paying for your trip is normal cost. it would be nice to get a discount or freebie. but even if you didn't, because you didn't charge her for your carparking space, you can kick her out anytime! so if in the future a cuter and more pliable girl with carpark problems comes along, i think you know what to do

 

Well the parking does cost me something as It's part of my rent. You're right, I will kick her out. She's not bringing me anything but negative perspectives. I've had enough on this one. The problem with being nice is that you always try to understand people and try not to get upset. But enough is enough, she is the weakest link, and she has to go.

 

2. friends who slag you all the time. DUMP THEM QUICK. unless the only friends you can find are those. then, er, keep them until you can replace them with better models

 

I do have some very good friends, I don't even see why I bother with her in the first place. It's funny because my life is based on logic, and being friend with someone who makes me feel bad is hardly logic at all now is it?

 

3. same league, dunno what to do? for your info, that's normal reaction. mathematically, it's expressed as:

men with women of higher league = no confidence

men with women of same league = low confidence

men with women of lower league = confidence

 

Lol, love the equation (the mathematical one ). That's actually very simple and yet quite true.. quite true. Very interesting, thanks!

 

Doormouse Thank you for your advice and your interest.

 

I'm not going to suggest that you become more of a jerk, but do become a little more assertive in matters. As for the girl who's using your parking, but charging you the same for a road trip, be assertive and REMIND her who's space she's using. If she doesn't want to play nice and acknowledge your kindness, direct her in the way of the Salvation Army. As for girl x, remind her again that you know the individual she's seeing and he's abusive, and you don't want to see her get hurt. But remember not all people learn the first time around, but definitally keep an eye on her. If she starts coming up and any unusual bruising, see what you can do as to getting her out of that relationship. Be her friend first and see what grows from there. Dating is like planting flowers, the slower one grows, the more beautiful it is.

 

I agree with your suggestion that I become more assertive, and by god It will come with time. I realize it is quite hard to be free to be what we want to be nowadays. I think I'm afraid of the reaction other will have. I feel better though when I say what I think openly then silently nod to something I disagree with.

 

I have to be honest though, I did offer her my parking space in the first place. Maybe I shouldn't have assumed that she would give me something back in exchange, I should have said flat out what my intentions were, I will next time.

 

As for the whole relationship issue, I'm afraid my post wasn't as clear as it could have. Here's a better explaination of how it went:

 

The Characters Some names were modified to assure confidentiality.

 

Me, Etienne (the good guy O

Gen, my friend

Ann, Gen's friend which I think is awesome

Nicolas, the violent guy, i.e. the bad guy

Marie, my ex-girlfriend, who got physically abused by Nicolas

 

1.Marie went out with Nicolas for 7 years of suffering and violence.

2. I met my friend Gen and we became close quickly

3. Gen talked me about her friend Ann who was dating Nicolas. I investigated and as it turns out, it was the same Nicolas that hurt Marie.

4. I warned Gen and she asked me to talk to Ann, which I did. But this was her first contact with me, like me warning her about her boyfriend.

5. Ann finally believed me and ended her relationship with the guy

6. Time went bye. But from that day on, we always felt uneasy being together Ann and I, which is a shame as I saved (don't take the term literally) from violence and suffering. I feel like I'm not getting an appropriate behaviour coming from her. Am I right? Couldn't she at least have mentionned something about it? Maybe she just feels bad that I know what happened to her. Who knows?

 

So, I hope this make more sense. I don't know how to dissipate this not at ease feeling.

 

Etienne