Time to herself

[TrialsofLife]

Hi All,

I've read alot of post here latley, and I just feel the need for personal advice, maybe I'm just selfish. I guess I'll be like everyone and give a little bit of history to go along with this, sorry for the long post.

Anyway, I've met this girl that i've been seeing since Jan 1, '03. It was right after a particually bad break-up involving my ex. At that time I hit rock-bottom, drinking everynight, coming into work with handovers and sometimes drunk.

Like I was saying, I met her by chance, but I found out that I didn't think it was chance. I live in the barracks, and my neighbor just happened to ask me if I would like to go to the movie with him and his "friend" Katie. I wasn't drinking that night for some reason, so I decided sure.

Well, like that we met, we started hanging out alot, going to the movies during the weekends and stuff like that, just getting to know each other.

Well, it grew and grew, and I knew she was the one i wanted to be with for the rest of my life.

Since we were both in the military, we got deployed to Iraq. I thought about here alot, and alot of the times, it was the memory and thought of her that brought a little sense to the maddness going on around me over there.

Well, we got back, at different times. And life was great. It seemed it couln't have been better. We spent ALL of our time off of work together, every day, just about.

Then, somehow, something changed. I woulod say about 2 months ago or so, maybe longer. It seemed we got into more arguments, all about stupid things.

I guess I'll shorten it down. One night, about 2 or 3 weeks ago, I went over there, and we were talking, and she told me that, she was going to take some advice that she heard somewhere, not even about us. If its not working, get out.

Well, I was hurt, regardless to say. She said she never wanted to hurt me, and that she still cared for me alot. Said she still wanted to hang out, and be friends.

Well, I did my best to get her back. We were together alot, even when we were supposed to be apart. It wasn't as good as before, but it seemed to me that is was getting better. One night, when she dropped me off, she said it seemed that she never got anything done, that she need some time to herself tonight. I told her I'd go rent a movie, and watch it. Then she gave me one of those women hints that I am so bad at picking up. She said I t would be a good idea to get one and watch it. Right over my head. Anyway, I got one, and a little later she called, and said she was going for a walk, hint hint, so i came over and walked.

Just the other day, right after we both got frustrated at her, I was walking home, car is down now, she called me back, and we talked for a while.

She fianally said she need some time to herself, because she is still unsure about her future, about what she wants to do. Although it broke my heart, I understand. So, like alot of people here, I'm going to give her the space she wants.

I'm not sure what to do. I want to give her the space, but I also want to be there for her when she needs anything. I want her back so bad it hurts, I'm just not sure if I should still run with here like we do, or catch a ride with here still, because of what hapened last time. I told her I overslept today because I'm so confused right now. My heart was be with here as much as you can, but my head says, leave here alone, let her decide what she needs not. I'm spinning in circles right now....

[Lightingbird]

Your best course of action would be to step back and leave her alone for now. With your current mental state you would only indirectly pressure her.

 

It would be in your best interest to step back and rebuild yourself individuallly for awhile before you step in another direction of another relationship.

 

Take you time.

Good luck to you.

[Mar]

If she's having that much trouble figuring out what she wants, and you respect her, give her that space. Maybe just let her know exactly how you're feeling-that you love her, and wish the best for her, but most of all that you respect her enough to give her what she's asked for, in giving her time to figure out what she wants. Pressuring her will do NOTHING for her, only confuse the issue more, as she may feel guilty and get back together with you for all the wrong reasons.

 

Give her time. If you're okay with it, hang out with her. If not, tell her it's too confusing or painful to you and that you have to distance yourself from her. Given that she's asked for this separation, she should certainly understand that. And the hardest part-WAIT. That's truly all you can do. Leave her alone completely, but with the understanding that it doesn't mean you don't care, simply that you're doing as she asks. It hurts, and it's harder than hell, but if you care for this girl, that's truly all you can do.