I wrote this about my death/long ago.

[Bonzophuebes1]

I wrote this a long time ago, what do you all think?

 

Looking At Myself

 

My bare feet walk on the grass:

Stepping on stones, I hope the pain will pass.

Creeping up to my bed,

I stare at me while I sleep.

I reach down and touch my forehead,

it feels so cold, I begin to weep.

 

Passing by a mirror,

I stop and look at me.

I stare in fear,

wondering who it is looking back at me.

I notice the mirror image leave

and my soul has lost its sleeve.

 

The sound of a gunshot fills my ears,

I pull my hands up to cover the noise.

I see the blood bleed from my heart,

dripping to the ground with an echo.

I fall to the ground and clutch my heart

but is has been chained from the start.

 

I cry out to me as I try to take my life.

Not getting through, I now see me die.

I reach for my hand but it slips by.

I watch myself hit the floor,

my eyes begin to close.

Where i'm going, nobody knows.

 

I watch my soul get ripped from my heart,

the barbed wired around it is now my home.

I try to break free,

the wire digs into me.

So confined, cannot get out.

This pain is too much to bare.

 

I watch the preacher say a prayer

as he raises his hands to the sky.

He says "Lord as you take this child"

I turn and look at the ground,

I see a coffin under a shady tree.

I move closer to see, I begin to cry

when I see it is me.

 

So empty is my spirit

as I watch it fly in confusion.

Not knowing whether to up or down.

Crying it falls to the ground.

I run to help me face my fear,

by the time I reach me, I disappear.

 

Now I see me in the grave,

the dirt begins to fill the hole.

I try to get out but I am not that strong.

The light I saw has now turned black.

I have watched myself die,

I am never coming back.

[girl friend]

Thats beautiful.

 

But are you suicidal?

Are you religious as well come to that?

 

I wonder what hidden factors motivate you to create such beautiful work.

[Master Sasori]

What are your feelings about it? I personally think that life is precious to give and receive, Its a constant climb out of negativity tho if you want to become happy.

[Bonzophuebes1]

Well, I wrote this long ago, some 18 years ago. Not so suicidal anymore, though I still do not want to be on this earth. I just do not want to exsist. I never have. I will do nothing to expedite my exscape from it though. I live in a constant cloud of dissaray. Meandering through this life without much purpose. Not wanting a purpose either. Just being is enough that it makes me sick. I will find no solace here.

[ycmanvs]

You'll find it here, on this website.

[Bonzophuebes1]

Yes, sometimes I do. However, seeing some of the things people post just makes me wonder why we are here? What is the point? Other times I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. I tried though, I have no tears left to cry, cliche I know. Thank you ycmanvs, you always cheer me up, even if it is a little. ;-)

[ycmanvs]

Yes, sometimes I do. However, seeing some of the things people post just makes me wonder why we are here? What is the point? Other times I just want to curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. I tried though, I have no tears left to cry, cliche I know. Thank you ycmanvs, you always cheer me up, even if it is a little. ;-)

 

YAY, I am glad to hear that. I am sooooooooooooo bored at work and this place really helps me deal with the banality that is my life at the moment.